Geek Down Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Married 5 years..together over 18.....Last two years of marriage we were seperated most of the time..She came back..three months later she was pregenant and didn't know who the father was..She left..I filed.. Baby was born...DNA test says its mine..She has since vanish from the state and I have tracked her down to virginia through real estate records...Her lawyer didn't even know she was gone.. My lawyer has told hers that we are ok with my wife not showing up if her lawyer is authority to sign for her...EVERYTHING is already decided...all she needs to do is sign..Child support is done and all assets are divided.. I can't sleep..I'm scared crapless about my court date...The finality of it all is weighing on me heavily... She has a habit of doing everything in her power to make life hard....I know realistically that I will still be married next week, but I hope she does the right thing and end this.....To make matters worse a very good friend of mine wants to come with me to the court date to support me..BUT if she comes with me, AND my ex wife shows..there WILL be an altercation, as my ex thinks I was cheating with my friend on her for years...Not true..I don't cheat!! WTF can I do to calm myself down...I can't seem to wind down at night now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Porridge Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 I'm a bit confused by what you're saying. So she left, came back to reconcile, then 12 weeks later advises she's pregnant and doesn't know who the Dad is??? So does that mean she was sleeping around whilst apparently committing to you? 12 weeks is quite late to figure out you're pregnant so she must have conceived six weeks or so into your reconciliation?? That aside, she was clearly sleeping around but then you write that you're fearful of her reaction if you bring a female friend. What the h**l? So she can part her legs for whoever she likes, run off to another state, clearly show no respect or consideration for you whatsoever, and you're still scared of how she might react in court?? Why are you so scared and wrapped up in this sorry excuse for a woman? I just don't understand it. Go into court, have conviction, and take control of this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geek Down Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 I'm afraid of my ex being violent with my friend.. My ex has a history of behavior like that. I KNOW myself and I'm trying to avoid any altercation that wont bring about any positive result. She did cheat, lie and steal from me. That doesn't mean I like it, but it doesn't mean she will change and behave correctly in court.. She has already walked out of court once before during the child support hearings.. I'm not wrapped up in her...I'm hopefully days away from being mostly free from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Porridge Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 But surely if she behaves irresponsibly in court then that can only be good for you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 You better hope there isn't an altercation in a court house. That will end badly for both you. If you think she will be a screaming shrew, tell your lawyer & sit by the court officer. If she says or does anything calmly move away from her. The officers should stop anything serious. Fear of the unknown can be upsetting. If you know what the outcome is -- child support etc, -- find a calming mantra that works for you -- It will all be OK -- & repeat it over & over while taking deep breaths. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geek Down Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 But surely if she behaves irresponsibly in court then that can only be good for you? Not really... I have a little boy to think about too.. Link to post Share on other sites
EllyM Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 If I were in your shoes, I'd feel exactly like you're feeling right now (anxious, nervous), and I know there would be NOTHING I could do about it! I went through all that last year when I discovered my husband was having a long-term affair. The only thing I could do was work out like a fiend and run many miles every day trying to work off the nervous energy (& still couldn't eat or sleep). Maybe it will help you to talk about it here. More than likely, unless you hear any news from your STBXW, you're going to feel this way up until your court appearance is over. Keep your friends close right now. That helps. I hope your court appearance goes well for you and doesn't end up getting dragged out even further. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't bring the female friend to the court date - not if it could cause a scene. I assume you don't want people thinking she's more than a friend - - if that's the case, bringing her to court for your divorce hearing isn't going to look good. Maybe plan to meet up with her before and/or after for the moral support. But like I said, that's just what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Tell your friend that your attorney recommends that you attend the hearing alone, because of wives emotional instability. Suggest instead that she meet you at a nice bar near by and have a drink together after the paperwork is signed. There is no sense adding to the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I agree, don't bring your friend to court. She can wait elsewhere in the courthouse, at a close by restaurant, anywhere that the STBX won't see her. No need to add to an already stressful situation. Once you make that decision, hopefully it will lessen your anxiety a little. Outside of that all you can do is keep telling yourself that it is almost over, it will be alright and breathe. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Totally agree to leave friend out of the Courtroom and entire vicinity. Meet her elsewhere like other posters have suggested. Try imaging the shoe on the other foot. It is uncomfortable and stressfull enough as it is, any "support" ain't worth it. Your "support" is her pain (expressed in anger). And visa versa. You have received excellent advice here. Take heed. Get the doctor to call in a few xanex or diazepam for you. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 How did court go?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geek Down Posted November 26, 2013 Author Share Posted November 26, 2013 I am now divorced. She didn't freak or do anything....I went alone and met my friend after it was all over. Her lawyer kept a tight lid on my ex wife.. Now, I fight for visitation. @yas. I get medical marijuana for social anxiety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Glad it went well. Best of luck on the visitation. Link to post Share on other sites
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