ExGirlfriend calls after 25 days of NC - needed

[dvx]

Hi this is my first post, just registered but i have been reading here for some time now. So go easy on me hehe.

 

Anyways to make it as short as possible, i've had an on and off relationship with my girl for about 3 years now. The most recent breakup was when she left me some time during the summer. Man i was devastated, i did all the wrong stuff, i was desperate, needy, clingy, you name it. I begged here for several weeks. I just couldn't believe it nor wanted to believe it. She left me for good this time. I did not get any reasons for the breakup just that she couldn't handle me anymore. She said i was a psyckho and a stalker etc etc.

 

Well i started searching the net how to get her back, the answer was no contact. I said to myself i must give this a shot no matter how hard its going to be. I went from calling her a hundred times a day and sending bunch of texts to NO CONTACT at all. I removed her number and i was determined to succeed. I went total quiet.

 

As the weeks went by, i started losing hope more and more that she will ever call. Until the most unexpected thing happened to me this thursday. I was at work and i see my phone ringing with private number, i did not pick up, after a few mins it rings again with private number, i did not answer, third time it rings its HER NUMBER! I could not believe it! I did not answer this either.. When i got home from work a few hours later she rings again, This time i did answer.

 

She was like; Hey it's me just wanted to say you've left a tshirt and a pair of shoes here, what should i do with them? Man i felt the anger rushing me and i was like, you calling me for that? I don't know it's just a tshirt throw it away if you wish. She was like Ok then and we hung up.

 

Now this is where the fun part starts. 5 mins later she calls again!! I answer and she is crying! She says "Why do you hate me?" "Why haven't you called me all this time?" "Have you found another girl"?

 

I changed subject and i said well you called me about my stuff what do i know, then she said no acctually i didn't call about your stuff i was just nervous. The real reason i called is beacuse i miss the things we used to do and i've been thinking about us alot the last days. I called to see how you are and what you've been up to but i see you're busy so i won't bother you anymore. And yes i was kinda busy i was on my way to the gym with a friend so i said ok. We said goodbye and hung up.

 

2 days later i kinda felt bad about being harsh with her. So i called her (big mistake i know) And guess what? She didn't answer, i called 2-3 times.

 

After a while i get a text from her: Don't call me ever again, remove my number, i thought u became a man i guess i was wrong.

 

Man this chocked me hard. I was in total chock when i read this. 2 days ago you we're calling me and crying saying you missed me now you tell me to f*** off and remove your number?

 

Whats the matter with this girl? Is she normal? Did i do something wrong? Have i ruined all the chances? I really love this girl and want to get back so badly but i don't know what to do. I can't read her, i cant understand what she is doing.

 

Sorry for the messy text. I hope someone will read and try to help me.

 

thanks.

Edited November 16, 2013 by dvx

[Ftheeastcoast]

You should just move on. I don't see how you could ever trust/respect that type of person.

 

You didn't do anything wrong other than reaching out again. She's the one who hasn't changed, she's a child. Sorry man but it's not going to work and you deserve someone who doesn't pull that crap.

 

I guarantee you she will try and talk to you again as you move on. Ignore it all.

[StyleOnEm]

Her friends probably played a big role, maybe even texted that from her phone for you to leave her alone since they see the hurt she's been having from trying to talk to you.

 

It's clear you've always been on her mind. Let it go. I definitely think she'll initiate contact with you later when she's less of a mess.

[dvx]

Her friends probably played a big role, maybe even texted that from her phone for you to leave her alone since they see the hurt she's been having from trying to talk to you.

 

It's clear you've always been on her mind. Let it go. I definitely think she'll initiate contact with you later when she's less of a mess.

 

Hey you might be right. I know that she was alone on thursday when she called me and when i called her on friday night she was with her friend or friends. Maybe they manipulated her and made her answer like she did. Or she wanted play hard to get when she was in their company. But as soon as she is lonely again i think she will call.

 

What should i do when she calls again? I WANT TO GET HER BACK, No offense but i don't need answers like MOVE ON. Otherwise i wouldn't be making this thread. Thanks.

[r321148]

Man i was devastated, i did all the wrong stuff, i was desperate, needy, clingy, you name it. I begged here for several weeks. error: but understandable. Most people will do this in their emotional state post break up.

I did not get any reasons for the breakup just that she couldn't handle me anymore. She said i was a psyckho and a stalker...is that not a good enough reason for the breakup?

