Am I just dreaming?

[pfr88]

Hi,

 

I have been separated for almost 2 years now, and currently working through the divorce application process. I have dated people here and there, but no one I felt that was worth it.

 

So I met a guy a few weeks ago online. We've been having a blast, and he appears to be a really great guy. Very sweet, and like no one I have ever met before. However, he is also separated but a lot more recent, only 4 months ago and also has a 6 month old.

 

I know from my own experience, separating from my husband a short while after we got married, I briefly dated someone who ended up getting hurt because I wasn't ready to let go of my marriage and wanted to work on it. Which we still ended up separating again.

 

It seems to be that he has/had gone through different circumstances then what I did. He never lived with his ex before they got married, and couldn't stand to another day. I know we all have our own beliefs, but I am glad I was able to live with my ex before we got married, it was easier to settle in.

 

I have made comments to the new guy about the length of time, etc. and he responds "you're not a rebound". I am actually stuck on this one. From being there and knowing how I felt, and now being the other person. I don't know if men are different from women, but I sure am hoping so. We have briefly talked about what we wanted from this, and we agreed to just see what happens. For me, I can see myself falling for this one. He isn't someone I would normally ever date, but for me, that's what I need. I'm use to jerks and guys who are in it to win it. I don't want to carry on with something and end up hurt.

 

Help...?

Edited November 15, 2013 by pfr88

[Yasuandio]

"Separated" means he is still married - not really available, technically. With his circumstances, the infant, there is probably an even better chance he will return to the marriage (just like you did). Then you'll just be the OW or nothing at all to him - and get hurt as a result. I say wait till he's available. Yas

[secondfailure]

That is what I hate about this. I know she is dating and we are separated. And I want to date too. But my conscious tells me its not a wise idea. I know I have no desire to reconcile with her since she has decoded to date 3 months after separating. Seems like there is no love at all. But man this loneliness can drive you crazy. I know everyone says use this time to work on yourself. But man why not have some female companionship? Or male... YAS, thank you so much for your insight on this message board.

[pfr88]

Yes thank you YAS for your insight.

 

I know for me I had to take time for myself. And its been almost two years, like I said. I seem to find something wrong with every guy that comes into my life, and not that I am looking for him to be my ex, because he treated me like crap. I like to think I am too picky and now have very high standards, but who knows.

 

Advice I should take for myself... You need time to heal. Rushing into something isn't going to do any good for you or the other person. I was hoping it was different for men then women but I don't think its the case. Everyone has a different healing process, but for "my guy" I think I want what seems good for me, but I know it won't be any good for me in the end.