Mental Illness and Blame

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

To start, I have BPD, AvPD, and ADD. Before I knew this, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I blamed everyone else for my troubles.

 

As someone with BPD, I was quick to assign blame to my parents. They had a lenient parenting style that I used to assume created what I am. I had no other explanation. I was never abused, molested, neglected, or treated poorly in any way by an adult. I lived a very sheltered life with a supportive family.

 

I've been to psychologists who basically called me a liar because I would not admit to sexual/physical/verbal abuse. They believed that BPD was the result of abuse and would not hear otherwise.

 

It was really offensive.

 

If I had been abused, I would blame all my problems on that and no one would question it because that is the conventional wisdom.

 

Once someone admits to being abused, it seems the searching for deeper causes stops in its tracks. It is just accepted as the cause and treated from there.

 

Genetic factors are sometimes ignored because the idea just hasn't seem to have caught on in regular mental health practice.

 

Mental health professionals have learned from the statistics and textbooks and professors, but sometimes that is all they go on. I don't want a psychologist who is that close-minded about psychology.

 

It wasn't until I learned not to blame my parents, or anyone else that I was able to accept who I was and only THEN did I start the healing process.

 

I've come a long way, still so far to go, and I stopped blaming people a long time ago.

 

 

Have you assigned blame for your condition on something, later to realize you were wrong?

 

Do you rationalize to make yourself fit into a specific definition of your illness?

[AnyaNova]

On the one hand, I don't want to discount your experience of your life.

 

On the other hand, one thing I have found from my reading is that people with AvPD tend to deny or vastly minimize the effects of abusive relationships, especially with caregivers. Some are so capable of doing so, that they don't remember much of their early childhood at all.

 

And I could see that figuring in to their assessment. Also, genetics does seem to play a very high role, so I don't want to discount the role of genetics either, since there seem to be some genes important in the structures of the brain, I guess that process emotion? (read this second hand, so I am not sure of the details).

 

Also, right now, BPD is rapidly becoming renamed and rethought of as complex PTSD, and is generally thought to be a result of particularly bad or prolonged abuse. For awhile, they thought I might have this because of my rapidly shifting mood swings (after they figured out that I wasn't bipolar and that medicine was really bad for me, but those turned out to have a lot more to do with the state of my nutrient absorption, and a lot less to do with my personality). Though my PTSD is a lot better than it was, before last spring when my friend died, I would say that it didn't affect me at all, but now it seems to be back somewhat.

 

I think it is not about seeking to blame or pass the buck as it is about trying to re-frame the fundamental way the person views his or her very self. Because most of us believe that we are intrinsically flawed or bad somehow. That there is just something wrong with us. The very condition we have (and I think this goes for any of the personality disorders) renders us most likely to blame ourselves for our condition and to beat ourselves up for not being able to overcome it ourselves.

 

I think it is about fundamentally communicating that our disorder could very well be part of a natural reaction to a difficult environment.

 

Not that this absolves us of our responsibility to do the best we can to work on our overcome our disorders. It certainly does not.

 

But to remove one possible wrong source of self-blame and self-hatred.

[Chu]

Have you assigned blame for your condition on something, later to realize you were wrong?

 

I was told from an early age that I was "depressed" and that was that. I was happy to accept that there was just something wrong in my head and that it wasn't my fault and that I was just "sick" in some way. It justified me and empowered me to feel like it was out of my control or that it didn't have a 'cause'. I assigned blame to my physical body for being broken.

 

Later in life after using the "I'm just broken in the head" to avoid pain for long enough, Life became more and more intolerable and I shifted all the blame to others (for being hard to live with) or myself (for being broken).

 

I finally started to talk about the emotional and physical abuse that I had gone through as a child after a breaking point occurred. Before then I had forgotten a lot or figured "Oh, everyone has strict parents" and I realized that being a victim was one of my worse fears. Which is why being "depressed" was easier then "having been abused" to me.

