How to tell my mom she can't live with me because she flaring up my bipolar symptoms

[erkyjerky]

I was diagnosed Bipolar II :laugh:/:( about 10 years ago and have successfully treated it with Lithium and cognitive behavioral therapy. I’ve weaned down to a low dosage as I’ve learned how to control my triggers, that is until I allowed my aging mother to move in.

 

I’ve tried to explain to her my illness, given her plenty of reading material, however she is constantly tripping my triggers. Everything from bossing me around (I’m 41 with a full time career and a part time career so I have little extra time…or patience), to throwing tantrums, gaslighting, guilt tripping me, becoming reliant on me to do tasks she just did a few months ago at her own house, you name it. She didn’t do any of this before, I had no idea living with her would be a nightmare! We got along just fine the past 20 years for the most part living separately, a couple of spats occurred after my father passed but nothing notable.

 

I can’t keep living with her as I’m getting sicker. I’m experiencing mixed episodes of mania and depression, can’t sleep, missing work, missing out on my hobbies. I’m beginning to resent her immensely and am afraid that if we go on much longer that we will stop talking mostly. My sister and her don’t talk anymore after living together and I’m beginning to see why.

 

How do I tell her that we need to stop living together? I know she will flip out and I’m prepared to deal with that, but I just want the best way to come across as to cause the least amount of drama and anger in her.

[d0nnivain]

You just tell her this is not working for you. I'd have alternate housing suggestions available.

[HokeyReligions]

You are in a tough situation. Have you discussed this with your therapist?

 

The only thing I fan think of is to find her alternative housing - be it nursing home or retirement center or assisted living - contact them decide what she can afford and take her to two or three. Whichever she likes best start the process. Stand firm that she cannot live with you and give her a short deadline to move. Her only choice should be which facility to choose. If she causes problems see an attorney about getting durable power of attorney. Then you make the decision for her. Is there someone who can help you thru this? Bipolar is a scary arse disease. It sounds like she may be bipolar too. My mom was and so is my sister. My brother and I escaped the disease ourselves but we know what it can do to families.

 

I wish you well. Please take care of yourself.

[UpwardForward]

OP, May I ask how old is your mother, and does she have the finances to live on her own?

[Mittens]

I'm also bipolar, and made the mistake of living with my mother for a year after I divorced my first husband, when I was 25.

 

It was the year of hell...my mother won't even acknowledge that I'm bipolar, she sees me as seeing a psychiatrist/counsellor as something to be ashamed of - when I came back from my first session with one, all she was concerned about was if I had talked 'bad' about her...her constant interference, constant bitterness about my father (they had divorced 2 years previously) actually drove me to a severe nervous breakdown, I felt suicidal.

 

I flew 18000 miles to the other side of the world to get away from her. I'm still living that distance away, I'd rather die than have to live with her again.

 

You may need to be blunt, just tell her the truth, that for the sake of your mental health you need to be on your own. If she won't leave, than do it yourself, if you are able to.