I’m Going to Confront Them

[aliveagain]

It will be interesting to see if he comes back. I have my doubts though.....

 

He did start three blogs about her cheating, too bad he didn't take our advice.

[Spectre]

I still think you should confront them like you want to if it will truly make you feel better.

[Space Ritual]

Well since of course planned confrontations rarely if ever go the way they are planned, perhaps he either did not go through with it (which I hope but doubt), licking his wounds, or waiting to get bailed out.

[JBird2001]

It happened. Just as I planned. The scenario I ran through my head over and over again played out as I expected. Let me be clear, I am in no way proud of what happened.

 

I’ve spent the last few days on the edge of an anxiety attack, not being able to focus at work, watching the clock tick closer and closer to 2:30 PM each day, when she gets off work, wondering if this is the day I catch them together.

 

Each morning when I wake up, the first thought in my head is that the woman sleeping next to me is cheating, and my heart seizes into a fist. At 3:00 AM today I had an especially bad feeling. She had had a facial and wax yesterday, and last night braided her hair so it’s wavy and beautiful in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep again, and when she got up at 5:00 AM, as usual, I pretended to just get up, too (even though my workday starts later). Before she left this morning, she kissed me good bye and told me she loves me.

 

I have not confronted her with my suspicions because I knew she would just deny it. So, I was tracking her and patiently waiting for the right moment to catch her and him together. I knew I had only one shot at it, so there’s your answer to those who wonder why I was tracking her but wasn’t doing anything.

 

Each day I took a late lunch and went to her gym, which is not far from her (and my) workplace. I scouted it out, trying to find the best vantage point where I can see her, but not be seen. She’s been good the past couple of days; coming to the gym and actually going inside and working out, and no sign of his car.

 

Today, as 2:30 PM rolled around, I drove over there and waited in a parking lot across the street. At 2:40, my tracker indicated that she left work and was headed over to the gym. Before she got there, I saw his blue Nissan pull in and park. This is it, I thought. She came in a minute later and parked 3 spaces down. I saw her get out and walk over toward the gym, temporarily vanishing from my viewpoint. She came back into view and towards her car about 20 or 30 seconds later. She couldn’t have gone into the gym in that short a time. She went to his car and got in. That was my cue; I roared the engine, pulled out of my spot and came around to his parking space, screeching to a halt behind his car, blocking it.

 

I expected to have to coax her out of the car, but she had already gotten out and acted like nothing’s wrong. I’m still trying to remember exactly what she said. Something, like “hey, what are you doing here” in a light manner, as if this is all innocent.

 

I told her to get into my car and wait. I walked over to the passenger side window, looked in and asked him “Do you know who I am”? He played it all nervously, which is what I expected. I then told him “Don’t ever touch my girlfriend again, or I’ll come find you”.

 

At this point my girlfriend had gotten out of my car, but I gently showed her back in, then I got in and tossed the tire iron I had hidden in my pocket into the back seat. She asked what that was for, but I didn’t answer. Truth is, I never intended on using it, and glad that I didn’t have to.

 

I peeled out of there. I was present of mind and posed no danger to anybody around me, so please don’t judge me.

 

Of course, the ensuing conversation as I drove her home was worse than I thought. I misjudged her. She was caught, but denied any wrongdoing. They were going for a snack, his invitation. He was relatively new to the company (since October 1st) and needed friends, but when I asked why it was incumbent on HER to be his social committee, I got a vague response. I don’t remember it now. So why meet her at her gym? They work together, why not just leave from work? She claims she stopped at the gym to drop something off, or get something? But she never went inside! I didn’t call her on it; I didn’t see the point. Cheaters are liars.

 

I also didn’t mention I knew about her 2 trips last week to the beach, including the night we were going to the movies. She had gotten home 15 minutes before me that evening, looking like she just got home from work, but the shower was wet and so I knew she hastily washed herself off. Who goes to a romantic spot on the beach with a male friend just to get a snack?

