dc-fan211 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 I'm 16 years old, nearly 17 and I've had the maddest crush on my friend who I've only known for a few months. I met her at a camp and sort of told her how I felt and got rejected, but became friends with her anyways. Anyhow we're pretty good friends now - we chat almost every night and have long phone conversations too. The trouble is I don't go to the same school as her so getting to her is a problem... she also lives far away and neither of us can drive. I don't have many oppurtunities to impress upon her or show her how much I care about her. So here is my dilemma. I'm crazy about her. She keeps me up at night - just the thought of her voice makes my heart melt. And I'm not talking about horny grade school stuff here. I mean, in terms of physical looks, she's "above average" according to my friends (but if you ask me she's still the most beautiful girl in the world). She's not particularly smart... in fact her grades are on the low side. What she does have is a heart of gold... she was one of the main reasons I accepted Jesus into my life. I've never met a more innocent girl: she doesn't ever EVER talk about guys (in 'that' way) at all and is genuinely disgusted by her friends that do. She doesn't drink at ALL, nor takes drugs or any sort. I can't get her out of my head!! She didn't want to go out with me when I asked her out before we got to really get to know eachother, but she likes me as a friend right now. In my defence, she's never had any intention of going out with guys in the near future... in fact she thinks all boys are stupid and smelly. Really, she says that to me. She's kind of a feminist too. I really feel like I like her a lot more than she likes me though. Ladies: am I officially in the 'friends zone' forever? She's bound to start wanting to date guys eventually. I just want to know if there is any chance for us... If there is, what can I do to show her that I'm always here for her when she's ready, without making our friendship extremely awkward? And for the larger picture: is it possible to actually pull a pseudo-Ross Gellar by just spending the next 6 years being the nicest guy possible to see if one day she'll notice me? Or is that me hoping again..... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 She didn't want to go out with me when I asked her out before we got to really get to know eachother, but she likes me as a friend right now. Usually, when you get the "I like you as friends" - that is the door slamming on any sort of chance of romance. "I like you as friends" usually means "I am not attracted to you and can't see myself in a dating situation with you". The chances of going from "just friends" to "more than friends" in that context is very, very rare since "just friends" is 99 times out of 100 an excuse to turn someone down rather than a genuine interest in friendship. The key here is how genuine of an interest she has in being friends. If it is truly a matter of her wanting an honest to goodness friendship - then that is an excellent opportunity to get to know each other and maybe move forward. If she was using it as an excuse to turn you down, then its a dead end. If you really want to know, you'll have to ask her. I wouldn't hold my breath for complete honesty though - a person will usually be more willing to chew off their own arm before they would look you in the face and be honest with you about not wanting to date you. No one wants to be the bad guy in a situation like that - so you'll get weak excuses like "lets be friends" so that you won't think they are a jerk for turning you down completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dc-fan211 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I see what you mean, but here's the thing. When she turned me down with the "just friends" line we didnt really know eachother at all. It has only been since then that we've gotten to get to know eachother.. Secondly, this girl has never been interested in dating before anyways. I mean, she'd go on for so long about how all her friends have boyfriends and are having sex and that she thinks thats awful and whats the point etc. I'm sort of thinking future. I guess you already answered my question though. Has anyone else ever encountered one of these girls... the kind that genuinely don't care what anyone thinks at all and just does what she likes? When is she going to start becoming interested in guys? What is she looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
condor Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Add a couple of years to the ages, and I am in the same situation. she's 23 and i'm 28. She initiated the contact by sending me a txt msg.She said, isnt looking for a relationship and wants to focus on other things (just moved to the country), and would like to be friends, since its hard to make new friends. Which was totally crap. She is a friendly person and makes friends quite easily. I've since seen her 2 twice alone. We have a good time. I have learnt that she is interested in someone, knew that someone before me. This someone is moving too fast for her. She has never been in a relationship. We have gone touchy-feely and she hasnt resisted. We got together, and I asked her how her weekend was, considering we had planned to get together then. She was busy preparing for lessons(teaches). I told her I went anyways to the place we had agreed to. She asked if i went alone, and I said no I had company. I gave her a gift there, a small teddy bear (which funny enough she likes teddy bears), since I had gone on an oversears trip. She told me I shouldnt have high hopes, so I told her I dont and I wont push her. We did our farewells. She text me an hr later to thank me for the bear and that it wasnt necessary but thanks. I've asked my cousin about her, and she comments that she finds me interesting, nice, smart blah blah. But when she gets asked what about interest or possible relationship, she clams up shut, quite literrally doesnt say a word. Problem is, as everyone knows, is difficult to let her go. As i like her more and more as each day passes. My plan is not to txt/call her until she does so. I've known for about 2 months, so I assume her other interest a while longer and nothing has happened in that direction. Any comments?suggestions? I havent someone like this, that peeks my curiosity and my interest in that person. And to say its driving me up the wall, is putting it midly. Thanks c Link to post Share on other sites
Junie408 Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Maybe I'm not your typical girl, but I once dated a guy for a long while that I was close friends with for three years first. now, he didn't say anything about how he felt until i felt the same, but he didn't really hide how he felt, either. If he had asked me before I had mutual feelings, he would have gotten the "friends" line. But, eventually I liked him...anything's possible, really. Just don't put a lot of pressure on her, be her friend, and maybe something could develop. Don't count on it completely, however. Sometimes those things take time...I know for me it took me a long while. I'm not really the dating sort, either. Link to post Share on other sites
condor Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Hello Junie408, Thanks for your insight, It would be nice if some poll went up, with regards to this matter. Or even some research done into the situation. Cause i am sure it is very common. I am not the kind of person that goes trapezing with a number of women. I'd like to focus on one. She is also trying to find herself in this new country, and I am worried she is on a path of destruction. If i didnt care for her, i'd have backed away from this along time ago. Do I keep some regular contact with her, do i leave her completely alone?Its very fustrating to say the least. Its like walking on eggs, and making sure they dont break. c Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 dc-fan211 , at least this girl is telling you up front... in my life i have been in a love relationship with a girl who after 4 months of being together as lovers came up with the 'lets be friends' line so this girl isn't breaking your heart here after being with you you never want to go where me and others here have been but you probably will as you have a life ahead of you trust me its better to hear it before any relationship develops! Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 As a ray of hope, I can tell you my current situation. My current bf and I knew each other as party acquaintances for about 5 years before we started dating the first time. We went out for a summer. Then broke up just after he left for college in another city (didn't want to hurt each other). We remained friends for the year and a half we were apart. A few months after I moved to the same city (for different reasons) we got back together and I am so happy. Our long friendship before our break up allowed our reconcilation. So...what am I saying you ask....maybe this extended friendship beforehand could strengthen an ensuing relationship. She seems very religious (You mention something about Jesus). She may feel this is not a good time in her life to be dating. She may also get the impression that if she does start dating she will be pressured into sex, which from your post it seems she is not ready for. Tread softly here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dc-fan211 Posted February 14, 2005 Author Share Posted February 14, 2005 Thanks, all. I've taken all this advice to heart and I appreciate it a lot. I'm just gonna play it easy like I dont care... and then one day pounce like a cat! Okay so that sounded mind bogglingly dorky, but you get the picture. Thanks, again. Link to post Share on other sites
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