Advantages/Disadvantages of Cross-Sex Friendships?

[swedeace]

Okay, other than the usual million topics I see in friendship message boards involving "I think I am in love with my friend," I'd like to read shared advantages/disadvantages of cross-sex friendships? In other words, what is a casual way of reminding a cross-sex acquaintance (not yet a friend but hoping to slowly go into a friendship - nothing romantic at all!!!) you'd like to treat them out to lunch and hang out. I understand the whole "males are close in doing" and "females are close in dialog." Yeah, yeah... so I don't want to sit and just talk with him but want to hang out at the movies or out to lunch or something. Also, any ideas of any hangouts with opposite sex friends?

 

I am asking because I'd like to casually remind my cross-sex friend about this. I ran into him two weeks ago and told me he still owes me an email. I'm still waiting... *taps fingers* He's a VERY busy person, but now that we are on semester break, shouldn't he have some more time (other than holiday stuff)?

 

I also have his cell number he gave me in September, but since we don't see each other too much or talk like we did last summer, would it seem too weird to call him?

 

Please, no "romance" ones because those are so common in the hetero friendships. Thanks!

 

Input please!!!

[johan]

I'd say don't bother. It's not mutual. "Cross-sex" friendships just happen. If you have to strategize, it's not mutual. If you consider strategizing, then you want more than friendship.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by johan

I'd say don't bother. It's not mutual. "Cross-sex" friendships just happen. If you have to strategize, it's not mutual. If you consider strategizing, then you want more than friendship.

 

I agree with above. SOunds to me like you want more than a friend here. Him being unavailable and blowing you off has piqued your interest and women LOVE a challenging man.

[quankanne]

bah! don't listen to them, they're guys!!!!

 

seriously, just keep it low-key when you contact him. Tell him you'd like to get together and hang out sometime and leave it at that. Guys aren't as "structured" in their relationships as we are, and if they're comfortable with a relationship, they don't see a need to nourish it the way women do. A pal is a pal who is there when it's time to do things. Don't take it personally, or it'll drive you nuts!

 

and good for you for wanting to have an opposite sex buddy -- my best friend from college is a guy, and we've had some good times together. Mostly just hanging out, nothing really special, though our "thing" in college was to leave town for the beach in the middle of the night to just walk and have soul-to-soul talks. Now that we're older and live cross state from each other, we don't get together as often, but we exchange emails and phone calls from time to time ... and it works out well, though I do try to get down to see him and his wife a couple of times a year.

 

just remember that guy friends have a total different approach to friendship, more laid-back and EXTREMELY low-maintenance. but when you need someone to get your back, they've got you covered.

 

 

oh I had a thought: tell him you're cooking or baking something, and you've got a six-pack in the fridge. Guys cannot resist good (or free) food, lol ...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by swedeace

In other words, what is a casual way of reminding a cross-sex acquaintance (not yet a friend but hoping to slowly go into a friendship - nothing romantic at all!!!) you'd like to treat them out to lunch and hang out.

 

Yeah, yeah... so I don't want to sit and just talk with him but want to hang out at the movies or out to lunch or something.

 

I'm still waiting... *taps fingers* He's a VERY busy person, but now that we are on semester break, shouldn't he have some more time (other than holiday stuff)?

 

would it seem too weird to call him?

 

 

 

Originally posted by quankanne

Guys cannot resist good (or free) food, lol ...

 

 

she is interested in him as more than a friend. And QUANKANNE...most men know about the food trick. Most of the time when a woman brings a guy HOMEMADE food she wants more than a friendship.

[swedeace]

Originally posted by alphamale

she is interested in him as more than a friend. And QUANKANNE...most men know about the food trick. Most of the time when a woman brings a guy HOMEMADE food she wants more than a friendship.

And.... you are not me or female. I don't appreciate being doubted with my own words. And QuankAnne is only trying to give suggestions, and that comment you quoted she is just joking in a funny way. I don't appreciate being accused of this so-called "food trick." It is made it to sound like some kind of pet trick. On the contrary.... A friend is just a friend, and personally, I am MORE interested in having friends at this point in my life. That is me - my own individuality. I have always been quite obsessed of befriending people all my life. Heck, I've even been like this with females who I want to befriend as friends. It's not to say there is some kind of "love interest." I do this with ANYONE regardless of their sex. But that's just me. I cannot verify for other females who have intentions of more than just a friend but this is me, so there....

