I’m Going to Confront Them

[JBird2001]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment? If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

[Zahara]

Sad post. It sounds so weak and insecure.

 

You want to show him you are taking YOUR woman to "OUR" home. I think you've been watching too many movies. The woman is choosing to be with this man. He's not holding her hostage. You can plonk her on the head with your club and drag her home by her hair, but if she wants to be with him, nothing you can do will make her yours.

 

You want her to see you both together so she can size you two up? You think she doesn't know you are tall, handsome? She dated you. You don't need to remind her how you look like. You think she doesn't see the differences. When you are emotional about someone, their appearances - bald, short, pot bellied - doesn't make a damn difference. There's something about that "stupid-looking" guy that makes her desire him. There something about you that isn't attractive to her anymore, no matter how tall and good looking you are.

 

Yeah, we've all been there for our partners through thick and thin. They dumped us. You being there for her doesn't guarantee a lifelong commitment. Just because you did all that doesn't obligate her to stay with you when she doesn't want to anymore.

 

Good luck at the stand-off. Do what you need to do.

[Chi townD]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment? If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

 

 

Well, be prepared for a world of pain!

[Darren Steez]

Care to stick to one thread? Can't be bothered to even read these anymore

[ExpatInItaly]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

 

 

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment? If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

 

What if she doesn't want you to take her home? What if she tells you to take a flying leap? She could very well decide to go with him, not you. Also, there isn't any reason you should expect this guy to be thankful to you and show you respect. He's already messing around with your girlfriend. You also can't be certain it won't get physical, because you have no idea how he'll react. Don't assume he'll behave the way you would in the same situation.

 

Moreover, she obviously doesn't care too much about you having been there for her in these difficult circumstances. If she did, you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. You're acting as though you're competing with the other guy - but she's already decided he's worth cheating and sacrificing what she had with you.

 

I'm not trying to rain all over your confrontation scenario, but just think about it VERY carefully. This might not play out in the way you've imagined it at all. You could wind up incredibly humiliated and hurt if your plan to march in, scare him and claim her doesn't fall into place.

[Chi townD]

Personally, if you were going to confront, I would have everything that she has at your place in boxes and bags. I would then proceed to drop everything on the ground in front of them and walk off without saying a word.

 

If you taken the time to bag it up, then she'll know you knew about what she was doing. Can't explain that away.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening.

 

Buckle up. Do what you gotta do.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Whelp. See you in a week.

 

 

 

 

Couldn't agree more, with this sentiment.

 

 

I think we all know this guy is going to lose-out, and have even less dignity than he had upon his Loveshack debut of this subject.

[harrybrown]

Get this cheating woman out of your life.

 

You are not married to her and do not have children with her, I hope?

 

No child support, no expensive divorce.

[beach]

Seems like you would have done SOMETHING by now.

 

Why are you just watching her cheat over and over without doing something about it?

[tom670]

What you do in theory:rolleyes: sigh I did this for a wedding my ex and I were going to be at.

You look and find a smoking hottie on a site with the initials of BP.

 

You then go to wherever they are at and have her kiss you grab your arm the whole works.

You will be getting her limbic brain going in overdrive.

 

My sister was the only one that knew:p

My mom and especially my dad couldn't take his eyes off her:rolleyes:along with a lot of my cousins.

So bring someone

Show her you are strong and moving on bro.

[Spectre]

To be honest I think you should confront them and I would be curious to know what happened once you have. I know a lot of people will say it is a bad idea, but what I've come to realize is that everyone deals with the grief from cheating in their own way. What might be a bad idea for some people might not be a bad idea for others. If this is what it takes for you to move on then so be it.

 

Maybe deep down you know that you wouldn't be able to gain closure over this unless you see it with your own eyes, up close. Though one thing: I would not tell him that you are going to take her home whether he likes it or not, since he might take that to mean you might take her against her will and that might provoke a physical encounter. After you confront them I think you should tell her that she can stay and finish whatever she is doing in this public place, but that you would like her to come home with you so you can discuss this further.

 

Then you take her home and dump her. In fact, since you live together I think before you head over to confront them you should pack all her bags for her so that she can leave as soon as you are done talking. Definitely do not take her back, but yes: pack up her stuff. Even if you share the place, SHE is the one who cheated, thus she should be the one to go find a hotel to stay in or something. She can stay with the guy she is cheating with if need be, but buddy do NOT let her stay home..not even for one night, kick her out..I'm pretty sure Motel 6 is open all night.

 

If she refuses to come with you, then you can just pack her bags and she and the guy she is cheating with can come pick them up later then. In fact, if she does refuse to come with you then right then and there you can tell her and the guy she is with that they can come get her things later.

Edited November 16, 2013 by Spectre

[Space Ritual]

Make sure you have her stuff out of your place in garbage bags and the locks changed...also make sure you leave cash with someone you trust so they can bail you out of jail after the confrontation.

