interesting situation with friends-->more

[qklrnr2233]

Well, let me warn you before you start, this could get long.

 

I'll start out with the basics, this started about 2 years ago, I'm in college, almost finishing up (last semester of senior year) which is one of the reasons I'm getting to the point I'm at anyways (I think I just need to do something about this situation, but I'm just not sure)

 

So, I come from a pretty good group of friends, it seems like no matter who I meet, in the end we know someone from the group anyways (I think you all understand, I dont need to explain) It was sophmore year, and one of my best buddies had an apartment where most of us would hang out alot. It was usually the same crowd, though I didnt know everyone there all of the time. Usually it was people from my floor freshman year and thier friends. It seemed like for the last few parties (maybe over a month or two), by the time the night ended, I was always talking to the same girl. It was never really any type of sexual interest talking, I just really had fun talking to her (obviously i was interested, or I wouldnt talk to her, but it wasnt the only thing on my mind) There were a couple of nights that we would just sit on the floor and talk to eachother, nothing else mattered.

 

One party, a guy came up to her and was like, when are we leaving. Ironically, I had been in a class with this same person, and we were doing projects together (we even hung out a few times after class). Sure enough, they were dating.... ( like I said, everyone seems to know everyone else) It came as a big surprise, but like I said, i wasnt really worried about sex or dating with this girl. So everything was all good. I ended up getting her number, and that was that. We would hang out a few times, and had a blast. One day she came over, and told me she broke up with her guy. Heres the beginning of the problem...I dig her, but the guy is cool as hell ( they dated for a long time) and in all reality, I dont get between people, I am too respectful (remember this, because it will all play into my dilemma) We continued to hang out, and she showed signs of interest, but I couldnt do that, in that particular situation (with the ex being a semi-friend), at that particular time, especially with the summer coming (I think it was late april, school ends in may)

 

So, the summer came and went, we talked a few times, but we were both busy, work and all, plus we dont live super close. School came again, and they got back together late in the summer. A few months went by and they broke up again, it was more of a "we are sorta together, but both free to do what we want" situation. Which I understand, its college. Again she made it a point to me that they had broken up. This time, I had my own situation I was dealing with, with a girl, so timing was bad. All this time, we still became better and better friends, and I can honestly say we have such a fun time together, its rediculous. One night, we went to a bar, hung out, went our seperate ways, and i was drunk so I sent her an instant message, kinda saying how i felt. I really liked her, we alwways had fun, but I didnt want to disrespect her and her ex situation (its wierd when you know the guy, like I said) She called me the next day, and came over so we could talk about it. (she called me, not me call her) She came over and she explained the aformentioned thing, how they were kinda free to do what they wanted. I was more of a traditional relationship guy, so it just didnt seem right. its hard to explain, but as she was talking and when she was done (she was sitting on my excercise ball, since my room doenst have anything but a chair and my bed to sit on) she kept like rolling the ball and running into me, just kinda to keep touching me..etc. She told me alot of things in that conversation too, like she wasn't really sure about her and her ex, he things things are alot more serious then she does..etc... (again i probably should have taken that as a sign to do something, but im dumb and shy...advise on that too if you can)

 

That semester came and went, and over break I met another girl. It was mostly a fun thing, she was a little older than I was, but she was really interested in me. I was just having fun. However, every time me and the girl in question saw eachother, she woudl ask me about my "relationship" (I think she was jealous) Well one night she and I got really drunk, had a great night, and she slept over in my bed. We talked, and spooned, but nothing happend. During the talk, I said somethign about how i always liked her, and I know she still likes me, and she agreed. (obviously if she let me spoon) I am an honest guy, and when the other girl talked to me the next day, she got super pissed. I had told her about how good of friends me and the girl in question were (we hung out at least once a week, so she was bound to be hearing her name) I told her, we had had sleepovers before, and nothing happend anyways. (bad idea to all you fellow readers out there, lol) I didnt really care about that, i wasnt really interested in the girl anywyas. So, that kinda blew that situation, but also opened another door again..but i was just too freakin drunk to act on it (damnit)

 

Around the same time, this girl found another guy, and they sorta dated for about 3-4 weeks. When they broke up, what happend? Well we were out at a bar getting some dinner, and afterwards, she asked me to take a walk with her to a little restaurant. Sure enough, again she told me she broke up with the new guy. (damn I really should have done something that time, that was a big mistake, but remember its all part of the big story) We talked a little more, and that was that. I really know she was kinda opening the door for me, but I always screw up.

 

I think it was finals week, last year, and everyone was getting ready to go home after finals. After everyone was gone, we hung out almost every day, doing stupid stuff like shopping, haircuts, making dinner.etc.... One night I stayed pretty late,a nd didnt want to walk home, The apartment was empty and there were plenty of beds, but I just felt kinda wierd sleeping in other peoples beds, so I asked if i could stay with her. she said sure (again i think i screwed up, but please make a point in your reply to explain that one, cause I'm confused) I was gonna do something that night, but I didnt, again. (dumbass)

 

The summer came, and she went on vacation for the whole summer, with some friends (kinda like a road trip) we talked a couple times, I sent her a birthday card, which she appreciated alot, and that was that.

