confused about dr..continued

[strawberry]

If you are just tuning in, you may want to read the previous letter.

 

Today we talked for a couple hours. I basically gave him an ultimatum. I told him he needs to make a decision whether he wants me to move with him, when he gets his job in 6 mths, or im calling it off.

 

There are so many complications to this relationship. His response was "ok, sarah, are you going to convert and become jewish." (he's jewish) Im not saying i would and not saying i wouldnt. Can you believe we've been dating a year and i still have not met his parents? They refuse to meet me because im not jewish.

 

The way i see it, if we move ill only have to put up with them a couple times a year. We'e having dinner tomorrow night so we are going to discuss it. then im going out with my girlfriends, either way ill celebrate...moving or being single! Im only half serious really, about the celebrating part. What do you guys think?

 

I love him so much, and its very frustrating waiting to see what my future will hold with him, or without him.

[MegaB]

See, you didn't mention about him being Jewish in the previous post. Do you know how important that is in your relationship with him? What did you expect when you asked for advice here without giving the most important info? Girl...you frustrate me.

 

Anyway, it seems like your future with him depends on whether you are going to be Jewish or not. If you love him that much, you must understand where he's coming from. If you don't, well, too bad...that's it then. This is the most straight forward answer I can give you.

[Tony T]

His parents are worthless and you can tell them I said so. Converting to any religion is a personal thing which should be based on one's core belief system and not on the requirement of someone else's family. This is a real family of snobs and bigots if they won't meet you because you're not Jewish. GGGEESSSHHHHHH...I thought stuff like this stopped years ago. Won't humanity ever grow up???

 

I'm also going to let you in on the bottom line. This guy will not marry you if you don't convert to Judaism and if you do so just on his account he will have no respect for your integrity. You've got a Catch 22 here. His parents are actually using the issue as social blackmail. The whole thing stinks.

 

I wouldn't marry anyone who required me to change in some very major way. Take me as I am or to hell with you!!!

 

If you really love the guy and are willing to make this compromise...and it's no sweat off your back...hey, they do this in Hollywood...you can do it in a Jewish Temple.

 

It would be a major positive here if you embraced the Jewish religion and had a strong desire to convert on your own accord...because that was YOUR choice.

 

Your life will be best served if you talk to him about this in detail, take some time to make a decision...and if you decide to go forward, don't rush it. Don't expect his parents to embrace you wholeheartedly just because you convert. (This is a hell of a thing for his parents to put a fellow human through just to give you the honor of meeting them).

 

This is real wacky but I guess worth a bit more of your time.

[Laurynn]

Okay....

 

Does HE care that you're not Jewish or is it simply his parents that care? Is he simply a Mommy's boy who has to go along with his parents or is he a practicing Jew who truly believes it's wrong to be with someone who's not Jewish?

 

Secondly.....if he felt this way/if he KNEW his parents felt this way, why on earth did he ever date a girl who was non-Jewish to begin with? Makes little sense to me. That's like me, a Catholic, dating a Buddist for a year and then telling them it can't go anywhere because he's not Catholic.

 

If he did spend an entire year dating you, knowing full well you're not Jewish, then I'm inclined to believe this really matters most to his parents, and not really so much to him....which causes me to believe that he's got no backbone and can't stand up to his family, can't stand up for love. That being the case, would you really want to be with a man who choses his family over the love of his life? A man like this would make one hell of a husband (not)

 

I dunno. Something doesn't feel right here. If THIS is the issue, why all the excuses about not having time to discuss all this (due to his busy work schedule?)...I mean, what kind of communication do you two have? Has your not being Jewish come up before? Were you aware in the past that this was such a huge issue?

 

Also.....his parents are obviously racist/religious bigots.....they won't even MEET their son's year-long girlfriend because of religious differences? Girlfriend...you would NOT want narrowminded people like this as future inlaws, or grandparents for your children. They'd do their best to run your life, and your wimpy assed hubby would never take a stand.

 

Yes, religious differences are significant....but there are many couples who come from different faiths that marry. Even Jewish people and Catholics!!!!

 

Keep us posted on how your 'talk' goes..but frankly, the guy sounds like he's been stringing you along, or he's got no balls. Then of course there's his family.........

 

Laurynn