 

Well i started searching the net how to get her back, the answer was no contact. error

 

i was determined to succeed. error. no matter your determination you can't force someone to come back by manipulation.

 

As the weeks went by, i started losing hope more and more that she will ever call. error you should have been focusing on you not waiting for her call

 

When i got home from work a few hours later she rings again, This time i did answer. error you weren't ready to talk to her so you shouldn't have answered

 

I don't know it's just a tshirt throw it away if you wish. She was like Ok then and we hung up. error. by acting like that you showed her you hadn't changed.

 

Now this is where the fun part starts. 5 mins later she calls again!! I answer. error. Again you weren't ready to talk to her.

 

2 days later i kinda felt bad about being harsh with her. So i called her. error. Still not ready to talk as proved by your reaction to her not answering. If you were ready you'd have been ok with that possible outcome.

 

 

What should i do when she calls again? I WANT TO GET HER BACK, No offense but i don't need answers like MOVE ON. Otherwise i wouldn't be making this thread. Thanks. another error

 

There is so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.

This is your first mistake: You want to make her come back. You searched the net for how best to get her back. All that advice is total c**p.

There is only one way you're going to get her back and that's if she decides she wants you back. Guess what...she might never do that! The sooner you realise that and start preparing for that the better. She might come back eventually but do you really want to put your life on hold for her? You really want to sit by the phone waiting for a call that might never come? I personally think you've done a lot of damage and the fact you guys have been so on and off is a really bad sign and I'm not sure there is any way back now (not one that will last anyway). I know it sounds like I'm blaming you for it all but I can only comment on what you've written. I very much doubt she's blameless in it all either so you both need to work on yourselves before there can be any chance at all.

Going no contact is to get yourself back. You didn't use it for that. You used it as a game to try to get her back and didn't bother to work on yourself. When she contacted you all you did was show her that you weren't in a place to talk to her.

 

If that sounds harsh then sorry but that's my thoughts. I think you need to forget her and work on the issues that drove you 2 apart. Improve yourself. That way one of 2 things will happen:

1) in time, she comes back and see's you've really changed and wants to try again

2) she doesn't come back but you've improved yourself and are getting on with your own life and aren't hanging around waiting for her.

Whatever happens you win basically.

Good luck

Edited November 17, 2013 by r321148

[dvx]

Any more inputs? I would like to know what i should do if she calls again. Should i ask her out for a cup of coffee and talk with her? See if we can make things work again. I know that she is very insecure so i think i must take the first step here if she calls again.

 

Or should i ignore her calls for lets say a week or so? and let her beg a bit?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Let her beg a bit? Are you out of your mind. Be a man and man up! Forget relationships now is single time, you time. I'm growing so much everyday since my ex left me.

 

I'm changing my life around for the better and I would of never of done it if we hadn't of broken up. If we had got back together after a month I would of still changed for the better but not like I am now.

 

You need to let go and just focus on what went wrong and learn from it. You should try and prove to yourself that you can live without her and don't contact her, not to make her sweat but to put some REAL time between you both and grow.

 

Take the red pill and see the real world, escape the loveblinded relationship, become the one, yourself.

[r321148]

Any more inputs? I would like to know what i should do if she calls again. Should i ask her out for a cup of coffee and talk with her? See if we can make things work again. I know that she is very insecure so i think i must take the first step here if she calls again.

Or should i ignore her calls for lets say a week or so? and let her beg a bit?

 

You should ignore her calls until you don't care whether she calls or not. That will be a sign that you can talk to her rationally.

The way you're approaching this, that will be forever.

[StyleOnEm]

Sounds like you are really not interested in any real advice, so I'll give you what you want to hear: If she calls, answer and beg her to meet you for coffee. Then beg her some more for a second chance. How could she say no after that?

[yorkie]

right i will give you some advice! if you want her back it needs to be for the right reasons! have you changed has she changed and did the dumper beg the dumpee to come back and then you need to make the dumper work! the dumper left your life for a reason and the dumpee was left for a reason. you both need to talk and work at it and commit but guess what the dumper has to do most of the work to come back and unless its a defo that they want you back they need to proove that aswell. otherwise like everyone says will it happen again?

