What to do?

[oedy]

Is it asking too much to expect your girlfriend not to lie to you (at all, ever)?

 

 

Let me start from the beginning......

 

 

 

My girl and I have been together for almost 2 years. For the most part its been wonderful. In April of this year she told me the truth about some things she had lied about in the beginning. I won't get into details but the lie was pretty big, not cheating but really big and hurtful. I forgave her though. When she came clean I said to her "If there is anything else, tell me now, if you tell me now I may get past it if you wait and tell me later I'll be hurt even more and depending on the size of the lie, I could leave you." She said there was nothing else.

 

Well a month later I found out she had lied about something else, and I got really pissed, it wasn't a big lie so I eventually forgave her. Couple months later I found out about another "small lie." She says she would of told me about it but it was so small and such a long time ago she didn't remember it.

 

Now by this time I started to wonder about other things and whether they were true or not, to tell ya the truth I'm paranoid from all the lying and find myself looking for deception where there isn't any. She understands that she caused this in me and doesn't blame me for it. But still I want to get past this because if she is being honest then it isn't fair to her or me.

 

There are a couple "issues" that I wonder about. The first one I won't go into details about but its something she could easily prove. I've asked point blank several times if its a lie. She says no, so I told her ok then prove it and even suggested an easy way to do it. She says she will do it but never gets around to it and when I bring it up she either changes the subject, tells me she will do it for me soon, or gets upset. I don't want to demand her to do it or else (aka or else I'll leave) but I don't see what the big deal is if she has nothing to hide. Under normal circumstances I would never do this but her constant lying has drove me to this.

 

 

Issue two involves a friend.....a guy friend. I'm perfectly fine with her having guy friends but let me tell you the history between her and him......

 

She knew him before me.

 

She says they were never "together."

 

He wanted to be her boyfriend.

 

He once offered to loan her money if she would come to his house for dinner one night. This was when we were together and I was out of state. He knew she had a boyfriend and knew she needed the money badly. She knew he would try something if she went there and that he was basically trying to buy sex from her. So she told him no and that she would get it from someone else. I told her I found the way he treated her disrepectful to both her and me and that he isn't a real friend. Despite that I wouldn't demand her to cut him off but I did tell her if it was me I would do so. She agreed that she should probably do that but she didn't.

 

Since she and I have been living together he calls her cellphone all the time. When I'm around she acts like he is annoying and only answered his calls once in a blue moon, or so I thought.

 

He was calling from two numbers but I only knew about the one number. The other one she told me was another friend a female friend. One day she was talking to "her" and I was sitting real close and could hear his voice and noticed it was a guy. I called her out on and she denied it. When I threatened to call the number back she came clean and and said she didn't tell me because he is just a friend and she rarely talks to him and didn't want to make me worry over nothing.

 

He still calls all the time except now when I'm around she never answers it.

 

She claims she never answers it when I'm not around.

 

I've asked her if there is more to the relationship and she says the thought is disgusting and she wouldn't be with him even if she was single.

 

 

I want to believe her. I do but I can't trust her. If she is lying, depending on what the truth is I may or may not want to stay with her. If she isn't lying then what do I do to trust her again? I love her, I believe she loves me, I'm willing to work at it but she has to help me. She did the damage. I've never lied about anything, not even a small lie. I'm brutally honest with people and I expect honesty in return. I feel she should be willing to help put my mind at ease and work through our trust issues. She says she is but never acts on it. There is always some stress in her life distracting her, work etc...

 

What to do?

[Devildog]

originally posted by oedy

What to do?

 

Leave, or tell her to go, whichever. She has been habitually lying to you. You threatened consequences if she lied again, and when she did there were no reprecussions. And then she lied again and still nothing. And again, nada. Once more, zip, zilch.

 

If she wants to regain your trust she has to put forth the effort. She has to accept that what she has done is deceitful and dishonest. She has to open up her life to you to regain trust. She should let you see her cell phone call logs and bills at any given moment, or emails. She should be doing everything to prove she is being completely honest and open at this point. If she isn't willing to do that she is still hiding something and your relationship doesn't mean as much to her as it does to you.

 

But first you need to make your threats of reprecussions a reality.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry but she is playing you so bad. It really sounds like there is a lot more to than relationship than she has told you. I would not be surprised if she has been with him in the past for money. In addition, she is an habitual liar and also lies through omission. Get real. You are her boyfriend and this guy will not stop calling and uses another number to call her and she lied to you about it? Open your eyes. She is playing you for a fool and I think you know this. Move on and find somebody without so much baggage and who has respect for you. You girlfriend has very little respect for you. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speaks volumes. You don't need to put up with such crap. Its time to move on and find someone who respects you because she does not.