 

Deny, deny, deny, all the way home. Started “gaslighting”, making me feel I was doing something wrong by following her, then demanding proof that I know she f*cked that guy. Actually making me feel that I acted rashly and maybe, just maybe, I didn’t think this through. The woman has ice water running through her veins.

 

I pulled into our driveway and told her to go inside. NO! she said, we’re going to stay here and talk. I told her I have nothing more to say. She refused to leave. So I got out and tried to unlatch the seatbelt but she wouldn’t let me. She struggled, so I gently told her it’s OK, I’m not mad, c’mon, babe, let’s go. Finally got her out and into the garage. She cried, “If you don’t believe me, I’m leaving!” and stormed into the house. I walked back to the car, closed the garage, and drove back to work.

 

So now I’m typing this from a hotel room. Tomorrow I’ll crash at my sister’s place until I figure out what to do next. I’m relieved that this is over and I no longer feel anxiety, but it’s been replaced with feelings of overwhelming emptiness and a huge headache.

 

One final thought: does anybody know the percentage of cheating people who actually get caught in the sex act? I’m sure it’s very low. But the main question is this:

 

How much proof do you need?

[Trimmer]

One final thought: does anybody know the percentage of cheating people who actually get caught in the sex act? I’m sure it’s very low. But the main question is this:

 

How much proof do you need?

Which question are you asking:

How much proof do you need to convince her?

or

How much proof do you need to convince yourself?

[heartshaped]

How much proof do you need?

 

IMO, none.

 

If someone behaves in a manner in which calls their fidelity in to question they might as well have cheated. Obviously, you can no longer trust their word so what's the point in continuing?

[Keke1]

It happened. Just as I planned. The scenario I ran through my head over and over again played out as I expected. Let me be clear, I am in no way proud of what happened.

 

I’ve spent the last few days on the edge of an anxiety attack, not being able to focus at work, watching the clock tick closer and closer to 2:30 PM each day, when she gets off work, wondering if this is the day I catch them together.

 

Each morning when I wake up, the first thought in my head is that the woman sleeping next to me is cheating, and my heart seizes into a fist. At 3:00 AM today I had an especially bad feeling. She had had a facial and wax yesterday, and last night braided her hair so it’s wavy and beautiful in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep again, and when she got up at 5:00 AM, as usual, I pretended to just get up, too (even though my workday starts later). Before she left this morning, she kissed me good bye and told me she loves me.

 

I have not confronted her with my suspicions because I knew she would just deny it. So, I was tracking her and patiently waiting for the right moment to catch her and him together. I knew I had only one shot at it, so there’s your answer to those who wonder why I was tracking her but wasn’t doing anything.

 

Each day I took a late lunch and went to her gym, which is not far from her (and my) workplace. I scouted it out, trying to find the best vantage point where I can see her, but not be seen. She’s been good the past couple of days; coming to the gym and actually going inside and working out, and no sign of his car.

 

Today, as 2:30 PM rolled around, I drove over there and waited in a parking lot across the street. At 2:40, my tracker indicated that she left work and was headed over to the gym. Before she got there, I saw his blue Nissan pull in and park. This is it, I thought. She came in a minute later and parked 3 spaces down. I saw her get out and walk over toward the gym, temporarily vanishing from my viewpoint. She came back into view and towards her car about 20 or 30 seconds later. She couldn’t have gone into the gym in that short a time. She went to his car and got in. That was my cue; I roared the engine, pulled out of my spot and came around to his parking space, screeching to a halt behind his car, blocking it.

 

I expected to have to coax her out of the car, but she had already gotten out and acted like nothing’s wrong. I’m still trying to remember exactly what she said. Something, like “hey, what are you doing here” in a light manner, as if this is all innocent.

 

I told her to get into my car and wait. I walked over to the passenger side window, looked in and asked him “Do you know who I am”? He played it all nervously, which is what I expected. I then told him “Don’t ever touch my girlfriend again, or I’ll come find you”.

