i gotta problem...

[MaGz]

see every time i post here i have this majot problem...but i dont really...i was just wondering how to make it clear to my man i want him to be mor eintimate and not just phisical...but i want him to earn what he gets instead of just sex...i mean the sex is good...but it feels like thats all it is..i want it to me sensual...it feels like its convient instead of enjoyment or emotional...and i want him to see that ima romantic kinda girl and hes gotta earn his right to be happy...i mean were both happy being together...and all but i want is to be romanced...not just lets have sex and then fall asleep...i want him to like be passionate about it..like the first time he and i did it...and only the first time...but how d i tell him that???

[Tony T]

You tell him with your vocal cords. That's what effective communication is all about. You have to communicate your needs.

 

You use the word "earn" twice in your post and I have a lot of trouble with that. It's like you're wanting to require your guy to do a bunch of tricks in order to obtain sex from you. That's not a good attitude and, if that is your attitude, it's no wonder you are unfulfilled. People don't earn sex. It is a mutual sharing of intimacy by two people who desire each other. I'm just going to assume you didn't mean it that way...and I hope you'll not use "earn" again in this context.

 

Tell him right out that you really enjoyed the first time you made love, yeah...let's don't call it sex either...making love sounds much more romantic. Let him know that a big part of making love is all the wonderful things that leads up to it. Tell him the kinds of things you like. And tell him that this slam, bam, thank you, mam kind of love is not something that will endear him to you for all time.

 

Set the tone early on. If you let somebody continue a behavior without telling them, very kindly and with great tact and love, that you're wanting something different, then it's very much your fault and not there's. When you start foreplay, do some directing. Take charge now and then and show him what you want...put his hands where you want them...show him to hand motions you like. Grab his head gently and move hit so his lips are in the vacinity of what you would like them...and tell you to kiss or lick or whatever.

 

Now, there may be times when a quickie is in order. Maybe he'd like to slip in some quick lovemaking after he shaves in the morning and before he darts out the door. That sort of impulsive kind of thing, without all the goodies leading up to it, can be kind of fun too once in a while.

 

But what you are seeking is a very legitimate and normal thing...and a complaint a lot of women have. Men can be ready for lovemaking in a moment's notice. All they have to do is look at a nice body or think a sexy thought and they're ready to go. That's pretty much a standard. Women, on the other hand...most of them, take a while to get charged up for the occasion. Most women love foreplay. The more the better. Ideally, this foreplay should start early in the day...and work itself up into the final lovemaking in the evening. But men do have other things on their mind. They are more the "let's get to the bottom line" type.

 

You may have to remind him about this once in a while but don't worry. Now, you have to do your part too...but being sexy...being sexy all day long, when he's around. Drive him nuts. Drive him to want to be with you and make you happy in every way during lovemaking. Make it different and enjoyable everytime. If you want to use the word "earn" here, I think you've got to "earn" what you want to. Let's face it, if we guys are with the same lady forever and she stop's acting sexy, it's really hard for us to get all worked up about that. That's what makes men cheat. Women at work or elsewhere get them worked up by their flirtations and sexiness. Give that to him at home.

 

And don't say "I gotta problem" anymore. It's "WE gotta problem" or, better yet, "there is something we need to work out and because we are a loving couple, by George, we're going to do it."

 

I think this can be handled pretty easy...but believe it or not, it may take more work on your part than his. Make sure you create an environment and a sexy attitude that will drive HIM to drive YOU wild in the bedroom.

[MaGz]

thanx thony...i didnt mean it like earn...its just ima really shy person when it comes to phisicalness and when i said it was sex..thats all it was...i understand that quicky everyonce and awhile like in the morninf b4 work, but he needs to understand that i need more then that like a kiss or two while doing it..im not that complictaed..i have pics on my site...ima down to eath kinda girl and he says that more sexy then the girls that put a gallon of make up and perfume and sexy clothes

 

he says dressing up is for spechail ocasions and i agree..i used to be a cheerleader so i know how it is dressng up for everything...ablah...i aint like that no more...i just want to make him see that i need more then a quicky b4 work...its hard with out sceduals but we do have time once and a while.....

 

thanx

You tell him with your vocal cords. That's what effective communication is all about. You have to communicate your needs. You use the word "earn" twice in your post and I have a lot of trouble with that. It's like you're wanting to require your guy to do a bunch of tricks in order to obtain sex from you. That's not a good attitude and, if that is your attitude, it's no wonder you are unfulfilled. People don't earn sex. It is a mutual sharing of intimacy by two people who desire each other. I'm just going to assume you didn't mean it that way...and I hope you'll not use "earn" again in this context. Tell him right out that you really enjoyed the first time you made love, yeah...let's don't call it sex either...making love sounds much more romantic. Let him know that a big part of making love is all the wonderful things that leads up to it. Tell him the kinds of things you like. And tell him that this slam, bam, thank you, mam kind of love is not something that will endear him to you for all time. Set the tone early on. If you let somebody continue a behavior without telling them, very kindly and with great tact and love, that you're wanting something different, then it's very much your fault and not there's. When you start foreplay, do some directing. Take charge now and then and show him what you want...put his hands where you want them...show him to hand motions you like. Grab his head gently and move hit so his lips are in the vacinity of what you would like them...and tell you to kiss or lick or whatever. Now, there may be times when a quickie is in order. Maybe he'd like to slip in some quick lovemaking after he shaves in the morning and before he darts out the door. That sort of impulsive kind of thing, without all the goodies leading up to it, can be kind of fun too once in a while.

 

But what you are seeking is a very legitimate and normal thing...and a complaint a lot of women have. Men can be ready for lovemaking in a moment's notice. All they have to do is look at a nice body or think a sexy thought and they're ready to go. That's pretty much a standard. Women, on the other hand...most of them, take a while to get charged up for the occasion. Most women love foreplay. The more the better. Ideally, this foreplay should start early in the day...and work itself up into the final lovemaking in the evening. But men do have other things on their mind. They are more the "let's get to the bottom line" type. You may have to remind him about this once in a while but don't worry. Now, you have to do your part too...but being sexy...being sexy all day long, when he's around. Drive him nuts. Drive him to want to be with you and make you happy in every way during lovemaking. Make it different and enjoyable everytime. If you want to use the word "earn" here, I think you've got to "earn" what you want to. Let's face it, if we guys are with the same lady forever and she stop's acting sexy, it's really hard for us to get all worked up about that. That's what makes men cheat. Women at work or elsewhere get them worked up by their flirtations and sexiness. Give that to him at home. And don't say "I gotta problem" anymore. It's "WE gotta problem" or, better yet, "there is something we need to work out and because we are a loving couple, by George, we're going to do it." I think this can be handled pretty easy...but believe it or not, it may take more work on your part than his. Make sure you create an environment and a sexy attitude that will drive HIM to drive YOU wild in the bedroom.