 

Just because one sex wants to befriend the opposite sex does NOT mean there is some "hidden" agenda out there. It sounds like you've had some past experiences with that yourself if you're too quick to judge females as a whole. Just remember that NOT all females are the same and NOT all males are the same. It's not nice to stereotype each person. We are all individuals.

 

We may live in a majorily heterosexual world, but our society is beginning to become more open to cross-sex friendships much more than in the past. While the media doesn't help with movies like When Harry Met Sally, real life can be totally different with certain individuals. We are all different.

 

BTW, there is one little factor about him that I respect out of him. I have nothing more than friendship in my heart. You don't know me personally, so please don't judge me until you do....

[swedeace]

AlphaMale: Reading past threads, it really sounds like you have a lot of hidden anger and over-analyze female's friendships with males. It goes both ways, but once again, it's up to each individual. You really must have gotten some bad experience in order to view the world with such glasses to see what you are thinking. I took a Gender in Sociology class, and it really changes your outlooks for both males and females in society. It's really interesting, so I highly recommend taking a class like that where you live. You learn so much about society as a whole.

 

QuakAnne: Thanks for your suggestions. It would be really cool to hangout with my male friend. I hear it can take up to three years for a friendship to develop, so I'd be willing to wait to gain a friend. I'm just trying to bite my tongue and wait patiently. I really enjoyed his company when we talked. It was refreshing to just sit and talk with a guy as just a friend and know nothing more will happen. It was so relaxing! I felt like I could be myself.

[Rayne84]

Almost all of my friends are male-in fact, I probably only have 1-2 female friends, and I'm not nearly as close to them as my male friends. Probably will be a problem someday when I need to get married and have no maid of honor. My best friend is gay, but that doesn't mean I can make him the maid of honor, lol. All of my other male friends are straight, though.

 

Yes, I've run into some problems because of this; situations where a friend falls in love with me or me him. (The former has happened more than the latter.) I would say though, that for the most part my friends know where I stand with them; I may look, talk, walk, and act like a girl, but I am no girly-girl, and the moment a newer male friend gets an 'idea" and starts to flirt with me, he gets the message REAL fast that I'm not interested. It's not the way I operate. If I am interested, he'll know it; no playing games.

 

Now, I believe you that you're not interested in more from this guy. However, alphamale has one point: men construe women making them food as them wanting "something more". In fact, the few times I had cooked for friends who didn't know better, suddenly they had gotten "ideas". I don't know what it is; but I do know when I DO like a guy I tend to literally lavish him with food (homemade or otherwise). Probably because most young males in America don't take care of themselves and eat junk all day, and if I like them I want to take care of them. Or something.

 

Anyway, my point is, homemade food isn't bad, but if the guy likes you he may get ideas. I would still make it clear that that is what you expect from him; because regardless, other than my best friend, the guys that want to be around me the most want something more, whereas the ones strictly interested in friendship are more casual about our friendship. I've had so many cross-sex friendships in my life that I've been able to very easily see the difference; you will be able to soon, too.

 

For the record, I do prefer male friends to female. In the end, they're more loyal, and more fun. I've not had good experiences with female friends, because in the end I relate more to people by doing things with them (and talking too, but I see talking as simple relating and not FUN. I need both.) Etc etc.. I've talked too long. Good luck.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by swedeace

AlphaMale: Reading past threads, it really sounds like you have a lot of hidden anger and over-analyze female's friendships with males.

 

I still stand by my comments...and you having such an emotional reaction to my comments leads me to believe that I may be correct to some extent.

 

Women generally don't waste time on a man unless there is some potential there, this is my observation.

[johan]

You're both right.

 

Based on Swede's comments and her other post, she seems like she comes on way too strong. She hasn't even mentioned anything about the guy, almost like she doesn't even know him. And she's here plotting a major friendship with him. That's my impression anyway. He doesn't even know she has him included as such a big part of her future. He'll pick up on the fact that he's her "target" and it's going to make him uncomfortable. Friendships happen with very little prodding by either person, or they don't happen at all. It's not like buying a dog.

[rforce]

Originally posted by alphamale

she is interested in him as more than a friend. And QUANKANNE...most men know about the food trick. Most of the time when a woman brings a guy HOMEMADE food she wants more than a friendship.

 

Most of the time being a key thing. I recently made Skittle cookies for my best male friend. Neither of us is in a relationship, and we have both said neither is looking for a relationship. It was sort of an inside joke we had been talking about for awhile, so I gave him that for Christmas, even though they didn't turn out. (They were a disaster! But it's the thought that counts.)