[dvx]

right i will give you some advice! if you want her back it needs to be for the right reasons! have you changed has she changed and did the dumper beg the dumpee to come back and then you need to make the dumper work! the dumper left your life for a reason and the dumpee was left for a reason. you both need to talk and work at it and commit but guess what the dumper has to do most of the work to come back and unless its a defo that they want you back they need to proove that aswell. otherwise like everyone says will it happen again?

Thanks. I have changed the things i did wrong, i have learned everything now. Im more then ready to make things right this time. I just need the chance to sit down and talk to her again. Im on day 4 on the new NC round now. I hope she will call.

[salem mark]

dvx,you dont appear to be listening/taking anyone's advice here.

 

she dumped you,work on yourself until she begs to see you,

 

go NC and move on,ignore her(its the best thing you can do right now)

[dvx]

dvx,you dont appear to be listening/taking anyone's advice here.

 

she dumped you,work on yourself until she begs to see you,

 

go NC and move on,ignore her(its the best thing you can do right now)

Well that's what i asked. I really want her back at any cost and im willing to do whatever it takes. Otherwise i wouldn't be making this thread if moving on completely was my choice, but it's not.

 

I have been working on myself it's been 5 months since she left me. I had 1 month of NC until she called like i said. Now my question is what to do now? Go back to NC again? And if she calls again what should i do? If i keep ignoring her calls how will i know if her intention was to beg to meet me or not?

[r321148]

Well that's what i asked. I really want her back at any cost and im willing to do whatever it takes. Otherwise i wouldn't be making this thread if moving on completely was my choice, but it's not.

 

I have been working on myself it's been 5 months since she left me. I had 1 month of NC until she called like i said. Now my question is what to do now? Go back to NC again? And if she calls again what should i do? If i keep ignoring her calls how will i know if her intention was to beg to meet me or not?

 

There is nothing you can do. You can read all the advice about "how to get your ex back" that you like but it won't work unless she really wants to get back together with you. And if she really wants to get back together with you then you don't need to play games trying to win her back.

 

You're wrong again. Moving on is completely your choice. It's not easy but it is your choice at the end of it all. The sooner you let go and realise that she might not come back the better. You can choose not to move on but bear in mind you may be waiting the rest of your life.

 

As for your questions:

Yes go NC again. But do it for the right reasons this time. You haven't changed and you didn't work on yourself. You sat by the phone waiting for her call. When she did call you proved to her that you hadn't changed at all.

If she calls you ignore her until you can talk to her sensibly and rationally. I'd say for you this will be 6 months +

 

You shouldn't be wanting her to beg you. All you really need to know from her is that she wants you back and she means it. That won't happen until things change drastically (for both of you)

Your motives are really suspect. You sound like this is all a game to you and that all you really want to do is to "win". That's not a good reason to be getting back together.

[salem mark]

again, man up!!

 

ignore her calls until she suggests seeing u,

 

the most powerful thing you can do is take your power/self esteem back

 

SHEDUMPEDU!!

[salem mark]

r321148,

 

i meant the only way he can maintain his dignity is too ignore her,

 

he doesnt seem willing to do that,as u observed, he appears to be waiting by the phone,

 

also, she appears to be very cruel in bow she is handling this,something dvx appears to be unaware of

[dvx]

There is nothing you can do. You can read all the advice about "how to get your ex back" that you like but it won't work unless she really wants to get back together with you. And if she really wants to get back together with you then you don't need to play games trying to win her back.

 

You're wrong again. Moving on is completely your choice. It's not easy but it is your choice at the end of it all. The sooner you let go and realise that she might not come back the better. You can choose not to move on but bear in mind you may be waiting the rest of your life.

 

As for your questions:

Yes go NC again. But do it for the right reasons this time. You haven't changed and you didn't work on yourself. You sat by the phone waiting for her call. When she did call you proved to her that you hadn't changed at all.

If she calls you ignore her until you can talk to her sensibly and rationally. I'd say for you this will be 6 months +

 

You shouldn't be wanting her to beg you. All you really need to know from her is that she wants you back and she means it. That won't happen until things change drastically (for both of you)

Your motives are really suspect. You sound like this is all a game to you and that all you really want to do is to "win". That's not a good reason to be getting back together.

Well i truly miss and love her. And i know i made some huge misstakes that lead to her dumping me. So she is not the only one to blame. Now that i have learned from my misstakes i am willing to let her know and see that, and if all goes well maybe give me a last chance.

again, man up!!

