fool me once same on you, fool me twice...

[hotgurl]

Ok this thought popped into my head while I was reading another post.

 

I can kinda see how an affair with a mm/mw would start even though it's wrong, bad ect.. but after the horrible break up and ensuing pain why would you ever enter into another relationship with a mm?

 

I am asking because some posters here have dated several different mm (not kmt) . So why keep dating mm. Is seems kinda masochistic.

 

Please no it's wrong it's against god blah, blah, blah...

[Mr Spock]

In my case, it just sort of happened-I repaired one hurt with another.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by hotgurl

 

 

I am asking because some posters here have dated several different mm (not kmt) .

 

 

Ok, YOU can see it, why can't you-know-who!??!

 

Spock, I believe, does repair one hurt with another. When she meets these men and starts feeling the butterflies, I don't think she's paying attention to the marital status of the guy as much as what he makes her feel.

 

Unfortunately, although sooo many god-spouters don't believe this, it DOES sometimes "just happen." It's like there you are, knowing they are married and thinking they are off the market, and next thing you know, you're crying at a scene from Love Actually, alone.

[Barby]

In my opinion (confession time) even though I'm totally against affairs once when I was 16 I dated and slept with a MM he was in his early 20's and I met him at a friends's house...she was sooooooooooooooooooooooo "in lust" with him but him and I just instantly had a "connection" emotionally, physically, ect.

 

We hooked up more than once, I knew he was married and I didn't honestly care because I really really thought he was hot, he was an amazing lover, and to be quite honest I didn't get a sh*t about his damn wife....

 

 

BUT she obviously found out about me (not because I asked him to tell her or anything) but he did. He let her know that he had feelings for me and that he was going to continue to see me no matter what. Well I met her as well, and she had just had a baby, she and I became friends of sorts, and she let me know it wasn't her husbands baby (she had been having a year long affair) and even though she was upset by Joe's (my ex MM) affair with me....she couldn't say much about it.

 

 

I messed around with him for a long time, he stayed with me many a nights/weekends and days on end.....but finally I got tired of knowing he would eventually go back to her (not that I really expected more) but I knew my feelings were growing so I HAD to end it before it got me into a "heartbreaking" situation where I would want him to chose or something, I don't know that he wouldn't have chose me but honestly if I'd continued to fall in love with him I wouldn't have been able to handle that...

 

 

SO my opinion is that it can "just happen" once...but after that you know what you're getting yourself into...if you choose to continue partaking in relationships with MM then you have to know that eventually things may not go your way and you may end up really scarred emotionally...

[Mr Spock]

I think certain people will be talking out of their ass regardless of religion-they just use that as a sheild to prevent themselves from actually having to put forth intelligent debate. Not everyone who follows a faith does that.

[Barby]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I think certain people will be talking out of their ass regardless of religion-they just use that as a sheild to prevent themselves from actually having to put forth intelligent debate. Not everyone who follows a faith does that.

 

 

After reading a certain post "we all know which one" I have to agree...try once or twice to get someone to see the error of their ways, then leave it alone...

[indigo_moon]

A lot of people who aren't "religious" think affairs are wrong. Affairs break up marriages, break up families, cause innocent people a lot of hurt and devastation (why take a quick look around these forums......you couldn't throw a rock without missing a post by someone who's come to find their spouse was having an affair). It's also frustrating to read people who are involved in them, complaining.....because they got themselves into the relationship knowing full well that things wouldn't be easy or cut and dry. And for those who go from one affair to another, yeah, it is masochistic. I think it indicates someone who has some really deep seated issues, who thrives on risk and controversy and a challenge....who doesn't have the self esteem or self respect to want better for themself.....to believe they deserve more than to be someone's "on the side screw/plaything." A stable self respecting woman should not settle for picking up some man's crumbs...........and being content to sit at home crying and stressed out while he's there with his wife and family and she's alone. It's not some newsflash that getting involved in an affair is almost always going to cause a lot of pain and strife, it's been known for ages and ages......so if someone decides to get involved despite common sense, I say they get what they deserve....quit crying.

 

And as for this pseudo-justification that people who get involved in affairs, well..it's not their fault, it "just happened"...what a crock. We are human beings who were created with a mind and a conscience and the ability to reason and use logic.....and think about consequences before we make decisions. You don't just "fall" into love with someone, that's such a myth. Love is an action and a choice.........and if someone really doesn't want to get involved with someone else's spouse, they can head things off at the pass long before the temptation is there...why millions of people do it every single day, imagine that.