 

At this point my girlfriend had gotten out of my car, but I gently showed her back in, then I got in and tossed the tire iron I had hidden in my pocket into the back seat. She asked what that was for, but I didn’t answer. Truth is, I never intended on using it, and glad that I didn’t have to.

 

I peeled out of there. I was present of mind and posed no danger to anybody around me, so please don’t judge me.

 

Of course, the ensuing conversation as I drove her home was worse than I thought. I misjudged her. She was caught, but denied any wrongdoing. They were going for a snack, his invitation. He was relatively new to the company (since October 1st) and needed friends, but when I asked why it was incumbent on HER to be his social committee, I got a vague response. I don’t remember it now. So why meet her at her gym? They work together, why not just leave from work? She claims she stopped at the gym to drop something off, or get something? But she never went inside! I didn’t call her on it; I didn’t see the point. Cheaters are liars.

 

I also didn’t mention I knew about her 2 trips last week to the beach, including the night we were going to the movies. She had gotten home 15 minutes before me that evening, looking like she just got home from work, but the shower was wet and so I knew she hastily washed herself off. Who goes to a romantic spot on the beach with a male friend just to get a snack?

 

Deny, deny, deny, all the way home. Started “gaslighting”, making me feel I was doing something wrong by following her, then demanding proof that I know she f*cked that guy. Actually making me feel that I acted rashly and maybe, just maybe, I didn’t think this through. The woman has ice water running through her veins.

 

I pulled into our driveway and told her to go inside. NO! she said, we’re going to stay here and talk. I told her I have nothing more to say. She refused to leave. So I got out and tried to unlatch the seatbelt but she wouldn’t let me. She struggled, so I gently told her it’s OK, I’m not mad, c’mon, babe, let’s go. Finally got her out and into the garage. She cried, “If you don’t believe me, I’m leaving!” and stormed into the house. I walked back to the car, closed the garage, and drove back to work.

 

So now I’m typing this from a hotel room. Tomorrow I’ll crash at my sister’s place until I figure out what to do next. I’m relieved that this is over and I no longer feel anxiety, but it’s been replaced with feelings of overwhelming emptiness and a huge headache.

 

One final thought: does anybody know the percentage of cheating people who actually get caught in the sex act? I’m sure it’s very low. But the main question is this:

 

How much proof do you need?

 

Such a terrible move it's beyond comprehension

[aliveagain]

You have all the proof you need, just tell her to leave. She is not the prize. No one needs this kind of drama in their life.

[ExpatInItaly]

You have way more proof than you need, really. Drop her. Your ego is getting in the way of logic here. She chose a different guy.

[crederer]

Proof for what? I don't understand what this confrontation accomplished other than making you look crazy (and I can understand to a point WHY you feel this way but actually going through with this was a bit overboard).

 

I don't really get what you want here. It's not a court of law. You don't need to prove without a shadow of a doubt that she was cheating or behaving poorly for you to leave her.

 

Now you've given her a reason to say "see! See how nuts he is! Coming at me with a tire iron, this is exactly why I started to stray, I just didn't know how to get out!" to her/your friends and family.

 

Again, not saying I don't understand how you've come to this to a degree, but sometimes, especially since you had so much time to think about it, you gotta let a level head take over and not let your emotions do the thinking for you.

 

It wasn't the best play here, my friend. But I do feel for you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

One thing I learned about cheaters is they will deny it to the very end, they will come up with every extravagant lie they can muster. They are cowards, they are afraid and ridden with guilt. They are selfish and careless. They will do everything they can to sway you from thinking they are doing something wrong. Everything.

 

I dated a cheater and caught them right in front of my eyes at his gym (he was a personal trainer), by themselves, 10 o'clock at night, sitting on his couch, close to each other and flirting. I sneaked up to the window, banged on it, they both jumped and she got scared (she was married at the time). He came out the door, pushed me off his property and said "Go home, she is just a friend, you are making yourself look crazy."

 

I found love letters to her and he would deny it and say it was just fiction writing that he was doing it for fun. I saw text messages, dirty pictures and call logs of them talking all the time, but he said she just had a miscarriage and needed his support (where the hell was her husband for that?)

