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One step forward and two steps back


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One step forward two steps back.

 

My story is on this forum. Basically my husband was my first love, we were together for 20 years, married for 14. Had such an amazing relationship, till he went into a state of depression this year coupled by a mid life crisis and then an affair. l caught on and he walked away.

 

lm going ahead with separation, cause lve been strung along and he wont stop seeing the other woman.

 

What lm struggling with the most is the NC and boundary setting. l don't reach out to him or call him, and trying to pick up the pieces but when he contacts me, l jump thinking that he had a breakthrough and wants to come back.

 

Fast forward to Wednesday, he calls me up very distraught, and upset, starts to apologize for what he is done to me, starts to say that he didn't give us a fair chance, that he is miserable etc. l invite him over to talk. l try to get answers on what he wants, does he want to try to work on us.

 

He says he is so confused, part of him feels that he needs to be home with me, he needs time, he misses me, he's messed up. l get super emotional and we hold each other, he consoles me, lm so vulnerable. He says he doesn't like the person he is become, l tell him how his decisions and affecting family, friends and how it is going to be harder once we have to go back to lawyers for the separation.

 

He listened, l listened, and then we said our goodbyes and he walked out. There was no solutions, there was no commitments from him, and now l feel so stupid and feel like l set myself back emotionally.

 

He didn't call yesterday, and l suspect l wont hear from him till he is vulnerable again. When he called l thought he wanted to get back with me, so l opened the door to the conversation.

 

lm struggling so much because lm trying not to push him away if he truly wants to make it work with us. With that said, how does one set boundaries or being NC?

 

What do l say to him so he knows that unless he truly wants to make us work then there is no contact? ls that something you say?

 

Thanks for the support, my emotions are all over the place. l still love him and l miss him. The hardest part is that l mourn him, its like he is dead but still around. l hold onto hope :(

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