Memento19 Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Hey Guys The title pretty much says it all. I've been dating a girl for a year and she's perfect. We both love each other very much. However, I met her after having having a horrible streak of hooking up with lots of girls. I eventually became ashamed of it and I regret going through that phase and I'm really appreciative of my current girlfriend. However, I have the urge to cheat and I hate it. Before anyone flips out, I am going to first say that I WILL NEVER DO IT. However, I'm ashamed of these feelings and want them to disappear so I can be the guy my girlfriend deserves. We both attend college and so everyone drinks and has fun from time to time. I'd say I'm of average attractiveness and so I am aware when a girl is interested in me. If she's a friend of a friend or close in my friends circle, I'll talk to her nonflirtngly and if she starts to flirt I'll end the interaction. However, I sometimes drink a little too much and if I get drunk I'll go along along with it. It's only happened a couple times. But if she gets too flirty or tries to initiate any physical interaction I'll back off. One time, though, I got too drunk and and an extremely attractive girl started talking to me. My friends tried to get me to hook up with her and I honestly almost did. I backed out at the last second though, feeling extremely ashamed of myself. I guess the problem is that I've been a single guy for too long and if I drink I feel like that again. But I refuse to cheat or let that situation happen again. Ever since that night, I've never drank again. I simply can't do something that horrible to my girlfriend. But when my friends and I drink, I can't exactly give them that reason because it sounds stupid. So I just say I feel sick. This is college, though and part of the fun is drinking with your friends and having harmless fun so this situation is an issue. But I really just want these feelings to go away. My girlfriend is beautiful and cheating has never even been a fleeting thought to her. I just want to have the same mindset somehow. I just need some good advice so I really appreciate any helpful posts. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Limit your drinking to times when you GF is with you, if you feel you need to. Find new friends. These guys who encourage you to cheat on your gf are jack-wagons. Sorry to be brutal, but you are clearly and/or far from mature enough to have a LT relationship. I suspect this relationship will be a stepping stone to another and another and another....you've got some growing up to do. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Memento: You are in college. Why do you have a serious girlfriend? You have your entire life to do that...why not find yourself and date casually? I will never understand why people pair up so young when their brain isn't even completely developed yet. Yes, it is good that you are faithful, but to what cost are you playing house when you should be figuring out who you are/ what you want. If you are determined to be in a serious steady relationship, stop drinking and hanging out with your friends or you will eventually screw up. Why the rush to pair bond? G Link to post Share on other sites
Author Memento19 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 EDIT: I'm in a graduate college lol I'm 26 and she's 25. Not quite so young. And it's slim pickings in grad school with friends, you basically get what you get. They don't control me though, I have a mind of my own. And drinking is limited to once every week or two weeks, I promise I'm not an alcoholic. Just social during free time. And thanks for the responses! Much appreciated guys Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 EDIT: I'm in a graduate college lol I'm 26 and she's 25. Not quite so young. And it's slim pickings in grad school with friends, you basically get what you get. They don't control me though, I have a mind of my own. And drinking is limited to once every week or two weeks, I promise I'm not an alcoholic. Just social during free time. And thanks for the responses! Much appreciated guys Whoops...I just didn't have time for partying during graduate school so I was convinced you were in undergraduate. Obviously, alcohol lowers inhibitions so you want to fall back into old habits, which is what binge drinking and hooking up was to you. Honestly, you really have to make sure you are as anti-social to girls as you can possibly be. If you must party and be social with your friends in a drinking, partying atmosphere, be prepared. Go into partying with your friends as something you do to be with them, but all contact from any girl should be met with indifference. Be kind, but distant and make sure your friends know that you will not be happy if they try to set you up. I would mention my gf/fiancé/wife within the first two minutes of a girl acting interested in me. Nothing turns a girl off more than talking about how awesome your girl is. Make that your new habit. Don't put yourself in situations where you are alone or even close physically to girls either. Be aware and be prepared for flirtation. Think of how you would feel if your gf was doing what you are doing....yeah, you wouldn't like it much, huh? Sorry for the misunderstanding, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 You could masturbate a lot to porn, that helps Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Limit your drinking to times when you GF is with you, if you feel you need to. Find new friends. These guys who encourage you to cheat on your gf are jack-wagons. Sorry to be brutal, but you are clearly and/or far from mature enough to have a LT relationship. I suspect this relationship will be a stepping stone to another and another and another....you've got some growing up to do. Good luck. This is exactly what I have written. So I guess I'll just +1 it. Don't surround yourself with people who encourage you to cheat. And if your urge to cheat is so great it's becoming difficult to ignore, you're with the wrong woman. Now, I'm not going to say feeling attracted to someone else when you're out with friends is abnormal... it's not. It's happened to me and I'm very happily partnered up. But what is problematic is that you haven't learned to shut that kind of thing down; you entertain the urges, telling your friends about them and seeking encouragement to cheat... that's not good. If you love the woman, learn to shut down these impulses. That is what separates the men from the boys, so to speak. I think staying away from environments/females you want to cheat with is an appropriate start... until you learn to contain your base impulses better. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I don't really know man any time I was in a relationship with a girl I loved, cheating wasn't even on my mind. Is it possible you dont love your girl as much as you think you do but are more so in love with the IDEA of what you have? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Memento: You are in college. Why do you have a serious girlfriend? I have to admit I do find sentiments like this odd. I am not saying college can't be a fun time to explore and date more then one person, etc. However, I also feel that you can't control when you meet your soul mate. So my question would be what if you are 20 years old and you meet your soul mate. Should you risk losing this person just so you can go sexually explore with others? For me I think once you graduate high school you are never too young for a serious relationship if you meet someone you truly connect with. For me, having a really strong connection with one person would be more fulfilling then simply having some casual relationships with multiple people. Basically, if you get the opportunity and you wanna have casual flings, do so. But if you meet someone great I also wouldn't avoid a relationship merely because you feel you haven't met your quota of other dates yet. Of course for this specific guy I feel he doesn't belong in a relationship, I'm more just talking in general. I have some friends who were basically each others first real love, they got married when they were 20 and here they are 12 years later still together. I have asked them before if they ever regret getting tied down too soon, not really having many other sexual partners, etc. and they said it didn't bother them or make them feel like they had missed out on anything. Edited November 21, 2013 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 If she was your soul mate (which I doubt even truly exists) then you wouldn't want to explore other options. Link to post Share on other sites
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