How to let go of the bitterness?

[ShannonBanana]

I have such consuming anger at my soon-to-be ex that I am concerned about it's affect on my emotional wellbeing. I am absolutely stuck on it. I don't remember the good about our marriage...I am consumed with the crummy parts and the crummy things he has said and done. I've been through all the phases of grief and this one has been the longest lasting.

 

I guess I would like to put it all behind me and never think about it or him ever again. Does anyone have any tips for letting all this crappy anger go?

[M30USA]

Time and prayer. There's basically no shortcut.

[ShannonBanana]

It's funny you mention that. I did an internet search on it and prayer came up as a very effective way to help with the anger. Even praying for the ex-spouse....I'm going to start trying it.

[M30USA]

It's funny you mention that. I did an internet search on it and prayer came up as a very effective way to help with the anger. Even praying for the ex-spouse....I'm going to start trying it.

 

In think prayer has actually clinically been proven to help these things. Even for atheists.

[trippi1432]

I read thru your threads some to get a basis, the reason why you are angry and can't let go of the bitterness is because he blamed you and you accepted it...amicably. Understand....you took the high road, but it still hurts. And he continued to twist the knife (mine did too by calling me up to tell me he didn't know why he treats her so good when he never treated me that way..and honestly, for 15 years he didn't). It's still pushing guilt off of themselves.

 

There is prayer and there is forgiveness.....do not mix religion with human instinct. To grow IS to learn forgiveness......not forgiveness for him, but forgiveness for yourself, that's where it starts so you can let go of what hurts you. If we wait for God to do it, we would spend an eternity on Earth being unwanted and unloved and hating ourselves for failures our spouses inflicted and for our own failures in living up to the Bible as a Woman.....sorry, I spent a lot of time in Baptist churches.

 

Religion is a stigma...there are 21 major world religions, the End Of the World is going to be about religion, so why does anyone need to find God to forgive? HE made that a part of YOU, and it's the Worlds biggest weakness.

 

BTW - I'm not atheist, I'm agnostic.....good and evil dwell within. We fight our own level of consciences to not forgive ourselves until we UNDERSTAND OURSELVES to know why we punish OURSELVES. Organized religion doesn't want you to have that power.

 

The power to love, hate and forgive comes from within...it starts with loving YOURSELF (not in an egotistical way, in a respectful way) that means you are not a victim because you have survived, it means you have a life and can move beyond because you did the right things and worked to make it a family, a life. People who are fighting their own battles sometimes trample our heart, that's on them when YOU can feel like you did the right things. Guilt traps us....we have to assess it for ourselves and only own what is ours and learn from it.

Edited November 16, 2013 by trippi1432

[Shocked Suzie]

I read thru your threads some to get a basis, the reason why you are angry and can't let go of the bitterness is because he blamed you and you accepted it...amicably. Understand....you took the high road, but it still hurts. And he continued to twist the knife

 

Must say I think this is where I am a bit stuck, you've hit the nail on the head here for me. I have everything all sorted in my head... Except this and forgiveness (for me it's more sadness, not bitterness) My ex blames me for a lot of things and since our split I realize how critical he was of me in our M too...all this and his seemed happiness with his new relationship "some how leaves me feeling Its largely my fault" what's that all about... Confused, probably confused you all too lol

 

 

To grow IS to learn forgiveness......not forgiveness for him, but forgiveness for yourself, that's where it starts so you can let go of what hurts you.

 

 

And forgiveness, I understand why I need to forgive but don't know where to start....

 

It's just this last bit Im finding hard to understand, until I do I feel I can't move forward, so close but feel so far some times

 

 

Sorry for post hijack, but was about to do the same type of thread...

 

SS x

Edited November 16, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[Shocked Suzie]

I have such consuming anger at my soon-to-be ex that I am concerned about it's affect on my emotional wellbeing. I am absolutely stuck on it. I don't remember the good about our marriage...I am consumed with the crummy parts and the crummy things he has said and done. I've been through all the phases of grief and this one has been the longest lasting.

 

I guess I would like to put it all behind me and never think about it or him ever again. Does anyone have any tips for letting all this crappy anger go?

 

 

 

Although I keep slipping and for some reason forgetting the key IS self love...after hitting yet another little low, I woke this morning and just thought to myself better pull my finger out and start to look for a new job, just through doing this...seeking, looking and thinking about MY future, it dawned on me how much better I feel today. Dwelling on losses and the person that we thought we knew just drags you down and brings up unhealthy emotions that spiral out of control...these slips are so frustrating!

 

SS x

[littlejaz]

I am finding that time is helping, but I still get pulled back in because STBXH keeps dragging out the divorce. I find it hard to get over something that I am still going through. I was supposed to be in divorce court today, but once again he got a continuance. This the third time that I have had to get all geared up to fight it out in court only to have it postponed. So once again I have boxed it all back up. Each time brings up all the anger because I have to relive all the lies (and he is still inventing new lies) and each time I think I get over it again and let go of the anger only to have it rear it's ugly head again. But each time it is different. And I noticed this time I feel a little less anger and a little more sorry for him because he is living in such denial and that is going to make for a very sad and bitter life for him.

 

In my case I think I will be ready to let go of it by the time I finally get divorced. I am finding that I don't think about him much anymore until it gets close to a court date. So I do think time and prayer is the answer.

 

Also, I don't for one second believe any of the WS claims that they are so happy in their new relationships. It's new and exciting but they just haven't gotten to all the problems yet. Most of them have not reflected one second on what caused the breakdown of their marriages so the same thing is bound to happen again, either that or their new "love" has such low self esteem they are willing to put up with anything. They claim this so called new found happiness as a way to once again shift the blame onto us rather than admitting they have any responsibility.

[Motto9969]

I now know what a FAKE little boy I married! I am blown away at the Bizarre & Evil Abuse! My husband seriously orgasams over creating huge fights between people. I realize there is serious or acute mental illnesses involved, along with addiction, but the hell, the taunting bullying, the secret alliances with everyone & anyone he can get to sell his stories of deceit, about me, my children, my life stories of my life events that he twisted up to make ugly!!! Currently he is incarcerated. Thank God because he is so violently out of control! I need advice on OFP's. I have the one year one in place but it isn't enough. I am feeling lighter everyday & I do pray to every God out there to help me, all our children, & him to get some SERIOUS HELP! Through all of his outbursts & rages of violence, I know this for sure: at our age of 50, it's time to enjoy life not destroy it. My Diamond in the Rough will never Sparkle like I dreamed it could be.