nyura Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Hi, I just wanted to share something that has been going on for a while between me and my b/f. Something that concerns my weight. I want to know if people think either I'm right or wrong in being upset. My b/f often makes remarks about people's weight, his weight, my weight. He tells me every time he thinks he lost weight, or someone gained weight, you get the point. Since we started going out (3 month), I've been going through some issues and trying to recover from binge eating disorder. He didn't know about it. During the process I gained quite few pounds. I mean you could see it a little bit, everyone in my family noticed it. But I'm trying to accept myself the way I am so that I could totally recover from this eating disorder. Every time he sais something about me gaining weight I try to let it go and accept it. But today I just became so mad!!! After having sex (sorry for details but it makes all the difference) he started telling me how I gained some weight. He was joking around, and I was trying to joke about it too. But when at one point he looked at me standing there and started laughing. I asked him what he was laughing about. He said: "Your thighs", I said "what about them?", he laughed and sarcastically said "they are very slender" I mean I'm not obese, I'm 5.5 weighing 135 lbs. !!!!!! I stormed out of the room, and when I came back I just told him to go home (we were at my house). I am very mad and upset. Do you think I'm over reacting? How can I be confident in myself around him after that? I don't want to seem insecure, and I don't want him to know about my eating problems. I don't know what to tell him in order for him to understand that what he is doing is wrong. Please, I really need you comments Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 YOu dont need to put up with that. There is no reason for him to laugh at you, and treat you that way. No, youre not overreacting, and if I were you, I would ditch this turd before it gets more involved than three months. You need to find someone who will nott pick out all your fualts, especiually when weight is such a touchy issue for many. Besides, at 5'5, and 135, that seems pretty damn good to me, unles you carry your weight differently. Like me, if I get BELOW , I get told Im too skinny and need to eat(no kidding, I can use Cartmen from southpark, IM not fat, Im big-boned). But dont put up with it. Its just a form of abuse. Its one thing to joke occasionally, and f you get upset, then to stop the joking right htne an threre. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Any chances your bf had some eating disorders himself? It sounds like he's obsessed about other people's weight and his own. Anyway, you are not overreacting. I agree with Niko1999: Its one thing to joke occasionally, and f you get upset, then to stop the joking right htne an threre. I noticed that some people seem to think that by commenting on their own weight(or any of their faults) they automatically gain the right to say anything they like on other people's. Tell your bf that his comments are rude and hurtful (even if he should have hopefully got it when you left the room). Tell him that he can comment on *his own* weight as much as he likes, but if he hasn't something nice to say about yours he'd better keep his mouth closed. Ask him if he's trying to send you a hidden message: if he's not happy with your weight, he might say so instead of acting like a jerk. (btw, your weight sounds okay! You're NOT fat!) Or, ditch the jerk and find a nicer, more sensitive bf. I'd recommend this option, but perhaps your bf is acting that way only because he has problems on his own and he is not realizing how hurtful his comments are. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 OMG! You ONLY weigh 135 at 5'5 you are NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT fat! I agree that he must have body image issues himself. You need to tell him how you feel and explain that he needs to knock it off or it will be over (assuming you feel that strongly and if you do it's for good reason). You asked how you're suppossed to feel confident after the comments he has made, my opinion is that you CAN'T rely on a man for your self esteem. You need to rid the negativity from your life and work on realizing that you are normal in weight, probably a really great person, and if some dumb f*ck can't see that then he doesn't deserve you! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Your BF acted like an ass. You are not over-reacting. It sounds like he must have body-image issues himself. And he's taking them out on everyone else! If you're recovering from an eating disorder you don't need to have to deal with an insensitive prick on top of everything else. I mean, for me at least, I wouldn't be able to be comfortable around that guy anymore. I would be self-conscious. Even though I am one of those people who loves their body - just thinking that they thought that way about me would make me pissed off. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Sounds like he fails to appreciate the fact you are getting naked for him-which is a FATAL MISTAKE. It is my opinion that he should be falling down grateful-and if he's not, MOVE ON. Link to post Share on other sites