 

I mean, I was so NAIVE, I fell for it every time!!! He made her lunch every morning and brought it to work, came straight out and told me he was making her lunch because he felt sorry for her. He wouldn't even make my lunch...

 

Whole point is, you could have all the evidence in the world, and you still will want more. Because you just can't believe it, it hurts. How could they do that? Why don't they just leave you and be with them? How come it isn't that easy? You know why? Because we don't leave, we stay and let them continue to shame us...

 

Stop trying to catch them. Just stop. Don't ask questions, she will lie anyways. Do nothing, but leave. Just leave, go away and never come back. Never speak to her again.

 

I wish I would've done that the moment I found out...it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment and hurt.

[Kate9292]

It happened. Just as I planned. The scenario I ran through my head over and over again played out as I expected. Let me be clear, I am in no way proud of what happened.

 

I’ve spent the last few days on the edge of an anxiety attack, not being able to focus at work, watching the clock tick closer and closer to 2:30 PM each day, when she gets off work, wondering if this is the day I catch them together.

 

Each morning when I wake up, the first thought in my head is that the woman sleeping next to me is cheating, and my heart seizes into a fist. At 3:00 AM today I had an especially bad feeling. She had had a facial and wax yesterday, and last night braided her hair so it’s wavy and beautiful in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep again, and when she got up at 5:00 AM, as usual, I pretended to just get up, too (even though my workday starts later). Before she left this morning, she kissed me good bye and told me she loves me.

 

I have not confronted her with my suspicions because I knew she would just deny it. So, I was tracking her and patiently waiting for the right moment to catch her and him together. I knew I had only one shot at it, so there’s your answer to those who wonder why I was tracking her but wasn’t doing anything.

 

Each day I took a late lunch and went to her gym, which is not far from her (and my) workplace. I scouted it out, trying to find the best vantage point where I can see her, but not be seen. She’s been good the past couple of days; coming to the gym and actually going inside and working out, and no sign of his car.

 

Today, as 2:30 PM rolled around, I drove over there and waited in a parking lot across the street. At 2:40, my tracker indicated that she left work and was headed over to the gym. Before she got there, I saw his blue Nissan pull in and park. This is it, I thought. She came in a minute later and parked 3 spaces down. I saw her get out and walk over toward the gym, temporarily vanishing from my viewpoint. She came back into view and towards her car about 20 or 30 seconds later. She couldn’t have gone into the gym in that short a time. She went to his car and got in. That was my cue; I roared the engine, pulled out of my spot and came around to his parking space, screeching to a halt behind his car, blocking it.

 

I expected to have to coax her out of the car, but she had already gotten out and acted like nothing’s wrong. I’m still trying to remember exactly what she said. Something, like “hey, what are you doing here” in a light manner, as if this is all innocent.

 

I told her to get into my car and wait. I walked over to the passenger side window, looked in and asked him “Do you know who I am”? He played it all nervously, which is what I expected. I then told him “Don’t ever touch my girlfriend again, or I’ll come find you”.

 

At this point my girlfriend had gotten out of my car, but I gently showed her back in, then I got in and tossed the tire iron I had hidden in my pocket into the back seat. She asked what that was for, but I didn’t answer. Truth is, I never intended on using it, and glad that I didn’t have to.

 

I peeled out of there. I was present of mind and posed no danger to anybody around me, so please don’t judge me.

 

Of course, the ensuing conversation as I drove her home was worse than I thought. I misjudged her. She was caught, but denied any wrongdoing. They were going for a snack, his invitation. He was relatively new to the company (since October 1st) and needed friends, but when I asked why it was incumbent on HER to be his social committee, I got a vague response. I don’t remember it now. So why meet her at her gym? They work together, why not just leave from work? She claims she stopped at the gym to drop something off, or get something? But she never went inside! I didn’t call her on it; I didn’t see the point. Cheaters are liars.

