My boyfriend checks out other girls....(Not the usual)

[Laura626]

My boyfriend checks out other girls.... except, it's not other girls, as much as other women

who he keeps checking out.

I'm 18 and he's 21 years old.

The women he checks out are aged 45 and over, and he lusts after them and even old ladies.

I never check out other men when we're together, so why should he check out other women?

 

Am I not good enough for him?? What do 45 + women have that I don't??

Sorry if I sound ageist here, no offence intended, I just don't understand why.

 

We had a blazing row last night over this issue which ended in my boyfriend saying he'd rather

have some 54-year-old woman than me which really upset me.

 

The rest of the time he's a kind, decent, benign person, it's just when we're out together he starts

checking out women old enough to be his grandmother which really appals me.

 

I need some help, if you have any advice than post any, it would really help me

[LucreziaBorgia]

Just try to remember that it is YOU he's dating, no matter who he is checking out. Guys check out women. Its a fact of life. Every guy has a different quirk for what draws his eye - sounds like your guy's 'eye fantasy' is older women. Just don't confuse an 'eye fantasy' with reality. When a guy is checking out the ladies, he is not mentally planning your breakup every time he looks at someone. Usually, guys don't check out women because of something their girlfriends are or are not doing for them: they check out women in general. If he wanted older women, I'm quite sure he'd drop you for one. Here is a certainty: if you keep harping on him about it, he probably will drop you - older ladies or not.

 

If you want it resolved, 'blazing rows' is not the way to do it. You'll need to force yourself to have a calm, collected conversation about it. Ask him what it is he finds attractive about older women, and ask him honestly if you have anything to be worried about. Tell him how it makes you feel - tell him it makes you feel insecure about the relationship. Don't go overboard, yell or be over emotional - just tell him honestly and calmly that it hurts you and why it hurts you. Ask him if there is a chance that he can stop his 'eye fantasies' when you two are together. Guys naturally check out women, but guys also have control over it too - the least he could do is keep his eyes from wandering while he is walking about with you, or at the very least not make it obvious.

[jmargel]

Could be a fetish.. Could be that he's looking for a mom figure, if his mom treated him bad. In any event if he just looks at older women, I don't see any harm in it. If he's trying to contact them, etc.. then there is an issue.

[Laura626]

I already found out off a friend this morning that my boyfriend had been having sex with a 54-year-old mother of two.

 

My boyfriend also goes on non-stop about pensioners'rights too and wishes he could be a pensioner...

[The_Analyzer]

I agree with Jmargel, its probably a mom thing. Maybe something happened as a child as far as him not getting the attention he wanted or deserved as a child and thats why he feels the need to look at older women. Its something he is lacking self esteem wise from childhood.

[Adunaphel]

If this can be of any help, think that one day you'll be their age too.

 

I feel better when my bf looks at older women than when he looks at younger women...at least I can tell myself that while I can't go back in time I'm still in time to become 40.

 

I'd say that you don't have anything to worry about, but if your bf checks out those women blatantly and it bothers you, you should tell him how you feel about it.

[Mira221]

Dump him and tell him you hope him and his MILF's have fun!