gf cheated with best friend, I'm I a loser?

[Dan.90]

I can't think of anything that was every missing in our relationship. I never mistreated her nor cheat but when I asked why that day, she kept saying ''I don't know, I'm sorry''. She had no reason at all.

 

Once in a while I go to parties and no matter how drunk I was, I still knew not to cheat while in a relationship. I had the chance once when a random girl at a party I was having with my friends later on took off her shirt. I got up and left quickly. I don't cheat no matter what.

 

However, last month I find out my gf cheated on with my childhood friend Roy. So both of them are really out of my life. I just can't believe and can't figure out what I did wrong. If I had self-control and would never have cheated even if 10 women try throwing themselves at me, why did she cheat??? I also learned she brought him in my house, in my bed while I was working. Devastated still.:( We used to talk about future plans. I thought she was the one.

 

Ok maybe I wasn't perfect (no one is) but I would still inform her if I was going out with friends, take her on dates many times, be intimate with whenever I could, participate in family reunions, etc.

[d0nnivain]

No you are not a loser. Nobody can tell you why your EX & former friend betrayed you. It was probably just "one of those things" where 2 weak willed people spent too much time together & things got out of control but neither of them had enough character to stop it. You are better off without them both.

[Dan.90]

Feels sad. One day (and not so long ago) we were both talking about our plans for the future and settling down after finishing college and went over looking at our pictures in the album when we first met, remembering the places and now this. It's like everything shattered before my eyes. Everything I thought about with her.

[d0nnivain]

It's called grief. You lost two relationships that were important to you.

[Dan.90]

Yes, I'm still grieving and I think slightly more With Roy because this was not expected at all. We had been friends since 4th grade. Now my parents are wondering why we're not talking anymore and I'm still not ready to tell them what he did to me, to my relationship, my future and our friendship.

[Chi townD]

How did you find out? And what's going on now?

[Dan.90]

How did you find out? And what's going on now?

She was acting a bit distant and suddenly we would have sex less. This was not her usual self so I figured out something must be going on. I checked over her cell phone while she was taking a long bath and what do I know, messages from Roy about how he had a great time and asking when to meet again. My heart sank at this point so I also go through her facebook and there it was too, intimate messages between her and Roy. They talked about doing it in my house.

 

I'm single now and still devastated. Both of them are out of my life. Both of them have been trying to call me, apologizing. My ex gf I want nothing to do with her. With Roy, I don't know if I can forgive him.

[Chi townD]

You're friend, Roy, is no better than her. He did you wrong. He KNEW he was doing you wrong, but he did it anyway. That's not a friend.

 

Stay NC on both of them and move on with your life. Start to make positive changes.

[Dan.90]

Thank Chi townD, I'll be moving on and forget about them even though it's very hard. Roy was like a brother to me, the one I would confide in (I have other friends but he was my only best friend) whenever I had problems and who once helped me overcome my shyness with women long ago.

[harrybrown]

Tell your parents and others about what they did. Exposing an affair takes the secret rush out of the affair.

 

It is good that you are not married to her. Are they together now?

 

Find someone that will not cheat on you. Life is tough enough and short to have to put up with this mess.

 

Get them both out of your life.

 

You could post them both on cheaterville.

[Darren Steez]

Nah dude, I'd forgot about it. The strongest thing a man can do is get out of the situation and cut the people that hurt him out of his life. That not what losers do, that's what strong and proud men who take no BS do.

 

You move on with your life, if two people can find happiness by screwing the person closest two them then they are not people you want in your life.

 

Unbelievably being in the right always holds higher ground..even though it hurts.

I wouldn't forgive either of them. So well done!

[madjac74]

Don't date in trailer parks

[aliveagain]

Don't look back, neither one are worth a second chance. They respected you enough to trash the sanctity of your own home, only people that have little to no respect for you would disrespect you that way. Stay No Contact you deserve better. Out them to everyone'

[Dan.90]

Don't date in trailer parks

I didn't. She was from my campus and I really thought we had a lot in common such as being ambitious, having a good GPA, well-rounded parents and like kids.

 

Now I'm starting to feel like I can't trust anyone, now even a friend. Will this feeling go away one day?

[Dan.90]

Tell your parents and others about what they did. Exposing an affair takes the secret rush out of the affair.

It's hard when they are friends with his parents too.

It is good that you are not married to her. Are they together now?

Well according to him as he's been trying to apologized in his messages they haven't spoken to each other right after I found out about cheating.

Find someone that will not cheat on you. Life is tough enough and short to have to put up with this mess.

I will but it's going to take time. This isn't just a relationship I got cheated on but by practically a family member.

Get them both out of your life.

Yes, they aren't worth my time. Though, some days I do feel like forgiving Roy. I think I can if more time passed by but it won't ever be the same again. My ex gf is the one I feel slightly more disgusted with.

You could post them both on cheaterville.

I could but I'm not going to do that. Edited November 16, 2013 by Dan.90

[d0nnivain]

Now I'm starting to feel like I can't trust anyone, now even a friend. Will this feeling go away one day?

 

Yes, the feeling will go away over time. It will probably be harder in the future for you to trust & it won't come easy. The trust will have to be earned. The tough thing will be to not punish other friends & future GFs for the mistakes made by these 2.

 

I agree with the poster who told you that it is OK to respond truthfully when somebody inquires about why they are both gone from you life.

