Heart broken

[Natural beauty]

Hello all,

Please help me.. I'm a 51 year old woman, had a marriage of twenty years that ended several years ago.

I've just felt I had no choice but to end a relationship with a man I've seen the last seven months. Everything was really lovely except he had a roving eye. He isn't a cheat, has never cheated, he just likes to look at girls and make comments. He has also had many women in his time and often would discuss exes with me. Although to be fair he also had a twenty year marriage and was faithful.

He has loads of female friends. Some exes and others just dates etc that never became more than friends. I did find this hard and I wasn't used to it. For me, if you find love you don't need to bother with exes.

These are the only rows we had, and I was making digs and being quite a baby about it, I'm embarrassed to say.

I know it is my insecurity, but I do have reason. A home with a distant father, who had an affair when I was a kid breaking my mums heart. My mum died young, my ex husband committed fraud on me, and others have taken advantage if my good nature.

So I admitted it was my fault. I apologised. I said I'd get help and am seeing a therapist Saturday..

He is a very black and white man. He is right. I am wrong. I edited many other men and never felt insecure before. One was a dancer and would hold women in his arms each night and I was cool with it. Only this one has created insecurity.

I am richer than him, and that bothers him. The only thing he has is his history and charm. But I repeat. He isn't a cheat.

So he came round tonight to end with me. Said he needed his freedom. I agreed with him and said I'd been a nightmare but there was loads of good. Wonderful holidays Great times. He said he's never been so in love before.

However after two hours of embarrassing begging, he agreed to give it another go. As long as I behave or he will walk. And as long as I am on a short lead.

So I agreed. Then half hour later said no, sorry lets split up.

How can I agree to terms. I would be in his debt. I would feel afraid incase I did anything wrong. I think it is controlling, not,loving.

If someone loves. Then surely you come, discuss a problem, say jealously is causing an issue and you work it out together. You don't just dictate.

He by the way has a sister who can't be honest with him. Two daughters who also treat on eggshells. He is a quiet man, yet there's almost an undercurrent of anger, like a bubbling anger and he is quick to blow.

A very aggressive driver, honestly I've never heard anyone use their horn so often.

So I felt I've had to walk. He would continue but said he was ambivalent. Really, I want better than ambivalent. I want someone to talk through and work through issues. He's like a mini dictator. He has also cut friends off who continued to see his ex wife. So, they had to choose between her and him. If they choose her they were no longer his friends. I've said it's too black and white. He says he likes it that way. He also has to win at everything. It's like a combat life.

Have I don't the right thing at my age. ? Everyone has issues don't they?

I've not eaten or slept for two days now and feel so weak.

[d0nnivain]

You aren't weak. If you were weak you would have never said anything about his comments & he roving eye & you would have agreed to his "terms" no matter what.

 

Yes, it sucks to have another relationship end. However, your most important relationship -- the one with your own self respect is still in tact. You called him out on behaviors that you didn't like. That's a good thing.

 

Take a little while. Comfort & soothe yourself & then try again with different guy.