My dilemma

[JohnMcG]

Hey guys, I'm new here so just thought I'd share my problem. I'm 26 years old and married with 2 young daughters. My wife and I split 3 weeks ago, she returned from work and told me she was no longer in love with me and wanted me to leave, which I did. This wasn't any real big suprise as we've been argueing for a month solid. What really hurts is that she isn't willing to try and work things out, she seems so happy and is going out with friends to clubs on a weekly basis, that's actually where she is right now as I've got the girls staying tonight. Well that's a bit of background but here is the real dilemma.

 

My wife has no intention like I said of any reconciliation, she puts the idea down straight away when I mention it. I was over at the house today walking my dog and she insisted on walking around in the nude, calling me into the bathroom when she was in the shower, even going to the lengths of getting me to rub her fake tan all over her when she got out. She's so touchy freely with me, it breaks my heart every time she touches me. What exactly is going on here? Any advice is greatly welcomed ???

[Sparky9]

She is keeping you on the hook. Plain and simple. Sounds like she wants her freedom , but also wants to keep contact with you.

 

She may be suffering from grass is greener syndrome, which will probably not last. Give her space, and take some for yourself...I know, much easier said than done...but do it!! If she wants to come back , she will...if not, you can't force it, and it's over.

 

I hope all works out for you. Keep your chin up...spend time with friends and family...relationships are work..and sometimes this is a needed step to realize what you really have as a couple.

[JohnMcG]

Thanks sparky, I'm trying my best with it all but it's just so hard. Shes actually been to see a lawyer already about divorce and it's only been a matter of weeks. I told her today that I wanted NC until Christmas, access to our children is being sorted out by my family (they will pick them up and bring them to me, leave them home again etc). I thought this was the best way as seeing her every day crushed me beyond comprehension. I truly believe the marriage is over, not by my decision, I'd go back in a shot but I refuse to be strung along.

Edited November 16, 2013 by JohnMcG

[headinthecloud]

Thanks sparky, I'm trying my best with it all but it's just so hard. Shes actually been to see a lawyer already about divorce and it's only been a matter of weeks. I told her today that I wanted NC until Christmas, access to our children is being sorted out by my family (they will pick them up and bring them to me, leave them home again etc). I thought this was the best way as seeing her every day crushed me beyond comprehension. I truly believe the marriage is over, not by my decision, I'd go back in a shot but I refuse to be strung along.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this, John. And she is being terribly insensitive by acting so immaturely. I think NC is exactly what you need to do, I hope you're able to work it out.

 

It sounds like classic GIGS. And now shes looking to live free. She will soon find out that it rarely works out. In either case, do try to let her go.

 

Take this time to heal and focus all your energy on you and what you can do to improve your life and for your kids. And post here as often as you need. You're not alone. And you will get through this. It does get better. Be strong.

[Shocked Suzie]

Agreed with both above...she has you totally where she wants you, change tactics! Call her bluff, don't play games just look after yourself, focus on you do healthy things you've wanted to do for a while....show your children love and enjoy your time with them. Drop them off and don't go in the house....minimal to no contact, cause she will be able to read your still hanging

 

 

Self happiness, see if she steps up...but don't roll over too easily if she does...she is acting selfishly and unfairly to you

 

SS x

[aliveagain]

Don't do what she expects you to do like be there when she falls. Give her what she wants, a divorce, start discussions about dividing the assets, talk to a lawyer, find out your rights. Divorce takes time and you can stop it anytime up until the final decree. She wants to trade up but wants you there as the baby sitter and fall back guy if it doesn't work out. Cut her off, N/C except for the children, make the affair a hard place to be. Let her get a babysitter if she wants to go out, don't be so available, go out and do things on your own. If she wants to follow through with the divorce than you know for sure she's left the marriage, why waste years on false hope. Move on with your life, the one that is the least invested in the marriage has the power. Fake it even when it hurts. Weakness is unattractive to woman, take control away from her.

[firemanq]

My lovely cheating lieing STBXwife would call me and raise hell just to torment me. It was a way for her to blame me for our problems and to justify taking the kids and leaving me. She would call and I was very non-committal. She would ask me a question, and I would reply, "Ummm, maybe. I will think about that, ummm. I'm not sure, maybe, we will see." I even put the phone down a couple of times and let her rant and rave to herself. Drove her crazy! Then after the phone call ended, I would go out and split a cord or two of fire wood. A friend of mine later went through the same B-S. I told him to do as I had done. He did and drove his personal bicth crazy also.

 

Try it, the key is not to allow her to yank your chain, be cool.

[littlejaz]

Orangefruit may have a point depending on what the problems are in your marriage. Has your wife been trying to get you to realize what has been going on from her side? If so, maybe you should try MC and IC to show her that you are getting it and are willing to work on it. If things have been the other way, that you have been trying to get her to realize what has been going on, then I would say start the 180 and let her see what she is giving up.

 

I think having your family pickup and drop off the kids is a great idea to stop her from playing these games. Don't take her "happiness" too literally, it may very well be a facade to lessen the guilt she feels for breaking up the family.

 

Give us a better idea of what you have been fighting over and we may be able to offer better advice.

 

Good luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Give us a better idea of what you have been fighting over and we may be able to offer better advice.

 

Good luck.

Agree 100%.

 

My first thought was "what kind of marriage did you have until 7 weeks ago?".

 

Is this behavior part of a pattern on her part? Any history of inappropriate behavior?

 

Mr. Lucky

[imtooconfused]

Contrary to what others have said, it really doesn't matter what the problems were that you were arguing over. She decided to exit the marriage with no interest in reconciliation. On top of that, she plays the ridiculous teasing games with you. This woman is acting like a spoiled child, is actually toxic to you and you should thank her for not offering to reconcile.

 

Thanks sparky, I'm trying my best with it all but it's just so hard. Shes actually been to see a lawyer already about divorce and it's only been a matter of weeks. I told her today that I wanted NC until Christmas, access to our children is being sorted out by my family (they will pick them up and bring them to me, leave them home again etc). I thought this was the best way as seeing her every day crushed me beyond comprehension. I truly believe the marriage is over, not by my decision, I'd go back in a shot but I refuse to be strung along.

 

This post encourages me that you are on the right path. It will be an extremely difficult path that you will need to follow, but the end result will be a stronger more confident JohnMcG who will never fall for these childish games again. Most importantly, don't forget your children. Show them the love and caring of a responsible parent.

[Movingforward2]

First advice bang the crap out of her and she will be okay with you.lol

 

What where you 2 argue about?

So you know what the issue is.

many men wait till things are like this totake action while

they knew for ages what the issue is.

 

When a woman get tired of you just a regulary speach is not enough.

action action action.not just to have or keep her but because you realized that its needed.

 

 

Looking at the story I think she wants you still.

but she told you to leave because it was her last

option to shake u up.

If you dont get it now,dont be surprise if she divorce you.

 

Work on the issues.im shore youu know what the issues are for ages.

so stop acting and be a adult and take it serieus.

 

You need to do your best to get her back. With real action not temporary actions..

 

I'm in the same boat. My divorce is very confusing to anyone that knew the real story. My wife is a walkaway wife......with GIGS right now. I pay most of our bills and she has worked part-time for years. I've done my best to go 180, but NC is almost impossible because of the kids because we end up talking and .......... with each other, then it confuses all of us more. I end up going NC to help us both, but then we see each other and love talking to each other.........I don't know, but it DOES get better. You are doing the right thing........NO CONTACT or very limited contact. She's going to have to make a choice. Unfortunately, I haven't learned this lesson yet!!!!!