[aliveagain]

You dogged a bullet friend, the best predictor of your future with her is to look at your history together. The infidelity didn't happen because they each held a gun to their heads, no one forced them to cheat, it happened because of their lack of respect for your boundaries. You owe them about as much respect as they showed you, expose them, there has to be a consequence for their actions. Send her the bed sheets and the mattress.

[Spectre]

You aren't the loser man. I know just having someone tell you that won't make it any truer to you, but think about it in another way: if you are indeed a loser for doing nothing wrong, just consider what kind of person that makes your gf for acting the way she did.

[regine_phalange]

No dear, you are not a loser. They are losers. Shame on them!

[road]

It's hard when they are friends with his parents too.

 

 

Expose the affair to your and Roy's parents.

 

Well according to him as he's been trying to apologized in his messages they haven't spoken to each other right after I found out about cheating.

 

 

So what has he been doing have to do with the price of gas?

 

Nothing. And nothing to do with you.

 

You need to go NC with the GF and Roy for life. People that cheat on you once are odds on favorite to cheat on you again. Just ask all the BH's here that had a GF that cheated on them. They still married her only to have her cheat again after they were married.

 

I will but it's going to take time. This isn't just a relationship I got cheated on but by practically a family member.

 

 

 

You were cheated on by two "family" members. To heal is why you need NC from those two cheaters for life.

 

Yes, they aren't worth my time. Though, some days I do feel like forgiving Roy. I think I can if more time passed by but it won't ever be the same again. My ex gf is the one I feel slightly more disgusted with.

I could but I'm not going to do that.

 

 

Forgive Roy?

 

You need a check from the neck up.

 

You do not have to hate anyone. Just let them fade out of your memory. Keeping the hate alive keeps one from forgetting and healing. Dwelling just keeps the pain alive.

 

Last thing to focus on is that dating is the job interview for marriage. She failed move on to the next interviewee.

[Kate9292]

I can't think of anything that was every missing in our relationship. I never mistreated her nor cheat but when I asked why that day, she kept saying ''I don't know, I'm sorry''. She had no reason at all.

 

Once in a while I go to parties and no matter how drunk I was, I still knew not to cheat while in a relationship. I had the chance once when a random girl at a party I was having with my friends later on took off her shirt. I got up and left quickly. I don't cheat no matter what.

 

However, last month I find out my gf cheated on with my childhood friend Roy. So both of them are really out of my life. I just can't believe and can't figure out what I did wrong. If I had self-control and would never have cheated even if 10 women try throwing themselves at me, why did she cheat??? I also learned she brought him in my house, in my bed while I was working. Devastated still.:( We used to talk about future plans. I thought she was the one.

 

Ok maybe I wasn't perfect (no one is) but I would still inform her if I was going out with friends, take her on dates many times, be intimate with whenever I could, participate in family reunions, etc.

 

I dunno.

 

Maybe she was missing something but could never work herself up to tell you?

 

Maybe you two got kind of complacent?

 

Maybe you really did everything right and it was all her? Like you were her first guy and she wanted to see what it's like with someone else?

[Spectre]

I dunno.

 

Maybe she was missing something but could never work herself up to tell you?

 

Maybe you two got kind of complacent?

 

Maybe you really did everything right and it was all her? Like you were her first guy and she wanted to see what it's like with someone else?

 

Umm, if she was feeling any of these things then you dump the guy before you spread your legs. I am a guy so I can't discuss how easy it is to not do that, but I can tell you how gosh darn easy it is for me to keep my damn pants on long enough to tell someone "hey this is over" since no, sex is never so overwhelmingly impossible to resist that it just can't wait until you have done the right thing. It is that simple, if these things are difficult and she is too much of a coward to tell him how she feels she doesn't belong in relationships anyways since she clearly doesn't know how to handle them. She lacks the courage for honestly, but has the courage to bang his best friend? Weird, funny how sex, cheating, and lies are somehow always easier then manning up. Or in this case, womaning up.

 

Only someone who is insane would say "obviously the solution to not hurting this guys feelings by avoiding dumping him or telling him how I feel is to SEX UP THEIR BEST FRIEND because that certainly is not something that would even be more hurtful, because we live in bizarro world where up is down and it rains dry blasts of heat instead of water.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Spectre

[Kate9292]

Yes, she should have dumped the guy. Or speak to him earlier to see if it can be worked out. It's not what she did though, and I don't think she's even there to listen to that advice, so what's the point of saying that?

 

I'm just trying to give possible explanations why it happened.

[Leaving]

Hang in their I have been in your shoes and is currently divorcing my wife for sleeping with my bestfriend who I had know for over 20yrs it has been a long and painful road but as of today I have never felt better living life everyday as it comes

 

What your bestfriend did was one of the lowest thing a person can do to a friend you need to let him go fight the urge to forgive him because that trust you had as friends are gone and you shouldn't have people in your life you don't trust.

 

Tell your parents they need to know what your low life friend did.

 

 

Take time for yourself get better and please don't do anything crazy their not worth it you'll move on and find a girl that loves you for who our

[Space Ritual]

Walk away from both of them, delete them from your life and let them have each other. They will have a relationship built on betraying someone they were supposed to love and respect. One way or another, eventually both of them will be paid in their own coin.

 

The best course of action is to not wonder why or have any contact with either of them if possible....cheaters are selfish and It was not about you, or anything you did wrong. It was about them and their selfishness.