MrE_UK Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) Hi all, Nearly all abuse is born out of fear. If someone fears an action they sometimes become abusive to control and prevent that fear being realised, which is ironic as it makes what they fear happen. It's always irrational. Anxiety Disorder Fear and worry breeds anxiety (something I suffer with from being physically abused as a kid). Anxiety is crippling, and can sometimes bring on panic attacks. It is driven by adrenaline (fight or flight). When you feel like this, if you aren't aware of what's going on within you, you act like a complete loon. What I mean is you have black and white thinking, jump to conclusions, and stay away from situations that make you feel uneasy, ask a million questions, and can steer clear of friends and family. Visible symptoms include shaking, sweating, anger (boundary making), running away, appearing nervous, etc.,. A person with anxiety is ill and not an abuser. They need treatment, support, and care. Treatment is through relaxing methods, CBT, and/or medication. Although, people will leave a sufferer (as I've found out) as it is tough to live with someone who is ill as it is restrictive. Dominating Personality However, then there is the dominating personality - literally run for your life! These people will: bullybe a sexual controlleract like a kingbe a bad fatherlie and deny any wrong doingbe a persuaderbe a headworkerbe your jailer They can be one or a combination of these personality traits. They need serious help and will cause you harm on multiple levels. RUN!!! Narcissistic Disorder Then we have the narcissist. This is a personality disorder and they too will be abusive. It is a false identity to hide the real person inside and is created by having zero confidence. They have usually experienced a severe trauma and stay emotionally at that age it happened, which is generally in childhood. A narcissist will: never love younever care for youuse youonly think of themselvesget bored easilysleep around/cheatmake you submissivehave an egotistical appreciation of themselvesbe the centre of their universechange identity to suit the situationhave a major attachment dysfunction (always distant)never trust youneed everything and everyone to be perfect - places people on pedastals They can look like a tough person and be intimidating, be the nice person and popular, be a corporate type person and be diplomatic appearing to care (but doesn't in reality - watch actions), or be the comedian who everyone invites to parties. But if you try and get too close, they will: distract yousidestep questionsmake you forget what you askeddodge and duck away from personal questionsif you press them they avoid you like a plagueyou will be excluded from their life There is also the success oriented narcissist who will keep you close and around whilst you are useful. After they have what they want from you, you are tossed into the garbage bin and avoided. So be careful, aware and stay safe. If the dominating or the narcissistic person is in your life - get as far away as you can. They will not change easily. Narcissists rarely do change. Take the narcissistic quiz to find out if you or you're ex-partner is a narcissist: Narcissistic Personality Inventory - Psych Central Remember: You cannot change the dominator or narcissistYou've done nothing wrongYou deserve betterYou are wonderfulGet out now! Edited November 15, 2013 by MrE_UK 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 It's funny how it looks to me that only a certain type of people end up here, that enter into relationships with yet another certain type of people... Yes, that includes me. But I'm not shy about it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 You are correct about the dominating personality, and how it's driven out of fear. My ex wife, to keep me from leaving the house during one of her tirades, smashed my guitar into the ground and shattered it. It was one of my few prized possessions, handed down to me from my parents. She knew it was sentimentally valuable and used it in attempt to dominate and control me. Link to post Share on other sites
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