renezfd Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Howdy. I found this site tonight and thought I should post. My wife moved out three weeks ago. What a roller coaster of emotions it's been. I don't see us reconciling. We just grew apart. She got a 6 month lease on an apt. last week. We have two kids(aged 6 and 7). So far it's been friendly. We've been sharing them (1/2 week our house, the other 1/2 her new place). The kids think it's a slumber party at her new place, but we haven't told them. The first week I was in denial. The second week the shock hit and I hit rock bottom and wanted to end it all. I'm in counseling now. This week I think I'm now accepting what's happened. It's still hard. We've been together for 14 years and married almost 11(our anniversary is Jan 1st{as if the holidays aren't bad enough already}). Anyways, this seemed like a good place for support and advice. I hope I can also help even with my short experience. Thanks, Rene' Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by renezfd this seemed like a good place for support and advice. I hope I can also help even with my short experience. This is a great place for support and advice, but I didn't really notice a question in your post. Are you handling it okay? 14 years together seems like a long time to be over the situation in 3 weeks. Was there a reason for the separation? Was there infidelity on either parts? If it is just losing that feeling of "being in love" that means there are needs on both ends that aren't getting met. Marriage counseling or the <URL removed> website can help you overcome that without too much trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author renezfd Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I don't think I'm over the situation yet. As of right now I'm handling it OK. That changes everyday. No infidelity on either part. There was trust and jealousy issues though. Those problems started when she started working as a police dispatcher 2 years ago. She has a few officers as close friends and often it seemed that she paid more attention to them. Now I realize that she needed to maintain those relationships because of their work situation. We both have self esteem issues too. She had, over the last 3 years lost 120 pounds. Now she is very attractive woman and I'm still overweight. She had wanted me to be healthier. I now have started changing that, but on my own terms. She was still obsessed with her image though. That led to sex issues. I also had been suffering from depression. I have rage problems and would verbally take them out on her and the kids. That's the main reason she moved out. Now that I reflect, it's a good thing she moved before the fights started affecting our kids. We had seen marriage counselors twice(1 1/2 years ago and 3 years ago). But things just got worse these last few months. Now we are both in separate therapy, and I'm on anti-depressants. We've been talking this past week like friends again. We both have said that we should leave a door open. But I don't know if I want to. We don't have much in common anymore- just the kids. I wasn't emotionally, sexually, or spiritually satisfied by her anymore. I was driving her away because I wasn't happy. I felt that I could do better, and deserved to be happy. We both deserve that. I have now forgiven myself for driving her away. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Welcome. And I might add, GREAT JOB! Forgiveness is extremely difficult, but when done honestly, it is very powerful. Looks like we're in the same boat. The last thing I want is to have my STBXW back in my life, but with kids, unfortunately, she's still there! How did you manage to become friends with your wife after she left? I can't even stand the sight of mine. MA Link to post Share on other sites
Author renezfd Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 We both feel that we need to remain friends because we have children together. We'll be connected in that way forever. Plus, they don't need the drama of fighting and hurting each other. But it can be hard at times. Right now the most important thing on my mind is the kids. I do want her to happy as well. I realize that those feelings could change, but right now I'm just moving along one day at a time. I'm leaving right now for California for Christmas. My STBXW and the kids are in the mid-west visiting with her family. I'll try to find internet access when I get there tonight, and check back in. Thanks for the support and kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts