CelticHeart Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Has anyone experienced their OM/OW not being truthful about their feelings for the AP? I'm not sure if it even happens but was wondering if any of you believe that they might not express their true feelings to assuage their guilt and/or to not "lead the AP on" if they have no intention of leaving their marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiousGeorge2 Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Based on my experience, I guess it should happen a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Truthful to the BS or to the AP? As a fMOW, I was not forthcoming to my xMOM about my feelings for him but I knew I cared for him very much. Neither of us planned to leave our Ms, so I just tried to be in denial about it and just ride the wave & enjoy how happy I was being with him. After his DDay, we were NC for 4 months when he called me out of the blue because he couldn't bare not telling me how much I meant to him, how'd he'd never and would never feel this way about anyone in his entire life, etc. I told him how I felt too except no ILYs but it was pretty much an outpouring of love except the actual word. I wondered then and still do now if actually saying it was a boundary for him because he wasn't ever going to leave his wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
megamommy Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 In my experience my MM definitely TRIES to hide his feelings, but that's his way, he doesn't like to feel vulnerable. He gives me just enough to let me know what he feels without actually saying it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 I personally think I experienced the opposite. I think he tried to trick me into thinking he cared far more than he ever actually did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CelticHeart Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Phoe, it does seem that the majority of them are like that, which is why I was curious as to whether anyone had experienced the opposite, even though it's far from the norm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshinegrl Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Mine admitted to hiding his feelings because he was afraid that if revealed, one or both of us might want to progress it into talk of a future together. He felt that if it progressed too far, we could ruin the lives of so many that would be affected (both our families). Makes sense for a while to try to keep emotions out of it, but if the affair becomes long term, the woman usually needs the emotional validation and affection to keep her from feeling used. He finally admitted recently (after almost 2 years), that he was in the same place as me and felt for me as much as I did for him. That was all I needed to keep going. Neither of us have any intentions on leaving our families. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 When I ended NC and tried to savage our friendship. I confronted her and talked about her behaviour. She denied it was an emotional affair and there was nothing going on. However at the sametime her breasts were errect....... And she was very excited we were talking again and didn't give me any lip about me avioding her. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 When I ended NC and tried to savage our friendship. I confronted her and talked about her behaviour. She denied it was an emotional affair and there was nothing going on. However at the sametime her breasts were errect....... And she was very excited we were talking again and didn't give me any lip about me avioding her. Maybe it was cold? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Maybe it was cold? It was in the summer. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Her breasts were erect? lordie, we have sunk to a new low on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
hayleym Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) Both me and OM do a lot of feeling hiding. It's selfish and to protect ourselves. If we start saying I love you all the time we are likely to want to leave our marriages and neither of us is ready to do that. He has told me he pulls away as soon as he starts getting the what if thoughts again. We both seem to do it. I love attention so I don't do it as often as he does, I can easily get sucked into the ego boost and excitement of talking and being together every day, but when we do that I start blushing when he's around or thinking about him non stop and I can't get anything else done. He says for him when he starts feeling to much for me he starts distancing from his wife, without meaning too. He refuses to do that because it will get us caught. His MO is to give her a gift or something after we have been extra close, then step back for a week or two from me and focus on her. I don't love it but I'm used to it and take that time to connect with my husband as well. As best I can. I like to be in control. So does he. Keeping our feelings in check helps that. Edited November 19, 2013 by hayleym 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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