 

The fall semester caem this year, and things were as normal. She got back together with her b/f, and again that really doesnt bother me too much. He and I have become pretty good friends, which sucks, but is cool too (But not in this particular situation) Before I go any further, dont think I am just totally set on this girl, I've had plenty of other situations with girls, so I'm not like totally whipped or anything. (however every time there is a girl (like I said we are a tight group of friends) she always asks about it) I was all cool with how things were, obviously I wish things were different, but school and my life in general are busy enough (along with other girls) that it really didnt get to me, we had fun either way, and always did. About a month ago, we were both up late talking on instant messenger...and she asked me how my dating life was. I told her same s***, different pile, lol. Which is true. I told her I really cant find a girl who I can just totally have fun with. I date them, we have fun, but something just doesnt feel right. Theres that element of just totally being myself, that I cant find (and it seems like they are the same) I feel like its sorta an act. I then told her thats why I always liked her, cause no matter what we did, we always had fun, whether it be something extravagent, or just hanging out in the living room with my roomates...and she said she felt the same. She told me she was dating her guy, (i asked in return to her asking me how my dating thing was going) and in addition she said she was just "glad she didnt have to deal with it" (which leads me to belive its not what she really wants, again tell me if im wrong) . we talked a little longer, and that was that. I didnt think too much of it, she is dating someone, and I am not really unhappy with things (I am doing really well in school, i finally found the major I like, and Ill be done soon, and hopefully have a good job)

 

Well, since that night we talked, she has been alot different with me. She calls me more often to do stuff. She apologizes when she cant get back to me when I call (she always did, but its different, I cant explain) The main thing is, though, is how she acts even when her b/f is there. This has been ongoing the last few months, but even moreso now. Before, when it was just me and her, we would be like a couple..other people noticed that (my roomates, friends) but when he came, she would kinda back off, not totally, but it wasnt the same.

 

Now I get to whats really bugging me, and makes me write this in the first place. Add everything youve read up, and then put it together with this. We went out a few weeks ago, a decent group of us, and she was with her b/f. However, she sat next to me. we were sitting on swivel chairs and she kept "swiveling" into me..pretty much the whole night. she made stupid comments about me. She always lauged at my dumb jokes (for al ong time) but she was doing it with him there.... she made comments at me poking fun..but then there was that stare afterwards..kinda like an inside joke type thing. She talked about stuff we did together, just me and her...all with him there...

 

Then a few nights later, we were all hanging out in my living room at my house...there were about 10 guys, and 2 girls, her and her roomate (also a good friend) I offered her a seat, and she sat down by me, like right next to me. She could have moved over a good foot almost, but she sat right next to me the whole night. She was sitting indian style and kept kinda touching em with her foot. Even when i got up, she didnt move, and when my roomate got up(who was sittiing on the other side of the couch, she stayed right next to me.

 

Another night, we went to a bar to listen to some music. I sat right next to her b/f and i could sense, she was trying to find a seat next to me, but she got the next best thing, something close to me. the whole night, she kept "poking" me with her foot, or downright just holding her foot against me. I returned it a little bit that night, even with him right next to me (I dont normally do these things, so it was hard to do)

 

She also asked me to go to a party over break, which he cant make it to, and also called me yesterday about new years plans.

 

So thats that story....

 

What I need to kinda know, is what the hell should I do?? I never have felt this way about a girl, and I always regret letting things pass me by. I wont let that happen again, but I dont want to get myself into trouble either.

 

The problem is that time is running short. One more semester and we are going seperate ways. I really dont want to let this pass me by, shes given me the signs in the past, but ive blown it. Is there something I should say? Should I make some sort of gesture and see how she acts? I probably have 10 other questions, but I just wrote a small book anyways, lol.

 

Please leave me comments, I am really in a bind here, and I want to make sure I do the right thing. Maybe someone out there has been in this situation, I sure dont know anyone who has. I'm sure ill post more questions tomorrow as I think of them...

 

Thank you all in advance, and have a great christmas.

[liono]

I never been in this situation but the girl has to come clean with her boyfriend. You might have to have a man to man with the dude. But really you are doing the right things. The ball is in her court and the way you describe her I might go another direction. I know you like her but she is being a bit shady.

[quankanne]

she obviously likes you as a friend ... and maybe more. she wouldn't always be touching you or connecting with you if she didn't have deeper feelings. however, she's got a boyfriend (am not sure if you're dating or not). if you are serious about taking your relationship to another level, you and she need to talk. you need to find out point blank where she stands with this other guy, if he's just someone she's dating and he's a somewhat boyfriend, or if she's seriously dating him.

 

I think you know what to do if she says "seriously dating" -- just chalk it up to a sweet interlude that probably won't ever go anyplace no matter how much you guys connect.

 

but, if she's just dating to be dating ... ask her if she'd consider exclusively dating you, and let her know that you're very much interested in taking y'alls relationship to another level. however, be very explicit and tell her that you do not date women who are dating other men (if indeed you are serious about pursuing her and her alone).

 

it seems to me that she's kind of just finding ways to pass time with some of these fellas until you two actually get your love-life synchronized! just be sweet, sincere and to the point, then go from there.

[qklrnr2233]

thank you for replying

 

I have thought of having a man to man, I almost did it when they were broken up. I honestly think he knows theres something between us (just stuff ive observed over time) and I really think that if there was any guy dating her (or anything else) he would at least be happy it was me. I know he didnt like the guy she was dating for a few weeks (I didnt either, and alot of people didnt for that matter) but he and I are cool as hell with eachother, we have hung out, like I said. He has as much respect for me as I do for him. But thats a different situation. In this one, I would kinda be screwing him over, which I dont want to do (and one of hte major reasons I never did anything in the past) but it seems like the tables are turning my favor, and I really just dont want to pass this up. I know if she pulls a "i broke up" thing again...then im not gonna screw up this time...but I just think I need to do something to show her that this time I'm not gonna shy away from it...

 

Any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated

 

I hope you all have wonderful Christmases as well.

[qklrnr2233]

ya know ive read a few other situations that are kinda similar to mine ( I dont think they go as deep, but I could be wrong)

 

Should I just have a talk with her...be like listen, I need to know what is going on with us, because you are driving me crazy..type of thing??