Life changed...She's acting different around me....but we just friends?

[Geek Down]

I've loved this girl for years. Little background info for ya....It'll be long but please bear with me..

 

We met through her old boyfriend that I worked with...Actually all three of us worked at the same job. I was engaged to be married when we all met. They moved in next door to me and came to my wedding..The four of us spent every waking hour together for about a year. I became good friends with her and we'd hang out when our significant others were at work.

 

We'd have fun hanging out, playing games, watching movies or whatever. There were a few times all four of us got drunk and got naked...Playing striping games or hanging out in a hot tub. I heard afterwards from him that she didn't like it and we didn't do it again....My wife became angry one time when she caught my friend staring at a certain part of my body for too long during one of these times..However, when I talk to my female friend now about it, she says she enjoyed it and would live to do that again with me..

 

I am now about a week away from getting divorced.. My wife left me about two years ago and my friend has been there for me every step of the way..Her boyfriend, that was my friend, cheated on her and she left him..We stayed in contact, but I rarely see him.

 

My female friend and I share a very close relationship. We have alot in common and we talk extensively everytime we get together.. and I do mean everytime..and extensively...

 

She has recently had a life changing event in her life and has leaned on me for emotional support...She confided in me recently about alot of things that she has done..I told her I won't judge her and she'll always be the same person I met years ago..She's changing around me now...

 

I have asked her out before and she has said no.. One time I got REALLY drunk and told her how I felt...We didn't talk for a week..She then told me that she didn't know how to react and that she just has friendly feelings for me..I broke off contact with her, but told her that no matter what, if she needed me, I'd be there for her... She contacted me about a month later and we began talking again...

 

She only dates guys that see her as a piece of azz...They want one thing and thats her body...Now, I will not lie and say that I don't want her for her body... I do..She's wicked beautiful and I love every part of her body..even the ones she tries to hide..But I don't want just sex...I want her for how she makes me feel, for what we do together, for the fact that we CAN just sit and chat for the entire afternoon and not get bored..For the fact that she can't help it but fall asleep on my couch...For the beautiful person she is and how I feel around her..

 

Recently, she's become single again, and is looking to fix herself, because as she puts it "I won't bring a person into this chaos"...I understand that completely...However, we hang out at every possible occation where our schedules line up.. and sometimes even when they don't.. We go out to dinner once in a while..Go to sports games, out for groceries..we cook together...besides all the normal things we usually do..

 

She's beginning to get MORE giggly than usual...and she always did dress great, but now she is asking me about her new make-up or outfits.. She sits in a different place on my couch.. she sits infront of me sometimes and not besides me...When she is besides me, she doesn't move if we brush against each other.. I touch her more than usual and she doesn't say anything or move away..She was making popcorn in the kitchen the other day and I went to get something out of the cabinet to her lower right and I put my hand on her upper butt and she didn't move at all...I've always been hesistant to touch girls, but lately I've been pushing myself to show my interest..

 

She called me up a few weeks ago to hang out and when I picked her up, so was alittle sauced...The entire ride to my house, the conversation was on sex talk and when we got naked together and how much fun she had..She told me about an encounter she had with someone else...she joked about it a few times that night..We drank and watched the final baseball game of the season...She got drunk...stinking drunk..Laughable drunk...She fell asleep with her head on my shoulder..I woke her up to take her home and she just looked at me and smiled...I put my arms around her to guage how drunk she was and if I should just put her in my bed and sleep on the couch...She said she wanted to go home, and got up to go to the bathroom..she stumbled and I grabbed her by the only things my hands could find at the time..her breasts...she laughed and didn't move when she was steady...I let her go and brought her home.. She talked of babies and marriage the entire way home(I have a son from my marriage and she recently sees me differently regarding raising children)...She says she wants an older son and younger daughter..and doesn't care if one is not biologically hers...I've had dreams of me opening the house door for my boy coming off the school bus and a woman comes up behind me with a little baby girl...

 

A few nights later, I brought her home again and we ended up on a swing set near the water at 2am...I so wanted to just once again tell her how much I love her and have for years...I so wanted to just hold her in my arms and press my lips against hers....But I didn't..I'm not going to spoil this again...Three times before I've weakened enough to ask her out and three times I've been rejected...But we always end up talking and hanging out again..

 

We are very close in so many ways... All my friends say we should just screw and get it over with...Some of our mutual friends say the same thing....I can feel our relationship changing, but I'm not sure if I'm just making it up again....I don't want to loose her as a friend..I do love her very much and I know she cares for me very much, if only in a platonic way...She says she won't date a guy my age, but her last boyfriend was only months younger then me...She's 25, I'm 34...She's changed how she sees me in so many ways recently and has told me so..She agrees we make a great team and that we work well together.

 

I'm scared crapless actually...I could be free of my failed marriage in less than a week...I'm currently seeing a younger woman and its just not a longterm match....I want to be with my friend more than anything....She seems to be maturing and getting ready to be able to love someone again....I know she has reservations about feeling like the 'other woman'..and I know my roommate is planning a party IF the divorce goes through...I KNOW I'm going to get drunk and make a dumb move on her...I don't want that first momment to be when we are both drunk..but I know the celebration won't be right if she's not there.

 

I'm really thinking that I just need to let her go and accept that I will be her friend only...I'd rather be just friends then lose her completely...

 

I've also noticed lately that I'm getting alot of female attention from other girls too..I've never been the type to get lots of female attention...Like...ALOT of attention..

 

I dunno...Maybe I'm just frellin cracked...

Edited November 16, 2013 by Geek Down

[sunrise24]

Hi Geek Down.

 

You've been overlooking a very important rule of thumb:

NEVER discuss serious topics when you're drunk. Alcohol has a way of altering your state of being such that you become somebody you're not, along with the countless cases of things you don't "mean" to do. Your story is no exception (I've been around enough drunken behavior to state this with confidence; I've never been drunk).

 

Also, just because you do virtually everything together with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean you're destined to be more than just friends; I'm close friends with a single mom and we spend significant amounts of time alone together, running errands together, even though she has a boyfriend (and these characteristics were there before she started dating again). There is an intuitive, mutual understanding that she and I are just friends, and that's not likely to change.

 

However, if you really want a romantic relationship with this woman, I can see a possibility. First thing's first: start having serious conversations with each other without any alcohol or significant stress involved; this way, you'll get a more authentic idea of where things stand between you two. If you know that you won't be able to control your drinking during this possible upcoming party to celebrate your divorce, ask yourself:

"Is it any more "right" for me to make a dumb move on her than for her to not be there so she can be spared of drunken antics on my part?"

You can't have it all.

 

If you have any further questions, or if I overlooked any important details, feel free to let us know (your post is too long for me to get the ball rolling quote-by-quote).

Edited November 16, 2013 by sunrise24