[Mr Spock]

That's what you feel. "Love" is much too complex to be bound into any one person's category of it. I CHOSE to repair one hurt with someone else. Would I have loved for him to be single? You BET. I would love for him to be single now. And I'm doing my very best to make the relationship a valid one. I don't want to settle for less, and I won't. So far, he's told me that he WILL leave. Whether or not I'm being placcated we'll find out in the long run.

[indigo_moon]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

That's what you feel. "Love" is much too complex to be bound into any one person's category of it. I CHOSE to repair one hurt with someone else. Would I have loved for him to be single? You BET. I would love for him to be single now. And I'm doing my very best to make the relationship a valid one. I don't want to settle for less, and I won't. So far, he's told me that he WILL leave. Whether or not I'm being placcated we'll find out in the long run.

 

I don't get it. You most likely got an STD from this guy (that you recently posted about) - which would indicate he's cheating on you as well, and you created a child in "love" I assume (seeing how you love him), yet you terminated the pregnancy......yet you're still going to hold onto this fantasy and believe that he's going to leave his wife for you? But wait, I remember your posts from the other night in which you were clear in saying that if he didn't leave his wife, you'd basically make him regret it. Yeah, that sounds like love ! Oh boy, where can I get me some of that?

[Mr Spock]

Obviously you're not paying THAT much attention, or you'd get your facts straight. Odd how you feel the need to dredge up my posts-we don't KNOW who gave who what. He thinks it's me. I think it's him. You are more that capable of carrying it for an extended period of time with no symptoms-he claims that I gave it to him since I'm the first girlfriend he's had in a year. I don't even care about that at this stage of the game and he doesn't either. I really don't feel the need to defend myself or my actions to you. Especially my decision not to carry the child.

 

Life isn't perfect. People aren't perfect. You most certainly aren't perfect. Am I deluding myself? I'd like to think not, especially when I've got major feeligns involved. All I can do is go on what he has said at this stage. But let's not hijack the thread into me-I'm too tired to go back through all of your posts and point out what I think makes YOU a loser.

[Leaf]

I have only done it once.. and he wasnt married when it started. We were together for ten months before that happened.

 

Never say never , but I highly doubt I would ever do it again.

 

I want to spend the rest of my life with this one.

[fanou22]

People fall into the loop.

 

You date a MM, he hurts you. You decide to do it right and start dating single guys. While being with MM you had forgotten how single guys can be sometimes.

You exchange phone numbers with a SG but he never calls you. He calls you only once and never call you again.

You go out to dinner and he says I had a wonderful time but then again when you send a "thank you" e-mail "I had a good time maybe we can do it again" he will reply after a week telling you about the weather and his dog.

 

We all know how single guys can behave like jerks sometimes (No offense to anyone maybe I am meeting the wrong people).

 

After you go through a string of failed dates, the idea of being the mistress starts becoming appealing. You start thinking "hey at least someone was interested in me. Somebody cared about me". Of course at this point you don't go back to MM #1 but meet MM #2.

 

When you meet MM#2, you forget how you swore off giving the time of the day to a MM. MM#2 says and does the right thing, all of the sudden you forgot the pain and suffering for MM#1 and tell yourself "Gee I love this man. How could I have loved MM#1 is beyond me"

 

And the loop continues and cycle never ends until one day you decide that you have had enough and break the cycle.

 

This is only my analysis. I am not at MM#2. I am at the point right now of going through the failed first dates. I know there won't be MM#2 for me. The prospect of loneliness seems more appealing than such a situation.

[hotgurl]

Love is an action and a choice

 

I don't agree with this. I feel in love with someone I knew and I knew I never had a shot at him. Nothing ever happened but to this day years later I still have feeling for him. Love is not a choice what you do about it is.

[KissMyTiara]

Fanou hit it right on the head. From the very get go, you know what you have with MM. There's no guesswork, and they go overboard when it comes to "courting," so you're never left wondering whether the dude is following the 3-day call-back or 5-day call-back plan, bc MM calls you ALL the time.

[CurvyGurl]

I'm not seeing how dating/sleeping with a man who is married is not a choice. Love may not be a choice but acting on it certainly is.

 

Just proves my theory that folks are more than willing to bend 'rules' so that it benefits them, but if the shoe were on the other foot they'd be screaming holy hell. Ie if you were married and your DH was stepping out on you, it wouldnt be such a helpless act, would it? You'd wonder how it's possible he couldn't keep it in his pants, would you not?

 

Do what you will, we're adults (hopefully) and whatever floats your boat-- but dont EVEN try to excuse your behavior by saying you can't help it. At least own up to making the consious choice to take part in the relationship.

 

As far as those who do it over and over again? Dunno, gluttons for punishment? Want-what-I-can't-have-get-it-then-don't-want-it syndrome? I refuse to believe there can be real love in an extramarital affair. If he'll do it to his current wife, he'll do it to you, too. Just watch your back.

