Sharmaine Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Hi. Recently an ex from a few years back contacted me. He said he'd been curious as to know what happened to me the past few years and he asked if we could be friends, keep in touch and stuff. I agreed because it's a few years since we broke up and I thought we could be friends after such a long time. Anyway for around four months we were emailing/texting, sharing photos, etc and everything was great between us. The correspondance was around twice weekly. More recently though, I wrote him an email and he replied with a short response, saying he was very busy and that he'd mail me back sometime during the week. This was almost two weeks ago and no reply and now I'm not sure what to think because one minute we were getting along great, the next, I hear nothing at all? I was thinking of emailing him and asking if he's ok, but then I'm thinking why should I, because perhaps this is his way of giving me the brush off, although I'm not sure why he'd want to do that. It was after all, his idea to contact me and for us to keep in touch. Any clues as to why he may be acting this way. I'm clueless Link to post Share on other sites
qklrnr2233 Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 First of all, the fact that you are worried about this guy, kinda makes me think you are still interested in being more than friends... But back to your question...honestly, just let it be. Ive had times in my life where I just became super busy...are you 2 in college, where you may have finals or something? He may be testing your waters too. If you aren't really interested, then don't reply, because you will just be giving him the wrong ideas....or if you do, explain your feelings about the situation. Or if you are interested again, then see if something can happen... He is either genuinely busy, or he is leaving the ball in your court...(I think its the latter) Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by Sharmaine I was thinking of emailing him and asking if he's ok There's nothing that says you shouldn't really. That's what concerned friends do. If he is genuinely interested in being friends, he'll contact you back and let you know how he's doing. If he doesn't contact you back, or is short or cold about it then I would just not bother with it. A lot of times in a situation like this, it doesn't take long to remember why they are your "ex" in the first place. It could have been curiosity on his part, maybe some sort of closure, or maybe just a fishing expedition to see if there was any spark left around with which to make a fire. Who knows. I can tell you this though: watch his actions, not his words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sharmaine Posted December 24, 2004 Author Share Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by qklrnr2233 First of all, the fact that you are worried about this guy, kinda makes me think you are still interested in being more than friends... Yes, I was, kind of, lol. Maybe he picked up on that and I scared him off. He never said that he wanted us to get back together, but then he didn't say that we'd never be back together either. Likewise I never told him that I would take/wouldn't take him back. But back to your question...honestly, just let it be. Ive had times in my life where I just became super busy...are you 2 in college, where you may have finals or something? He may be testing your waters too. If you aren't really interested, then don't reply, because you will just be giving him the wrong ideas....or if you do, explain your feelings about the situation. No, neither of us are in college, but I do know that he is a busy guy. However he's always managed to mail me before when he's said he's been busy. I'm unsure what you mean by he may be 'testing the waters'? In what way? He is either genuinely busy, or he is leaving the ball in your court...(I think its the latter) Thing is, is that I would've mailed him back after recieving his mail, if he hadn't ended his mail with, 'Sorry this is short, I will mail you back sometime later this week'. That kinda says to me, 'Don't call me, I'll call you'. So how can the ball be in my court, when he said he'd mail me back? Maybe he'd said he'd mail me back and he didn't have any intentions of doing so. It's kinda like when a guy says he'll call and then he doesn't. But then I'm thinking, should I still acknowledge his mail, because at the end of the day, he need not have mailed at all, yet he did. He may still have expected me mailing back, yet I havn't and he could be wondering why I havn't mailed him.....lol. Just dunno what to do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sharmaine Posted December 24, 2004 Author Share Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia There's nothing that says you shouldn't really. That's what concerned friends do. If he is genuinely interested in being friends, he'll contact you back and let you know how he's doing. I was thinking of sending a mail asking how he is, if he is ok, etc, and then see what transpires from that. At least if he doesn't respond to that, then I will know for sure that for some unknown reason, he doesn't want us to remain in contact anymore......then I'll let it go. The way things stand, he mailed me last and so even tho he said in his last mail he'd mail later that week, I'm still thinking that it is my turn to email him, because at least he still mailed. A lot of times in a situation like this, it doesn't take long to remember why they are your "ex" in the first place. It could have been curiosity on his part, maybe some sort of closure, or maybe just a fishing expedition to see if there was any spark left around with which to make a fire. Who knows. I can tell you this though: watch his actions, not his words. Yeah, he could've got in contact for any of the above I guess. All he said was he'd been curious about me since he last saw me because I was a huge part of his life at one time, etc, etc. Once the catching up emails had been exchanged tho, we still continued to mail/text each other. These mails were just full of what we'd been doing that week, 'news' emails so to speak. Conversation was running dry actually and we were running out of things to say to one another, lol. We havn't seen each other in a few years, all correspondance was done by email/texting. Link to post Share on other sites
qklrnr2233 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 By testing the waters..I mean he may have left that email to see how you would react... Like if you write back with concern, he knows that you feel one way, or if you dont write back he knows you feel another way. Sorry that was unclear. However, what Lucrezia said also can be good advice...about being a concerned friend. There is nothing wrong with that type of email. I would give it a little more time and do that, and see how he responds. That way if you get no response, you are clear, and if you do, you can play it by ear from that. (I know I basically just said you are damned if you do, damned if you dont, but I'm kinda in the same situation, and it sucks) I am learning more and more, though, that if the person is worth it to you, then just ask them (if they care about you in any way, they will give you an honest answer, and if they dont, then they arent worth your time anyways) Link to post Share on other sites
qklrnr2233 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 also, the ball in your court thing had to do with the same thing I was saying about testing the waters Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Maybe his computer is down? Maybe he started seeing someone? Maybe he's out of town for the holidays and no access to email? You could always drop him a very brief email wishing him a Merry Christmas...just make it something like "Merry Christmas, hope all is well with you" ..then leave it at that and if you don't hear back from him within a couple of weeks, I'd just let it go and chalk it up to one of the many mysteries in life, I'm afraid Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sharmaine Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by qklrnr2233 also, the ball in your court thing had to do with the same thing I was saying about testing the waters Hmm, I dunno, I don't think he's testing me. I placed plenty of hints in my emails that there were still feelings on my part for him, I don't think he's as stupid as not to have picked on it. Likewise I picked up some things in his emails, that did point to him wanting to see me. For instance, he was visiting my town recently and he'd mentioned that to me. He even told me exactly where he would be that day. However he hadn't asked me to go and see him, but I'd suspected he was hinting that I did. Because I was unsure I didn't go, then in his next email he'd said that he thought I would've gone to see him when I knew he'd be around. But ya know, I can't mind read, it's useless for him to drop hints and just hope I pick up on them. Anyway, I'd told him that next time he was around, to let me know and I'd drop by if it was ok with him, then I got the short email with a little news, then ending with saying he was busy, he'd mail me later, then nothing?? Link to post Share on other sites
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