calithin83 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Ok my b/f has this girl whos his friend, lets call her MIA, ANyways mia learned how to cut hair, so now my b/f gets a haircut by her every month, at first i was mad but then i met her and she seemed okay and not like a threat. Anyways i told him that it bothered me that every month now he has to go to HER HOUSE to get a haircut, it just doesnt make sense especially when he had been going to the same haircut place since he was a kid. I try not to let it bother me but the last time he went and i called he picked up and then hung up on me, i called back but he wouldnt pick up, eventually i gave up and i heard from him hours later and he made an excuse that his phone cut off, but i told him "Does she have a house phone"? and he said "YA" and i said "then why didnt u ask her to borrow it"..and he didnt know what to say... Anyways i think it was just an excuse.... THen yesterday he went to her house to get a haircut and i called him and he didnt pick up, i even text him and NOTHING...i finally text him "Goodnight, ill talk to u another day"...then like an hour later he called me but i didnt pick up because i felt WHAT FOR??! so today i told him that i was bothered for him not picking up my phone, he agreed and said i was sorry, and also he did get all my calls he just wasnt picking up, he was even dumb enough to admit it.."Ya i saw u were calling but i didnt pick up because i knew if i told u were i was u would get mad, so i rather u get mad at me later".. I think this isrediculous and i dont know what to do....How would he feel if i was at a friends house, and he called and i ignored his calls? IF he really isnt doing anything bad he shouldnt be fearful of picking up, and actually id feel a tinsy bit better if he did and showed that hes talking to me..I DONT GET IT>...i need opinions! Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Sorry but it sounds somewhat suspicious to me......most especially when he hung up on you, obviously knowing it was you that called, and he didn't have the courtesy to borrow her phone to call you back........his phone went dead my arse. And this bit about him ignoring your calls while he's there, doesn't sound good, either. Why must she cut his hair in her home? Doesn't she work out of a salon somewhere? If so, why can't he at least get his hair cut during business hours where she works? Do you know her at all? Where she works? If it were me, I'd make an appt to get my haircut with her....then be sure to tell her something like, "So you cut my boyfriend's hair" and when she asks who he is, be sure to tell her....then watch carefully for the expression on her face...........if she has no idea he's got a girlfriend, you'll likely see in her expression that she's shocked to find out he's involved. But wait, you said you've met her...........were you with him at the time? Does she already know he's with you? No matter what though, if something IS going on, it's his fault not hers..he's the one who's responsible for being faithful and honest with you......... How long have you been together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 ya she knows im his girlfriend, and ive been with him 4 years... I just dont know what to do if goes gets his haircut at her house again, it gets on my nerves, somtimes i really just wanna let go...i dunno its weird, its like the more i tell him something bothers me the more he does it Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 You didn't answer my question.........does she normally work out of a salon? Assuming so, why can't he just go there like everyone else does, during business hours, and get his hair cut there, as opposed to at 'her home'? Have you asked him this? If she works at a salon, there's no good reason why he must go to her home....and if he insists on going to her home when he doesn't have to, I say you've got trouble and you need to boot his butt because something isn't right and at the very least he's not respecting you. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 What's your boyfriend's hair like? If he really needs a so called "hair cut" so often why doesn't he just shave it all off? This sounds suspious to me too. Next time he doesn't pick up his phone I say go over to this girls house (if you know where she lives) and secretly find out what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
CurvyGurl Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Maybe he doesn't want to talk on the phone while he's getting a haircut. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 he sais he doesnt want to drive to salon because its far, he assures me "NOTHING IS HAPPENING, SHE HAS A BF, DONT WORRY" anyways i told him again it bothered me and hes promised to next time pick up but he sais he still going to get his haircut there..ugh.. i dunno maybe its time i do something annoying so he can see how it feelz!!! I met this girl and she knows im his girl , she seemed nice but she just said HI and left, she met him at the arcades, shes like a tomboy who likes to play arcades but shes pretty but in a simple boring kinda way. ANyways i dunno....if he keeps going to her house to get a haircut its annoying!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Sounds like Mia is cutting your boyfriend's hair for free. Or she is being paid "under the table" - the money in this case being that which goes to the salon normally, and the stylist is tipped separately. It's not unheard of around here - I know of a number of people who have visited stylist friends at their homes to have something done. But usually it is for a specific occasion, where they wanted their friend to do their hair but were unable to book salon time. It's generally not something that is done on a regular basis. If all she is doing is cutting his hair, maybe next time you should try to go with him. One way to do this is to have the cut scheduled into a day of activity together. If all is legit, it'll just be and in-and-out-the-door type thing - if they seem uptight during the process, you'll know something's up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 hmmm i feel weird going with him and i dont think he would ever plan it on a day that he has to see me...i dunno she doesnt seem like a threat but i just think that after a while of her cutting his hair for free she will expect soemthing in return or he will like her or she will like him..i dunno i just dont trust people, i mean sometimes u cant even trust yourself!!! I just wish he would go to a salon and pay, its only 10 dollars but he sais no that hes still goinig to get his haircut by her and not to worry... maybe i should just say ok and do something similar to him, im just happy cuz soon imight be able to move out and just meet other people and not worry so much! Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I agree with reasontosigh go with him. See how he reacts when you suggest the idea. Go with him and see for yourself what's going on. If he really is getting a hair cut then you will have peace of mind knowing that's what's really going on. If they seem uptight about it then what reasontosigh said you'll know somethings up. See if she actually knows how to cut hair. Lol. Actions speak louder then words. Do you know how long it takes for him to get his hair cut? My boyfriend says it only takes around 20 minutes for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 well i know she cuts his hair cuz his hair was cut now and when i met her she asked "do u like his haircut that i gave"? and i just said ya its fine.. anyways mayeb nothing is happening now but what im scared is that eventually something will happen..ahh owell if it does then ill find someone better cuz she will only last a while..Grrr why i break myself over this Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I did not read everyones response so I may have missed something, but when he comes back from getting his hair cut does he act differently? Is he more defensive? Snappy? etc. Just wondering, its probably harmless but I agree with the others, you should go one day when he is already there. Don't let him know you coming over. Just show up, watch his reaction and hers as well. Sometimes peoples reactions are all you need to know as to what may or may not truly be going on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 How often is he getting his hair cut? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Next time he goes for a haircut, ask him if you can go with him. See what his reaction is. If everything is cool, he'll have no problem with you coming. If something fishy is going on, he'll resist your suggestion and make up excuses as to why he wants to go alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Better idea...since she apparently lives much closer to your house than to the salon, have her come over to YOUR place to cut his hair from now on. Simple idea, easily executed. Nothing to grabbing scissors, clippers, and a blow dryer (if you don't have one already). If you get a lot of flack about that idea, boot his butt out because he's not going there for the haircuts! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Go with him next time he's getting a haircut. Owl's idea is also good. Btw, if I were cutting a friend's hair, or anyone's hair I'd get pissed if I had to stop working because he has to pick up the phone - expecially if I were doing it for free. To answer the phone while someone is cutting your hair is, IMO, quite rude. Link to post Share on other sites
relention Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 i personally think that you have nothing to worry about, i think that you re being paranoid, i think this as i am also paranoid and nothing has EVER been made out of it. Also what is wrong with him going to her house? maybe he likes her company? guys can have FEMALE friends without it being something more! If you have been with him for 4 years and you wo are ok together dont worry about it, although if hes acting different or strange then start to wander why? if not you are being over paranoid! Dont stop him from going to get his hair cut at hers, thats not fair on him if he is doing nothing wrong. Good luck, and dont forget that hes with you and not her, he loves you im sure, and if he didnt want to be with you im sure he would of told you! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Relention- You're totally right...guys can have female friends. But his relationship with his spouse or girlfriend should always be the top priority...and if she's not comfortable with it, it's his responsibility to either make her comfortable with it, or end the friendship. Just as it would be HER responsibility if the situation were reveresed. If you don't know the risks of opposite sex friends to a relationship or marriage, then you've never been involved with someone in that situation. My wife had an online emotional affair that almost ended our marriage...BECAUSE she had opposite sex friends that emotionally began replacing me. She didn't have the right boundaries...and couldn't understand what those risks were. Think about it...a friendship is fine...as long as it doesn't interfere with your primary relationship. If it does...then one of the two need to end or change to no longer be a threat...pretty simple stuff. It ain't rocket science...I know...I used to work on rockets! Link to post Share on other sites
relention Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 i understand your point, but in this situation shes being unfair. Someone who is being paranoid and jealous and basically your saying that he should choose between his girlfriend and his friend, which basically isnt fair, just because his girlfriend is paranoid? I know exactly how the girl feels but i can still understand it from the other side. I know that its paranoia, it is when it comes to me anyways!!! People react in different ways to different situations, maybe he is having an affair, maybe he isnt, but put it down to this, do you belive in your boyfriend and do you honestly trust him? think past your paranoid thoughts and think what your heart really feels, this helps me with alot of things...i know that my boyfriend would never cheat on me but i am always paranoid that he will have feelings for someone else.......what i do is just look to my heart, it answers everything for you..... sorry to hear about your wife owl, but everyones different and reasct different ways, maybe her boyfriend is different Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 I take your point. But I've also got to point out...I would have said I would never ever believe that my wife would cheat on me either....up to the DAY I found her IM's to the other guy. Even then, I would never had thought it would have gotten to the point that she would consider leaving me...until he bought her plane tickets and packed. I would never have believed any of it was possible...up until the point it happened. My point is that she may NOT be acting paranoid either...she's getting some kind of signals that are telling her that something is wrong...from personal experience, as well as talking with a LOT of other people on this, those signals are rarely wrong. And again...if his relationship with his "barber" is interfering with his relationship with her....that is all the indication of a problem you need. Either he needs to work to reassure her, or end his friendship, or end his relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
relention Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 or maybe she needs to learn to trust him......If you honestly love your boyfriend and belive in ur heart he loves you then you just gotta trust him. I can again uderstand what your saying owl due to the fact of what happened to you but not everyone is like that..... Some people are genuine, ALOT of people are genuine, its not fair on them..... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 And I see your point as well, Relention. I guess I just feel that if he's got nothing to hide, he'd have no issue agreeing to what she's asking. Especially if it will make her feel better about their relationship. Guess I'll make my last comment with a phrase that I learned in the Army as a Sgt, and heard repeated by my marriage counselor... "Trust....but verify." Link to post Share on other sites
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