 

I also didn’t mention I knew about her 2 trips last week to the beach, including the night we were going to the movies. She had gotten home 15 minutes before me that evening, looking like she just got home from work, but the shower was wet and so I knew she hastily washed herself off. Who goes to a romantic spot on the beach with a male friend just to get a snack?

 

Deny, deny, deny, all the way home. Started “gaslighting”, making me feel I was doing something wrong by following her, then demanding proof that I know she f*cked that guy. Actually making me feel that I acted rashly and maybe, just maybe, I didn’t think this through. The woman has ice water running through her veins.

 

I pulled into our driveway and told her to go inside. NO! she said, we’re going to stay here and talk. I told her I have nothing more to say. She refused to leave. So I got out and tried to unlatch the seatbelt but she wouldn’t let me. She struggled, so I gently told her it’s OK, I’m not mad, c’mon, babe, let’s go. Finally got her out and into the garage. She cried, “If you don’t believe me, I’m leaving!” and stormed into the house. I walked back to the car, closed the garage, and drove back to work.

 

So now I’m typing this from a hotel room. Tomorrow I’ll crash at my sister’s place until I figure out what to do next. I’m relieved that this is over and I no longer feel anxiety, but it’s been replaced with feelings of overwhelming emptiness and a huge headache.

 

One final thought: does anybody know the percentage of cheating people who actually get caught in the sex act? I’m sure it’s very low. But the main question is this:

 

How much proof do you need?

 

You don't need anymore.

 

Honestly, she's playing you for a fool now. I take it all back. She isn't worth fighting for.

[Spectre]

Proof for what? I don't understand what this confrontation accomplished other than making you look crazy (and I can understand to a point WHY you feel this way but actually going through with this was a bit overboard).

 

I don't feel what he did was that crazy. This chick was playing him for a damn fool and if confronting her in the manner he did would help him in ANY way? Whether it is just some closure or helps him get over her easier, etc. then nope it wasn't crazy. She was playing him, she deserved to be confronted and embarrassed.

 

Some people deal with grief in different ways, this shady ass chick was messing with his head, etc. He has every right to do what he did, nobody got hurt, etc.

 

I can see some people saying they feel him doing what he did might not of accomplished much, but it definitely wasn't crazy.

 

You don't need anymore.

 

Honestly, she's playing you for a fool now. I take it all back. She isn't worth fighting for.

 

I'm not sure what gave you the idea a person like this was ever worth fighting for.

[Chi townD]

The moment she said, "If you don't believe me then I'm leaving!" I would have said, "Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!"

 

Dude, she's a girlfriend. Count your blessings that you aren't married to her.

[Spectre]

I also feel it really says a lot about the type of person this chick is by her trying to turn this around on you and complain about lack of privacy. How can people have the gall to complain about privacy when their spouse finds out they are cheating via invading that privacy..thus proving they had every damn right to be suspicious of you and to invade your privacy in the first place.

 

Since sorry: your privacy goes right out the window when it comes to royally screwing with peoples heads like this. You deserve privacy, but your partner deserves respect and once you stop showing respect you lose all rights to privacy. These people really feel they deserve to not only have their cake, but to eat it too. How selfish can you get?

 

Tell this woman to never contact you again and if she doesn't like it just tell her she can cry you a river if she wants. She can go be with the dude she cheated on since obviously he has the utmost respect for her(except of course he doesn't respect her since why would he? She's a cheater and liar, even if he is the one she is cheating with).

Edited November 21, 2013 by Spectre

[d0nnivain]

You are very lucky this turned out the way you wanted. Most women would not have gotten in the car with you. Many OM may have decked you for manhandling the woman. At the very least I'm shocked that nobody called the police in all of this.

 

 

You now know that your GF is a cheater & a liar. What else is there?

[Zahara]

Typical cheater:

 

1) Deny, deny, deny.

 

When that isn't working:

 

2) Gaslight

 

I'm not sure what more you need.

 

If you never had the informant and the tracker, you'd still be the fool. After all this, grow a pair and accept that you have been cheated and lied to.