 

I once was a guy who did not have a violent bone in his body and walked in on my fiance banging one of my friends in my bed. Mister Non violent got really violent and wound up in Prison for 4 years. My actions messed my life up more than you can ever imagine and I have been paying for it for the last 25 years. These confrontations rarely go as you expect. I am fairly certain your confrontation will backfire like a 1959 Buick

 

So go ahead and have your Gary Cooper moment and take it all in while you and this other guy are rolling around on the ground huffing and puffing while your betrothed is screaming "Stop you guys"!!! (like another scintillating episode of "Cheaters").

 

Then come back after you get bailed out and let us know how it worked out....lol

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

First, you are assuming that she will go home with you.

Second, you are assuming this guy will have respect for your relationship.

Third, you are assuming this guy will be afraid of you.

Fourth, you are assuming that you will not get into a physical altercation.

Fifth, you are assuming that this will make you feel better when it will probably make her run off with him, leaving you humiliated and broken.

 

You are making A LOT of assumptions here.

Do you think you can control all those variables?

It's not going to go down the way you want it to.

[Trimmer]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

Everything about your confrontation fantasy is based on it happening exactly as you expect it to. And if there's one thing you can certainly count on, it's that you can't count on it going as you expect it to.

 

What will you do if you make your big stand, but she won't come with you? You think you're not violent, but what happens if he comes after you?

 

You expect a guy who has shown you the ultimate disrespect of schtupping your girlfriend to suddenly "back off and show the respect" to you... why, exactly?

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations.

How can you imagine that she hasn't already done this? You think it's just as easy and obvious as her seeing the two of you together? That's a naively simplistic view of things. She's already f***ing someone behind your back; why would you expect a rational process to suddenly start up now? In the heat of the moment, while being confronted, in fear, and probably humiliation no less? Boy, expect each of them to be on the defensive, big time. Expect the unexpected.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment?

Gary Cooper's characters were fantasies, and he got to work from a script in which the outcome was known. Again, a naively simplistic view of things, that doesn't allow for the (almost inevitable) possibility that things will not go according to the script you have in your mind.

 

If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

Boy oh boy. You just go right ahead, and let us know whether it all works out exactly as you expect it to.

[Kate9292]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment? If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

 

I love your dedication to a relationship. You actually fight for someone you care about. I agree, leaving right away would mean you don't care about her.

 

But don't keep fighting forever. If she doesn't want to be fighted for, her loss.

 

BTW he's a head shorter than you? What a silly girl...

[Kate9292]

Please tell me this is sarcastic. If so, disregard the rest of my post. If not...

 

She CHEATED ON HIM. Why should he want her after such a betrayal? More to the point, she's cheated on him because she could. You think she doesn't know that he knows? Please. They are both completely aware that the OP is wise to the cheating and ate now rubbing it in his face.

 

Yeah, she's DEFINITELY worth fighting for...

 

Plus, height does not make the man. The OP might be taller, but he's lacking the fortitude to demand better treatment...

 

I dunno, it would just suck to see someone leave on first sign of trouble without even making an attempt to make things right.

 

But if she doesn't want to make things right, then sure, no point in fighting.

[soccerrprp]

Despite the well-intentioned comments from everyone to the contrary, I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school. Seriously, is he really going to challenge me when I tell him that I’m taking my long-term girlfriend home, to OUR home that we share, and does he have a problem with that? If I were in his place, I would back off and show the respect to a man whose woman I was ****ing, grateful that this confrontation doesn’t escalate to something more.

 

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

What’s wrong with being Gary Cooper for the moment? If I just passively tell her I know what’s going on within the confines of our home and tell her to pack up and move out, that just doesn’t seem a fitting end to our relationship. Again, the advice I received here was well-intentioned, but it is not so easy for me to simply state “I know what you’ve done to me, get the f*ck out”. I love this woman and we have a history together and share a home together. I cannot simply shut it off. I know who she is and I know how this situation needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this is the best way to resolve it.

 

How foolish. Btw, you being a foot taller doesn't make you a better man, just a foot taller and after reading this, foolish.

 

You don't think this may get physical. This shorter guy may feel threatened. And it MAY become physical and you MAY get your a$$ kicked and you being a foot taller won't help you.

 

This could make for a romantic movie about a guy who goes after the woman he loves and wins, except, in this case the woman doesn't respect him, sleeps around with other men... instead of confronting them in public and appearing like the aggressor, why not simply have a talk with her alone and tell her what you know and then end it there. Really, no need to confront the guy about this. I'm sorry, but haven't been following all of the posts, but does the guy know about you?

 

Your beef is really with your gf (or ex gf). Good luck. Since you KNOW what needs to be done, then this thread should be closed.

[Trimmer]

I dunno, it would just suck to see someone leave on first sign of trouble without even making an attempt to make things right.