 

 

*walks off, dragging soapbox*

[indigo_moon]

Originally posted by fanou22

After you go through a string of failed dates, the idea of being the mistress starts becoming appealing. You start thinking "hey at least someone was interested in me. Somebody cared about me". Of course at this point you don't go back to MM #1 but meet MM #2.

 

Puhlease. Care about you? All he cares about is getting some ass on the side, feeling like a big stud because he's got 2 women on the go and the excitement of sex with someone new/no strings. Don't delude yourself that a MM really gives a sh*t.

[fanou22]

Sorry I do not agree with you.

 

Look on the infidelity board. How many times have you read that people fall out of love in their marriage and then love and care about someone else.

 

No one can convince me that when MM spends so many months with his OW he does not start caring about her.

 

Back to the topic at hand it was simply a speculation.

[indigo_moon]

Originally posted by fanou22

Sorry I do not agree with you.

 

Look on the infidelity board. How many times have you read that people fall out of love in their marriage and then love and care about someone else.

 

No one can convince me that when MM spends so many months with his OW he does not start caring about her.

 

Back to the topic at hand it was simply a speculation.

 

I've been coming to these kind of relationship forums for years.....and I've read hundreds if not thousands of posts about OM/OW/infidelity/affair posts............and sure, there are people who fall out of love in their marriage, I won't dispute that.............but almost ALL of these posts involve a woman who's going out of her mind because her MM won't leave his wife, is treating her like a common ho........whereas, it seems to me that if a woman is unhappy in her marriage, she's more inclined to leave her marriage (put her money where her mouth is) in an attempt to be with her lover. Take a look around................the vast majority of the posts in this forum are made by distraught OW who are clearly getting the short end of the stick, are stressing themselves out because they're being handed a line of bullsh*t (for months and years) that he'll leave his wife for them...........but it almost never happens. Why is that? If the guy is in such an unhappy marriage and doesn't really love his wife, why's he still with his wife and not with his mistress? I'll tell you why.....because he's got it made in the shade and he couldn't give a damn about what he's putting the mistress through. Read KissMyTiara's most recent post and you'll see a prime example of a selfish pig who couldn't give a rip's ass about her feelings.

[Mr Spock]

Oh, F*ck it.

[fanou22]

We never get much perspective from a MM except for immoralist.

 

Wasn't there some new member here who was saying he fell in love with his OW? Everyone jumped on his case and made sure to tell him how wrong he was.

 

If the guy is in such an unhappy marriage and doesn't really love his wife, why's he still with his wife and not with his mistress? I'll tell you why.....because he's got it made in the shade and he couldn't give a damn about what he's putting the mistress through. Read KissMyTiara's most recent post and you'll see a prime example of a selfish pig who couldn't give a rip's ass about her feelings.

 

The serial cheater would not care about hurting the mistress. But there are some men who would not leave their marriage because of the common misconception that it will make their kids miserable and that he would be setting up a bad example.

 

I bet you that every MM had deep emotional issues that are far beyond the unhappy marriage. We cannot help everyone. But when push comes to shove, they would rather stay in sheltered life than really give their happiness a shot.

 

I read KMT's post and IMO the man tries to control and belittle her with what he says and does. I bet at his house his W is the one wearing the pants. He is reversing the roles with her. What does that say to me? He has got issues.

 

The affair comes down to what the OW expects from the MM. Some of them walk into it knowing that they will be #2 and are not looking to be the #1 in MM's life. Call selfishness or whatever pleases you. I was like that. I never wanted to be #1 in xMM's life. The relationship was working for me as it was. His emotions were the ones getting out of control and I knew that for me to care about him was to let him go and figure out on his own what he wants from his marriage and even his life.

[chocolate]

I DO NOT AGREE WITH IT BUT U CAN NOT HELP WHO U FALL IN LOVE WITH . SOMETIMES LOVE CAN MAKE U DO CRAZY THINGS . MY FATHER MEET HIS NEW WIFE THROUGH A FLING AND THEY HAVE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 10 YRS . I THINK FREINDSHIP MAKES A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.I AM CURRENTLY FRIENDS WITH A MARRIED MAN BUT I DO NOT GET MY HOPES UP ON HIM LEAVING HIS WIFE AT ALL . PERSONELLY I CAN TELL U I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CHEATS ON HER HUSBAND AND HE DOES THE SAME AND SHE GETS MAD! BUT I TELL HER U R DOING IT TO TWO WRONGS DONT MAKE IT RIGHT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND WHAT EVER MAKES U HAPPY .THATS HOW MANY WOMEN AND MEN FIND THEIR HAPPINESS!!!!!