[Spectre]

You are very lucky this turned out the way you wanted. Most women would not have gotten in the car with you. Many OM may have decked you for manhandling the woman. At the very least I'm shocked that nobody called the police in all of this.

 

If it all went down like he said then I don't feel it would of been right to call the cops. He told the OM to never contact his gf again. The gf got in the car with him and did get out..then he claims he gently put her back in the car. Assuming he isn't lying about that, if I saw this happen I would not feel it merited calling the cops. If he very violently grabbed her and shoved her into the car very harshly with a lot of force..then yeah that is different.

 

I'm also wondering why his gf even got back out of his car in the first place. Again, if what he said is true then she did this after the guy had merely told the OM to stay away or he'd come find him. Considering the circumstances, he had every right to say this to the OM. At this point he hadn't physically touched his gf, etc. so why get out of the car simply because your boyfriend very rightfully tells the other guy to stay the hell away from you? If she disagreed with the whole "the OM should stay away" then she could of merely just broken up with the guy and then been free to be with the scumbag she cheated with.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Spectre

[Clay]

Yea its simple now. If she is living with you tell her to pack her stuff and be gone. Don't give her another second of your time. Someone who isnt decent enough to own there mistake when you caught her is not worth anymore of your time. I would tell her just like I did my xW.

 

DONT CALL!

DONT WRITE!

WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!!!

 

of course she did not listen she wrote me horrible letters for six months lol.

 

Clay

[Space Ritual]

But I want her to see us together. I want her to size us up and know what she’s giving up: a relatively tall handsome man, for a stupid-looking guy clearly a head shorter than I am. I’ve been there for her through her sister’s death, her hospitalization for a broken arm, and numerous other issues we’ve been though, and I doubt he would ever be there for her in foul-weather situations. I believe there are things worth fighting for (figuratively in this case), even though my chances of having a future with my long-term girlfriend are essentially shot.

 

Well I am glad you are not in jail and did not get physical....

 

However....

 

YOU are the one sitting in the hotel room?

 

She sized you up alright, you gave her a wonderful excuse for her and any mutual friends to paint you as bat**** crazy. Apparently she seemed more scared of you than anything. Yeah she cheated on you and you feel better now for the confrontation....but that will quickly fade. In her mind she is not losing anything and the confrontation just reinforces any notion she has that you may be unstable...I know that perception well...Been there done that.

 

 

And it will be you moving your stuff out when you should have dumped her crap outside before the confrontation.

 

 

At any rate, I am glad you are safe. I would suggest you arrange for someone else to pick your stuff up however or at the very least if you are going to do it have a voice activated recorder with you so you can record any ensuing drama that may occur when you arrive. Just protect yourself now, man:)

 

And keep bail money just in case...you never know

[twosadthings]

I think you should have waited a bit and observed their interactions then there would have been no way for her to deny your suspicions.

 

Just sayin'

 

Twosadthings

[Spectre]

In her mind she is not losing anything and the confrontation just reinforces any notion she has that you may be unstable...I know that perception well...Been there done that.

 

Well if she really takes this attitude then he should be especially glad she is out of his life. Only a shady person would use this confrontation to justify their shady behavior.

[Trimmer]

The gf got in the car with him and did get out..then he claims he gently put her back in the car. Assuming he isn't lying about that, if I saw this happen I would not feel it merited calling the cops. If he very violently grabbed her and shoved her into the car very harshly with a lot of force..then yeah that is different.

Hmmm, how do you "gently put" an adult into a car? Either she was willing - in case you don't have to "put her" - or she wasn't, in which case I would be interested to hear her impression of how "gently" went.

 

To "gently put someone back in the car" sounds an awful lot like a euphemism.

Edited November 22, 2013 by Trimmer

[man_in_the_box]

I would've just got some actual solid evidence, leave it at her place/your shared place and just left instead of throwing a dramatic hissyfit. But whatever suits you best.

[Miss Clavel]

wow. she gets the house?

Edited November 22, 2013 by Miss Clavel