 

Do you rationalize to make yourself fit into a specific definition of your illness?

I definitely did, I was "depressed" after all. It allowed me to have a lower expectation for myself out of life and underachievement was my safety net to truly believing "I can't do it" and that "I am strong, just broken".

 

I've been through a lot of therapy and bounced around with multiple diagnoses over 10 years. I only started to recover when I admitted to the prolonged childhood abuse. It isn't about blame, but about cause. If I can understand where my beliefs about life originate from I can be more compassionate to myself (instead of beating myself up over it) with my strange behaviors when I react on those beliefs. Over time, the goal is to change the beliefs themselves knowing they are not serving me well in life.

 

Of course, admitting to the abuse made me go through a very angry stage where I was furious with those who had caused the pain. I also felt very ashamed of tossing blame for my life struggles onto others and playing the "woe is me" game with talking about the abuse. I felt like I was "playing the victim" and it held me back a lot in therapy because I would flip back and forth from the lion to the gazelle personality (strong and empowering (denying), to vulnerable and hurt).

 

I truely didn't want to be the one who people pity and look down on as a "weak" individual, or a "blaming" individual. I still don't want to be that person.

 

In my case, it wasn't genetic it was learned. But I think that feeling it was genetic sounded way better to me at one point in my life. If I had a psychiatrist call me on this when I first started, it wouldn't have worked. I had my walls up strong and I believed what I wanted to believe because it was serving a purpose to me to believe it (avoiding victimization and shame).

 

Everyone is different, and any medication being administered for mental illness also adds complications (welbutrin gave me panic attacks, but I didn't know it because I was on it for 3 years so I assumed I had panic problems on top of everything else.).

 

Living with a mental illness is difficult and requires a lot of compassion for yourself. My therapists always tell me "You know yourself better then anyone knows you.".

[carhill]

OP, it's entirely possible your condition is genetic and the actions or inactions of your primary caregivers during socialization can have no marked effect on the psychological processes. IOW, you can grow up in the 'perfect family' and still be disordered. It happens.

 

My advice would be to avail yourself of psychological professionals who allow for components other than childhood trauma in their diagnosis process.

 

Based upon how you've characterized psychological professionals in your OP, it appears you have largely self-diagnosed. If so, I'd recommend getting confirmation from a team of professionals, including medical doctors such as neurologists. It's entirely possible that your condition is organic and treatable.

 

Good luck!

[KathyM]

Psychologists are not relying solely on textbooks and professors. They also read about studies done using a study population that actually has the disorder. Some even conduct studies and do their own research, as well as learning about the outcomes of the research of many others in the field. Psychologists also come into contact with clients who exhibit symptoms of a particular disorder, and they get the background information for those clients, so they get their information first hand from the field as well. Psychologists/therapists also go through a lengthy internship as well, where they are treating patients and learning about diagnosis and treatment, background history, and research the disorder in order to treat it effectively. I did a comprehensive literature review of many studies on the topic of BPD. All the studies show that a history of sexual or physical abuse as a child was present in the vast majority of people who had developed BPD. That is not to say that everyone who develops BPD has had a history of childhood abuse. But the vast majority has. That is what the studies show. That is what I have seen first hand from the clients at our client who have BPD. A childhood history of abuse. Obviously, it is not always the case. You are one of those in the minority who have not had abuse in your history. BPD is also genetic. Some people are genetically predisposed to developing BPD. Current theories on the cause of BPD is that a combination of genetic predisposition and abuse as a child is the main contributor to developing BPD. Some who are genetically predisposed develop the disorder without a history of abuse. The vast majority have experienced abuse as a child. That is what the studies show.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I should say that I'm an outside-the-box thinker... I think 100% of the time. It has caused contention between me and many people.

 

I think it's pretty well known what the studies show. It's not something I am ignoring. The problem I see with studies is that they are based on correlation. While it appears to be most likely in a logical way, there's also the possibility that some findings are being misinterpreted. Entirely possible.

