littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 and i have told him it's over but i still feel this strong sense of connection, longing and love for him. christmas is a hard time to get over a man. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 He's a fool. What you offer that he allows to go to waste is more valuable than anything else I can think of. I'd like to know there was a girl who loved me and wished she could be with me this Christmas Eve. I guess by dedicating your love to him, you're wasting it, too. Maybe you should value it more yourself. Maybe there is a guy out there who is truly worthy of it and would use it wisely. I hope you have a happy holiday in spite of him. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Are you the OW or the MW? If it's the former, sorry but I'm sure he's telling his wife how much he loves her, too.....while it's her he's spending Christmas eve with. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by indigo_moon Are you the OW or the MW? If it's the former, sorry but I'm sure he's telling his wife how much he loves her, too.....while it's her he's spending Christmas eve with. Littleflowerpot, the holidays are probably one of the most depressing times of the year for quite a few people. That and frigging valentines day. I am guessing that you and your MM still in contact-what's the deal with him and the girlfriend now? I should try my own advice out sometime but aren't you too good to be still talking to this guy? Moderator's Note: Limit yourself to responding to original poster's situation, instead of editorial remarks about another poster's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 No time is easy separating emotionally from someone whom you loved and who loved you in return. Emotionally disentangling from a lover is a long, convoluted process--one rife with fits and starts of the "one step forward, two steps backward" variety. This emotional unraveling is true in any deep and loving relationship--whether traditional or outlaw. Sometimes you never manage to completely separate until years later when you're emotionally involved with someone else. Every relationship has risks but none so fraught as with a MW or MM. Usually, the OW or OM borrows another person's spouse for a while. The wayward spouse almost always returns to hubby or wifey, and all the OM or OW have left are the bittersweet memories of a transcendent relationship gone sour. Such are love's risks, rewards and loss. lfp, I hope that 2005 is a time for healing and regeneration for you. I suspect you'll do just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I think you'd do even better if you were serious about it being over LFP-continuing to be "friends" with this person will only torture you-and you risk falling back into the relationship...... Nolite te bastardes carborundorum Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by immoralist No time is easy separating emotionally from someone whom you loved and who loved you in return. Emotionally disentangling from a lover is a long, convoluted process--one rife with fits and starts of the "one step forward, two steps backward" variety. This emotional unraveling is true in any deep and loving relationship--whether traditional or outlaw. Sometimes you never manage to completely separate until years later when you're emotionally involved with someone else. Every relationship has risks but none so fraught as with a MW or MM. Usually, the OW or OM borrows another person's spouse for a while. The wayward spouse almost always returns to hubby or wifey, and all the OM or OW have left are the bittersweet memories of a transcendent relationship gone sour. Such are love's risks, rewards and loss. lfp, I hope that 2005 is a time for healing and regeneration for you. I suspect you'll do just fine. thanks, sinner. i think i'll get through just fine too. just gotta go through the heartaches until they're over. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Anyways, I still think you need to stop hearing him say "I LOVE you" to move on LFP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock I think you'd do even better if you were serious about it being over LFP-continuing to be "friends" with this person will only torture you-and you risk falling back into the relationship...... Nolite te bastardes carborundorum i don't want to be his "friend" anymore. that's what we do when we love someone and don't want to lose them completely but after awhile we realize that it's too painful and we can't do it. and in an earlier post you asked about the situation with his girlfriend he and the gf broke up a little over a month ago. since, she's found out about me. but for me, it's too little too late. he's been emailing me several times a day and calling every morning before i leave for work and calling me at work. yes, i know i shouldn't take his calls (and most of them i don't answer) but i still have deep feelings for him and i feel bad to completely ignore him. i know this is what i should do but there it is. he's telling me and anyone that will listen that he loves me. but i know that i will always in my heart and in the back of my mind feel as if i were second best and not loved as deeply as i loved him. and anything less than all is not acceptable for me anymore. but spock was correct in realizing that my thread was meant to talk about the loneliness and sadness for the OW and the OM at this time of year. i don't care who judges it and thinks we deserve it. i don't care if they might even be right about some of us. because none of that sh*t makes our heart feel any lighter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Anyways, I still think you need to stop hearing him say "I LOVE you" to move on LFP. i know. i just wished i really believed it. i wish things were different. and yes, i need to do something about distancing us more but today i'm just focusing on how it hurts. some people think that's a negative way to think but to me, i think it's helpful. the more we let realization hit us, the more we no longer will accept being second best. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 It DOES suck LFP especially when he's talking crap to you now-I do think you're doing the right thing by not continuing the relationship simply because if he had loved you as much as he said he had he would have left her, before she found out. The fact that he didn't makes his words hollow. He's lost one good thing and he's trying to get you back-because of his actions he's lost BOTH. The holidays are a poopy, poopy time. I'm stuck at work, otherwise I'd be doing my darndest to suck back as many paralizers as I could at friends. Just let the negative stuff slide, you can tell when someone is posting to inflict opinion and when someone is posting because they understand. I'm dealing with my own crapola at the moment-I recognize and understand your feelings. But I still do think that you won't be able to let GO of those feelings unless you tell him unconditionally that it is over and you don't want to hear from him any more. I truly think that any chance of a valid relationship you both had was destroyed when his girlfriend found out-because it revealed him to be a big turd, in my mind. It's EASY for him to pour it on now that he's lost her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock It DOES suck LFP especially when he's talking crap to you now-I do think you're doing the right thing by not continuing the relationship simply because if he had loved you as much as he said he had he would have left her, before she found out. The fact that he didn't makes his words hollow. He's lost one good thing and he's trying to get you back-because of his actions he's lost BOTH. The holidays are a poopy, poopy time. I'm stuck at work, otherwise I'd be doing my darndest to suck back as many paralizers as I could at friends. Just let the negative stuff slide, you can tell when someone is posting to inflict opinion and when someone is posting because they understand. I'm dealing with my own crapola at the moment-I recognize and understand your feelings. But I still do think that you won't be able to let GO of those feelings unless you tell him unconditionally that it is over and you don't want to hear from him any more. I truly think that any chance of a valid relationship you both had was destroyed when his girlfriend found out-because it revealed him to be a big turd, in my mind. It's EASY for him to pour it on now that he's lost her. *slight correction: they broke up before she found out about me. she found out after. and for the haters, i broke it off with him about six months ago when i came to understand that no matter how much you love someone, it was still wrong and i didn't want to further lower my sense of self by being content to be second best anymore. so she didn't leave him because of me and i didn't hang on until she found out. i tried to do the right thing and he tried to keep me for the six months since i broke it off and in the past month since he's been single, he's stepped it up quite a few notches. but none of that will do anymore. even if i believed he loved me (and i do think that he loves me but not enough), i would never be able to trust him or trust that he loved me the way i need to be loved. sorry you have to work. man, that sucks. and i've read your situation. you come across as strong when you talk to us about our situations but i also sense a vulnerability in you. i hope you and i both can come to love ourselves enough in the next year to realize we are NEVER second best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 actually a man (and a woman) can love an infinite number of people. it might not be the same types of love (there are several and i can't remember all the names right now but they are greek or something), but they still have the capacity to love many people. that doesn't mean he (or she) should act upon it. sorry if you think you didn't come off as judgemental but you did. maybe you think you were just being blunt but i didn't need that as i already know right from wrong and i already know what she and i both deserve - a whole lot more than what we got. what i was talking about was the pain and heartache at this time of the year when so many others seem to have happy relationships and today is filled with happiness and love for them. i already KNOW they deserve it if they aren't cheating but that's certainly not the point. so heres me drinking a nice glass of champagne (yes, right now actually) to all the lonely girls and boys. we need love too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littleflowerpot Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 we come here to gain insight, talk with others in similar situations (NOT THE SAME but similar) and learn from that. we come here to try to help each other understand our issues and to stay strong and to fight the depression or pain or whatever else it is we're going through. if we needed to get smacked around for our numerous sins, we'd go to church. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 It is natural to feel the longing and sadness when you end a relationship. The fact that he is still telling you he loves you probably makes it worse. My advice - stop thinking about him and start thinking about you and what you want. REmember why you broke up with him and keep reminding yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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