nyura Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Thank you very much for your replies. I'm really glad to hear that I didn't over-react. That thing happened last night, and after I told him to go home I just basically closed the door in his face. After thinking for a while I thought that maybe I should let him know why I got so upset, so I text messaged him saying that he just went over the limits with his comments. He replied saying that he is sorry and didn't mean to say anything that could make me that upset. Today, he called me about 7 times and left me voice mail, but I just didn't feel like talking to him so I didn't pick up. Finally I called him back. He was mad at me for not picking up, plus he was saying how he really doesn't know what caused all of this. After me trying to explain to him that I'm done taking his comments about the way I look he just said that I'm wrong and that for him it meant nothing when he said it, and I'm making too much of a big deal over it. We didn't really get anywhere in this conversation, and went on with our day. Right now I don't really know how I should act. Should I let it go? Should I show him that I'm still mad? Should I let him go? Maybe he really doesn't see what he sais as a big deal, I don't know how to change his mind about it. He still feels that he has a right to be mad at me for not picking up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 What he's doing is looking for some error YOU made so he can shirk the blame of being an absolute frigging jerk. He understands VERY well that his comments were boorish. "I called you fat but you didn't answer my calls so we're even" My ass. Do not take his verbally abusive behaviour any more. Do not call him. I honestly think you can do better than someone who hurts your feelings then doesn't even have the balls to acknowledge it OR apologise. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 If he is so self-centered and egotistical that he won't accept any responsibility or show concern for your feelings then ditch him! He doesn't deserve you! It is not up to him to tell you your feelings about ANYTHING are wrong! What a jerk! Your feelings are YOUR feelings and there is nothing wrong with your feelings at all. I'm sorry that you are hurting right now, but after he's out of your life and you move on and find decent boyfriends you will look back and think GOOD RIDDANCE! I'm with the others -- give yourself a Christmas present and ditch the basturd! You don't need a control freak in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
nyura Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 EVERYONE!!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!! What was I thinking even contemplating if maybe I'm wrong??? All of you plus my best friend and my sister said the same thing, that I shouldn't take things like that from anyone. So, after the whole day of thinking, I decided: I'm ditching him!!! He's out of my life! That's it! I'm not fat, I know that, and even if I would be overweight who is he to tell me that there is something wrong with my body after sleeping with me, such an ass! Thank you all so very much!!! I feel so much better! I couldn't even imagine how I would ever let him touch me or see me without my cloths on. He's not worth me! The only thing that was stopping me, was that I have planned a trip with him and few other friends, and we already bought tickets. I felt bad for ruining the trip for everyone, but now I realize that I should think about myself at first, and plus maybe he'll be kind enough to sell me his ticket and I'll still go with my friends and we'll have a blast. I'm giving myself a Christmas present: freedom! Plus I'm standing up for myself!!! Thank you all so much! You gave me strength!!! Happy Christmas, everyone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lostpassword Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I am so happy that you stood up for yourself. You are taking care of you and it is going to make your life only that much better. Congrats. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted December 26, 2004 Share Posted December 26, 2004 I got here late, but these folks gave you good advise and it sounds like you gave yourself a great gift for Christmas. Congratulations. Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 nyura, this is the first time I've read this thread, a little late! Any man that would make comments to his significant other has some serious issues. What he is doing is abuse, plain and simple verbal abuse. Thank God you didn't become too close to this guy. If he is like that now, it would only escalate if you became live-ins or married. And this guy laughed at you? How is belittling someone a funny joke? And then placing the blame on you? Obviously, he is never going to be at fault for anything and when he hurts you, he will honestly believe that you 'asked for it'. He is hurtful and cruel. You are lucky to get out and find someone decent. Good for you! goodnbad Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 nyura, I'm also glad to hear that you ditched him Well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts