My boyfriend is lying to me AGAIN...after all that we have been through.

[ConfusedandHurt]

Okay, if a few people out there can PLEASE help me with this because I am literally on the verge of losing it.

 

I have been dating my guy for a year. I had just gotten out of a seven year relationship just before starting a new one (and I am still in my early 20's) and although I sort of thought that I might need time in between, I really liked this guy, so I took a blind leap of faith and jumped right in, head first. He had just gotten out of a relationship at around the same time I did and sort of did the same thing. Anyway, through this whole thing, it seemed like I was getting a lot of resistance from him. Things just weren't quite meshing the way that they should have been, but when I tried to discuss it with him, he always blamed me. Everything was my fault. But, when I would ask if he wanted to break up--or when I did actually try to break-up with him several times--he always talked me out of it and said that he didn't want to lose me. Progress through a horrible summer, where I was literally at my breaking point--don't ask me why I didn't walk away b/c I don't know--I have a bad habit in staying in relationships that aren't working--and some things happened that caused me to start snooping for answers. I mean, my instinct was telling me, guiding me practically, to figure out what the hell was going on. I discover that he has been lying to me the entire duration of our relationship--basically manipulating me into believing that he loves me when the entire time--and I mean from DAY ONE--he was using four different dating sites (and he met people and went out on dates with them while I was working), a russian mail order bride site--he was paying to coverse with these people, and he was exchanging e-mails and phone calls (where he had this dream job and made tons of money, which couldn't be further from the truth) with girls that the found on a local escort service website. He bitched about not having money to do things with me all the time--so I ended up paying for stuff a lot--and I find out that he is spending almost $100 a month on that stuff.

 

I confront him and break up with him (he was actually out of town at the time, I should have waited, but I was literally about to explode). He comes home and begs for forgiveness. I mean, gets down on his hands and knees for an hour and begs for one more chance, one more chance. We had a vacation planned, I am totally in love with this guy, and he swears that he hasn't actually slept with one of them and he promises that he will stop all of it--looking at the cityvibe hooker site, going on dates, trying to find someone else, etc. We get back together. Guess what he is doing? He has just gotten better at hiding what he is doing.

 

Why is he doing this to me? I am very pretty, I have a nice figure--I exercise almost everyday, I am well proportioned, and I have never denied him sex. Ever. (and, it is always like porno sex too, which makes me crazy) I just can't cut him loose and I don't know why--it is like he has this weird hold on me. And, to make up for doing all of that stuff, he spent a ton of money on me for Christmas, but I just figured out that he looks at those sites almost daily and then deletes the history on the browser and replaces the places that he has visited with sites from his bookmark list--so, he hasn't done anything that he promised that he was going to do, he is just trying harder to cover it up. WHY? Why go to so much effort to keep me in his life--with all the speeches about how I am his best friend and he would never do anything to hurt me and I mean the world to him and he loves me so deeply and the past has been hard, but the future is going to be great--when he just HAS to do all of this other **** too? And I really feel like the web viewing is just a precursor to things that will come...someone help. I just don't know what to do.

 

Oh, and there is a 13 year age gap between us and he (or I) have never been married.

[very-confused-girl]

It sounds like he screwed it up. He promised he would never do it again and he did. Maybe he really doesnt intend to have sex with anybody but he has a internet addiction. Have you spoken to him about going to some counselling? It might be the answer.

 

Rightnow he is trying to make up by spending a fortune on x-mas presents for you. Try to explain to him that money is not issue here. Maybe he feels because he was lying to you about not having money to entertain yourselves and yet he was spending the money on the internet sites, he maybe now feels he needs to give you expensive presents.

 

Give him a chance, try to talk to him honestly and frankly that you have suspected internet addiction here and suggest a counselling. He might resist and get upset but people often deny their addictions. It the situation is not going to get better, get the hell out of there!