 

ignore her calls until she suggests seeing u,

 

the most powerful thing you can do is take your power/self esteem back

 

SHEDUMPEDU!!

Ignore her calls for how long? What if she constantly starts calling me every day several times for several weeks, when should i finally pick the phone up? And when she asks "why haven't you answered all this time" what should i reply?

 

And if i keep ignoring her, how will she be able to suggest a meeting?

[Kizmet Fisher]

Hi this is my first post, just registered but i have been reading here for some time now. So go easy on me hehe.

 

Anyways to make it as short as possible, i've had an on and off relationship with my girl for about 3 years now. The most recent breakup was when she left me some time during the summer. Man i was devastated, i did all the wrong stuff, i was desperate, needy, clingy, you name it. I begged here for several weeks. I just couldn't believe it nor wanted to believe it. She left me for good this time. I did not get any reasons for the breakup just that she couldn't handle me anymore. She said i was a psyckho and a stalker etc etc.

 

Well i started searching the net how to get her back, the answer was no contact. I said to myself i must give this a shot no matter how hard its going to be. I went from calling her a hundred times a day and sending bunch of texts to NO CONTACT at all. I removed her number and i was determined to succeed. I went total quiet.

 

As the weeks went by, i started losing hope more and more that she will ever call. Until the most unexpected thing happened to me this thursday. I was at work and i see my phone ringing with private number, i did not pick up, after a few mins it rings again with private number, i did not answer, third time it rings its HER NUMBER! I could not believe it! I did not answer this either.. When i got home from work a few hours later she rings again, This time i did answer.

 

She was like; Hey it's me just wanted to say you've left a tshirt and a pair of shoes here, what should i do with them? Man i felt the anger rushing me and i was like, you calling me for that? I don't know it's just a tshirt throw it away if you wish. She was like Ok then and we hung up.

 

Now this is where the fun part starts. 5 mins later she calls again!! I answer and she is crying! She says "Why do you hate me?" "Why haven't you called me all this time?" "Have you found another girl"?

 

I changed subject and i said well you called me about my stuff what do i know, then she said no acctually i didn't call about your stuff i was just nervous. The real reason i called is beacuse i miss the things we used to do and i've been thinking about us alot the last days. I called to see how you are and what you've been up to but i see you're busy so i won't bother you anymore. And yes i was kinda busy i was on my way to the gym with a friend so i said ok. We said goodbye and hung up.

 

2 days later i kinda felt bad about being harsh with her. So i called her (big mistake i know) And guess what? She didn't answer, i called 2-3 times.

 

After a while i get a text from her: Don't call me ever again, remove my number, i thought u became a man i guess i was wrong.

 

Man this chocked me hard. I was in total chock when i read this. 2 days ago you we're calling me and crying saying you missed me now you tell me to f*** off and remove your number?

 

Whats the matter with this girl? Is she normal? Did i do something wrong? Have i ruined all the chances? I really love this girl and want to get back so badly but i don't know what to do. I can't read her, i cant understand what she is doing.

 

Sorry for the messy text. I hope someone will read and try to help me.

 

thanks.

 

OP, read this very carefully. No matter how much you love this girl, you cannot be with her. This is because she only likes you when you stay away from her completely and cut her out of your life. When you take even the tiniest most miniscule step towards her she is no longer attracted to you and thinks you're a disgusting psycho stalker. It is impossible for you to be with her in a relationship and there is nothing you can do to change that.

[r321148]

Well i truly miss and love her. And i know i made some huge misstakes that lead to her dumping me. So she is not the only one to blame. Now that i have learned from my misstakes i am willing to let her know and see that, and if all goes well maybe give me a last chance.

 

Ignore her calls for how long? What if she constantly starts calling me every day several times for several weeks, when should i finally pick the phone up? And when she asks "why haven't you answered all this time" what should i reply?

 

And if i keep ignoring her, how will she be able to suggest a meeting?

 

No it usually takes two to break a relationship. It's probably the case that neither of you are wholly to blame or entirely blameless.

The fact of the matter is that she doesn't want to be with you at the moment. You can't change that and nothing you do will bring her back. If she does come back she will do it in her own time and it will be her own decision. That's the only way it will work out and last.