 

I know my ideas are often controversial, but that's how things advance. Someone questioning conventional wisdom, and others having the courage to question it as well.

 

Me being in the minority of BPD patients gives me an opportunity to look at it in a way that most people don't get. I don't have to accept that BPD is largely thought to be caused by childhood abuse because I have first hand seen that it is not always the case. That opens the door to ask other questions and I'm a curious person.

 

As long as no one feels disrespected by anything I've said, I think this is a good discussion. I would like to hear from anyone else who feels different from the majority.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

OP, it's entirely possible your condition is genetic and the actions or inactions of your primary caregivers during socialization can have no marked effect on the psychological processes. IOW, you can grow up in the 'perfect family' and still be disordered. It happens.

 

My advice would be to avail yourself of psychological professionals who allow for components other than childhood trauma in their diagnosis process.

 

Based upon how you've characterized psychological professionals in your OP, it appears you have largely self-diagnosed. If so, I'd recommend getting confirmation from a team of professionals, including medical doctors such as neurologists. It's entirely possible that your condition is organic and treatable.

 

Good luck!

 

Do you mean like a possible brain defect? That's interesting. It may have crossed my mind but haven't given it much thought.

 

I can see the possibility that being born with something not right in the brain could cause the conditions to exist that also cause BPD in a normal, but abused brain.

 

Interesting.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I have wondered if BPD sufferers who were abused as children would have developed BPD had the abuse not occurred. I wonder what the percentage is of people who were abused and not developed BPD. It's really difficult to say that one absolutely caused the other.

 

Since there is no concrete proof either way, one can ask if that person would have had BPD anyway. The abuse on top of that would have greatly compounded the problem.

 

I think it is that compounding, plus the BPDs natural propensity for needing something to blame, that gives rise to these, what I think are valid, questions.

 

Anyone have thoughts on the above?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

While it's fresh on my mind, I'd like to share my chicken and egg theory regarding psychopathy.

 

I'm a believer that psychopaths are born with the emotional part of the brain not functioning. I think it is passed down as a genetic trait. I've heard it dubbed "The Warrior Gene".

 

I also never underestimate the capabilities of a psychopath. They are capable of achieving goals that don't seem realistic to the normal person. Just look at how many people were killed by Hitler or Saddam Hussein, two notorious psychopaths.

 

The intelligent ones can obtain immense power by playing the game right.

 

With this in mind, also recognize that every psychopath (at least in America) knows that if they ever need to garner sympathy, they could claim child abuse. They know that it is widely accepted that people with problems were mistreated as children and they have no problem using ANY belief to their advantage.

 

So the theory pretty much is:

Hypothetically,

A psychopath has a child and the child has the same genetic psychopath trait. No matter what upbringing.

 

Let's say the psychopath parent abuses the psychopath child. The psychopath child grows up being able to take out his vengeance on the rest of the world because he has no fear, empathy, or remorse capability. This gets interpreted as a cycle, where abuse causes anti-social personality disorder, instead of anti-social personality disorder allowing a parent to be capable of abusing their child.

 

Let's say the parent does not abuse the child. The child still grows up being a psychopath. Lets also say the psychopath child is not vengeful and gets an education and high paying job. Then, through calculated manipulations, legal or otherwise, gets power and money. I think this could also be a major factor in white-collar crime.

 

 

If any of this is possible, and I think it is, then it opens the door to more questions...

If anti-social personality disorder, or sociopathy/psychopathy, isn't caused by childhood trauma, then what other disorders might also not be caused by childhood trauma?

 

I can't help but think that sometimes, people with mental disorders who were abused as children were going to have some type of mental disorder regardless. I think this would make it extremely difficult to truly say what caused what.

 

Just my theory. It only exists in my head and on this forum right now so don't knock me too hard for it.