The "first sign of trouble"? I think you are vastly understating the nature of cheating.

 

There are "signs of trouble", and then there are dealbreakers. I'm not saying that you should have to feel this way - everybody gets to make the choice for themselves what they put on their lists - but for many people, cheating is on the "dealbreakers" list, not the "signs of trouble" list.

 

Also, given that you are encouraging him to "fight", it seems that you agree with his planned course. Do you have an opinion on how things are likely to turn out if he surprises them while they are together? Are you concerned at all that things may go sideways in some unexpected way, or do you think he has a pretty realistic vision of how things will happen?

Edited November 17, 2013 by Trimmer

[Kate9292]

Okay, maybe it's not first trouble they had. Maybe they already had some and it went to cheating. Doesn't really matter, if people really want to, they can work it out. Just see "infidelity" section.

 

You can't say definitely it's been a dealbreaker until you've been through it. My first bf said it was a dealbreaker too but took me back. But he brought it up every argument and sometimes probably even picked a fight just to rub it in my face. And that was a dealbreaker for me, just couldn't stand it.

 

As for fighting, I don't mean it literally. Like if he appeared and actually fighted with another guy, he could have been badly injured, killed, taken by cops or something. He could instead meet with her and see if she still wants to work it out. If she doesn't, of course he should back off. But what if she wanted too?

[crederer]

Make sure you have her stuff out of your place in garbage bags and the locks changed...also make sure you leave cash with someone you trust so they can bail you out of jail after the confrontation.

 

I once was a guy who did not have a violent bone in his body and walked in on my fiance banging one of my friends in my bed. Mister Non violent got really violent and wound up in Prison for 4 years. My actions messed my life up more than you can ever imagine and I have been paying for it for the last 25 years. These confrontations rarely go as you expect. I am fairly certain your confrontation will backfire like a 1959 Buick

 

So go ahead and have your Gary Cooper moment and take it all in while you and this other guy are rolling around on the ground huffing and puffing while your betrothed is screaming "Stop you guys"!!! (like another scintillating episode of "Cheaters").

 

Then come back after you get bailed out and let us know how it worked out....lol

 

4 years?!?! What did you do, cut the guys dick off? Jesus christ that seems steep.

 

Any ways, OP, you've received good advice in the last threads and this one as well. I'd suggest you use it. I don't think this is going to go as you plan. Even if it does somehow go in the way you fantasize it to, what's next? You take her home and the two of you live happily ever after?

 

I guess I'm confused as to how you expect this to work in your favour.

[BeholdtheMan]

I decide to go against this advice and confront my long-term girlfriend and the other guy at one of the public places I’ve been tracking them to. I want to see the fear in his eyes. I want him to look into the eyes of a man whose woman he’s ****ing and see the fury in mine. I am certain that this will not get physical, for I am not a violent person, nor have I been in a fistfight since grade school.

Bahahahaha

 

That's the reaction you're gonna get from OM and cheating tramp

 

A real man walks away from people who have no value to him. He doesn't seek validation from them. Who cares about the reactions of this dime-a-dozen POS OM and your cheating tramp of a GF, why do you care so much? Do you have to prove yourself a man to them? I mean...really?

 

Discard them from your life. Move on. Why are you fighting to reclaim garbage?

[Space Ritual]

4 years?!?! What did you do, cut the guys dick off? Jesus christ that seems steep.

 

Let's just say I found a my short game again with my set of irons.

[Trimmer]

Okay, maybe it's not first trouble they had. Maybe they already had some and it went to cheating. Doesn't really matter, if people really want to, they can work it out. Just see "infidelity" section.

I'm not questioning that people can work it out if they want to.

 

You can't say definitely it's been a dealbreaker until you've been through it.

I have been through it, and I am speaking from personal experience.

 

But even so, I haven't said it's definitely a dealbreaker in all situations. You said it sucked to see someone "leave at the first sign of trouble", and my point is: for some people, infidelity is a no-compromise dealbreaker. I'm not saying that's a constant; I'm not saying that everyone should feel this way; I'm not saying "definitely." My point is that it may indeed "suck" from the perspective of the WS, but it may make very good sense from the perspective of the BS. And I am speaking from personal experience.

 

As for fighting, I don't mean it literally.

Well, the entire context of this thread is the OP's assertion that he's going to sneak up on his girlfriend and her affair partner and surprise them with the specific intention of creating a shocking, dramatic showdown.

 

He could instead meet with her and see if she still wants to work it out.

You can imagine that it would be pleasant if he could have a nice meeting with her and see if she still wants to work it out, but his whole point is that he wants to set off an explosive confrontation. So keep that context in mind when you compliment his dedication, and his willingness to "fight for someone he cares about."

[Chi townD]

It will be interesting to see if he comes back. I have my doubts though.....