regine_phalange Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Hi! About 10 years ago (oh god, how fast the time passes) I used to be a frequent visitor in this music chat room of a friend of mine (in real life). There, I met this guy; let's call him Ben. Ben was a friend of my friend from another city (agh). Well, and I kind of always had a crush on him. We were always very friendly with each other. We have met 3 times, when he came to my area. It was always with other people from the chat room present. Ben also had once a night stand with a good friend of mine from this chat room. After I learned that, well, I kind of wrote him off as a "crush" (my friend didn't know I liked him because I never told her). Also, another person from this chat room who was a very good friend of Ben's liked me but I didnt like him back romantically (Um, yeah. Kind of perplexed teen stuff, like 90210 retro TV series!). The last time I saw him face to face was 5 years ago. We chatted occassionally on MSN messenger after that for a couple of years. But then, life happenned, and I did not log in to MSN that much. He also does not have a facebook account, so we kind of lost online track of each other after November 2011 (my bday again). My birthday, November 2013; I received an e mail from Ben in my old e mail account (I placed an online order by mistake with this mail, and checked if it was dispatched). He was wishing me happy birthday and asking me how I was doing. I was astonished, because the previous day I was thinking of him (after forgetting his existence for two years) because I found a cd he had sent me by mail, a long long time ago. I replied to his e mail, and gave him my mobile number so we can meet when he comes to my town. He said that he comes very rarely (less than once a year), but he'd love to when he is here. Then I had a kind of intuition, and I went to my old dropbox account (it was full 100% with old stuff, so I never opened it). In our mutual folder, I found a November 2012 .txt file written by Ben, wishing me for my birthday, saying he is hoping we speak soon. In 2012 I also forgot his birthday (although I always remember the date because it is very easy). I didnt really talk to him the whole 2012. Now I feel I want to see him, hang out with him so badly. I never had the chance to do that for prolonged periods of time. Agh:( I just want to see him. I dont get it; why does he keep sending me birthday wishes each year? We never get to see each other... I never got the chance to tell him how I used to feel about him. We have never spent time alone, and maybe there is not this prospect. Do you think he sees me as a friend? Sometimes I feel the need to tell him how much I'd like to get to know him better... Even as a friend. He is one of the people I feel truly connected with, and an unconditional liking. Don't know what to do. My feelings for this person kind of came back again, after all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
sunrise24 Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) Hi regine_phalange. Happy belated birthday to you. Since you two apparently always felt a strong connection with each other despite the lack of face-to-face time, the birthday wishes suggest that Ben has always kept you in his thoughts and cared about you; he wishes he could get to know you more deeply. Your strong desire to see him again suggests that the feeling is mutual; he sees you as a friend to say the least. What I'm thinking is: you two can arrange a time & place to meet up, engaging in activities you both enjoy, or simply use the time to catch up with each other and gauge the chemistry (the key here, paradoxically, is to be present and go with the flow). After you two have reestablished face-to-face contact, you can report back on how it goes and we can go from there (the question about whether or not you two can possibly be more than friends can be addressed later). How does that sound? Edited November 16, 2013 by sunrise24 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regine_phalange Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 Hi regine_phalange. Happy belated birthday to you. Since you two apparently always felt a strong connection with each other despite the lack of face-to-face time, the birthday wishes suggest that Ben has always kept you in his thoughts and cared about you; he wishes he could get to know you more deeply. Your strong desire to see him again suggests that the feeling is mutual; he sees you as a friend to say the least. What I'm thinking is: you two can arrange a time & place to meet up, engaging in activities you both enjoy, or simply use the time to catch up with each other and gauge the chemistry (the key here, paradoxically, is to be present and go with the flow). After you two have reestablished face-to-face contact, you can report back on how it goes and we can go from there (the question about whether or not you two can possibly be more than friends can be addressed later). How does that sound? Dear sunrise, thank you for your reply and your wish, I wish the best for you as well! Ah, I so hope we would be able to spend time together, even as mere friends. Unfortunately, he lives 5 hours away from me (by bus). Also, he told me he would be very glad to see me, but he hardly ever comes to my city (his dad lives here) and I never go to his (it would be awkward to go just for him, we haven't even hang out alone, the two of us, ever *sigh*). I am thinking of throwing the ball in his court, telling him that we should definitely meet again, since he is my absolutely favorite person I ever met online. After that I will let things flow, hope he gets the hint... :| I'm not in a hurry, I'm in a period that I need to cool down after big ups and downs in my personal life. Do you really think he has a soft spot for me? Could it be that he is the kind of person to remember birthdays and stuff and do that from habit? Link to post Share on other sites
sunrise24 Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 ...he lives 5 hours away from me (by bus).Do either of you have a car? ...he told me he would be very glad to see me, but he hardly ever comes to my city (his dad lives here)...Does the nature of his relationship with his dad have anything to do with this by any chance? ...I never go to his (it would be awkward to go just for him, we haven't even hang out alone, the two of us, ever...How badly do you want to see him? So far, I don't see any indication that Ben has any reservations about you two spending time together one-on-one. Nervousness is natural; the idea isn't to eliminate it, but to pay attention to the source & harness it (this applies to emotions in general). I am thinking of throwing the ball in his court, telling him that we should definitely meet again, since he is my absolutely favorite person I ever met online.This approach also sounds great; it sounds like he would definitely follow through. I'm in a period that I need to cool down after big ups and downs in my personal life.Take your time; the more effectively you can take care of yourself, the more fulfilling your relationships will be (generally). Do you really think he has a soft spot for me? Could it be that he is the kind of person to remember birthdays and stuff and do that from habit?Definitely; I'm the same way. *** I'm glad I've been able to help thus far. P.S. I really do smile a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regine_phalange Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Haha, smiling is good. No, we don't drive! There is bus and the train. His parents are divorced, maybe he is a bit alienated with his dad. I haven't really asked him but I can hypothesize. I really want to see him, but Im too shy to pursue it. Im a bit passive in this stuff. That's why I finally threw the ball to his court. You also remember birthdays of people you haven't seen for a long time and you dont have special feelings for? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Nibbles Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 I really want to see him, but Im too shy to pursue it. Im a bit passive in this stuff. That's why I finally threw the ball to his court. Don't be such a pussy. Tell your man how you feel about him. "(*Sam), I really like you and I miss you a lot and I want to see you. I want you do do (*this date thing) with me." Hook it up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regine_phalange Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Don't be such a pussy. Tell your man how you feel about him. "(*Sam), I really like you and I miss you a lot and I want to see you. I want you do do (*this date thing) with me." Hook it up! Hey, I love this jumpin' wolf! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regine_phalange Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Don't be such a pussy. I'm a lady, and this is paradox to ask Link to post Share on other sites
sunrise24 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 You also remember birthdays of people you haven't seen for a long time and you dont have special feelings for?Yes I do. Though, my social network is much more focused than it used to be. Your need for time to cool down from ups & downs in your personal life and your decision to throw the ball in his court go very well together; however long it takes for him to follow up is time you can use to take care of yourself, so that you'll be ready to embrace your time with each other. At the same time, nothing ventured is nothing gained. I wish you the best; feel free to keep us updated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regine_phalange Posted November 18, 2013 Author Share Posted November 18, 2013 Aw, thanks I also feel it's the best! I need time and space to breathe, and I am just happy for the situation. If I have any news I'll be back! The very best to you too xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
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