 

You said you've already split and got back together a load of times. That's a really bad sign and if you rush back into this then I don't give it much time before it all falls apart again. That's why you shouldn't be taking her calls any time soon. (not to make her "sweat a bit" or make her "beg" you). If you like you can tell her if/when she does call that you both need to grow as people and that you won't be calling her or taking her calls until that happens....I wouldn't advise that though. I'd be inclined to just do it. If the love is really there then time won't matter and if/when you do get in touch again she'll understand why you did it.

You both have growing to do before this can even begin to work and thats why you need to give each other space for the time being. When you are separated (as you are now) you need to fully let go otherwise your judgement will always be clouded. You do sound like you're not fully engaging in this and are just doing no contact whilst waiting for her to call. When she finally did call you handled it pretty badly and that's another reason why you shouldn't be talking at the moment. I know you think you've changed but I suspect you're too volatile right now and if she says something you don't like then you risk doing more damage.

I know you probably think this is harsh but I do wish you luck.

[dvx]

No it usually takes two to break a relationship. It's probably the case that neither of you are wholly to blame or entirely blameless.

The fact of the matter is that she doesn't want to be with you at the moment. You can't change that and nothing you do will bring her back. If she does come back she will do it in her own time and it will be her own decision. That's the only way it will work out and last.

 

You said you've already split and got back together a load of times. That's a really bad sign and if you rush back into this then I don't give it much time before it all falls apart again. That's why you shouldn't be taking her calls any time soon. (not to make her "sweat a bit" or make her "beg" you). If you like you can tell her if/when she does call that you both need to grow as people and that you won't be calling her or taking her calls until that happens....I wouldn't advise that though. I'd be inclined to just do it. If the love is really there then time won't matter and if/when you do get in touch again she'll understand why you did it.

You both have growing to do before this can even begin to work and thats why you need to give each other space for the time being. When you are separated (as you are now) you need to fully let go otherwise your judgement will always be clouded. You do sound like you're not fully engaging in this and are just doing no contact whilst waiting for her to call. When she finally did call you handled it pretty badly and that's another reason why you shouldn't be talking at the moment. I know you think you've changed but I suspect you're too volatile right now and if she says something you don't like then you risk doing more damage.

I know you probably think this is harsh but I do wish you luck.

Thanks. We'll se what the future holds. Currently on day 6 of NC. I was tempted to call today but i held myself. Waiting for her call.

[dvx]

UPDATE

 

SHE HAS CALLED ME 45 TIMES TODAY! AND SHE KEEPS CALLING AND BEGGING!

 

Looks like things are going the way i planned them to.

[Ftheeastcoast]

UPDATE

 

SHE HAS CALLED ME 45 TIMES TODAY! AND SHE KEEPS CALLING AND BEGGING!

 

Looks like things are going the way i planned them to.

 

until you actually talk to her and she responds with this again:

 

 

 

After a while i get a text from her: Don't call me ever again, remove my number, i thought u became a man i guess i was wrong.

 

[mikecr50]

IF you talk to her know ahead of time what you want to say and what you want hear from her. You must not show any emotion, NO begging, Do Not say anything like can we try again etc. Be calm ask her what the problems were and then listen! Do not interrupt her let her spill everything she has to say. Ask her what's changed? Do not say anything- listen to her talk! You need to try and figure out what she wants. Ashoward can we do so this doesn't happen again. If she says let's be friends, tell her you're not enemies but that's not going to work for you- be strong even if you have tears in your eyes! She probably doesn't want to be with you or without you, you deserve better! You'll find better! It's probably not worth a second try if you do be slow and careful! Just my two cents-been there.

[r321148]

UPDATE

 

SHE HAS CALLED ME 45 TIMES TODAY! AND SHE KEEPS CALLING AND BEGGING!

 

Looks like things are going the way i planned them to.

 

You're taking a lot of pleasure in her begging you.

I very much doubt from the way you write that you truly love this girl, you just want to control her and to "win" this breakup.

 

Even if you guys get back together, I'd give it a month or 2 before you break up again. This cycle is on repeat.

 

Again. You both need time and space to do a lot of growing up before this will work.

[dvx]

You're taking a lot of pleasure in her begging you.

I very much doubt from the way you write that you truly love this girl, you just want to control her and to "win" this breakup.

 

Even if you guys get back together, I'd give it a month or 2 before you break up again. This cycle is on repeat.

 

Again. You both need time and space to do a lot of growing up before this will work.

How much time do we need u think?