Never Ending Cycle of Broken NC

[Froelich87]

Haha, yeah all of these oppinions have been very informative. I've posted a few threads about my ex.

Long story short, 3 year relationship, 1 1/2 long distance. Moved 4 hours away to finish college and be with her (January)

 

She said it feels more like a friendship than a relationship. We split. It wasn't a nasty breakup. Both hugged tightly and wished each other the best.

 

I've been full blown NC since minus this and other indirect times. (Read other threads if intetested)

 

This I brought upon myself at the end of it all.

 

it started out Saturday. My bro had already had the convo. I knew it but didnt see what was said.

 

He held it in for awhile... then asked if I would ever take her back. I said no. (I was drunk and in the mindset that shes over me snd it will never happen, angry, etc.)

 

That was that. Until what brought me to this post today.

 

I found out that my thinking was wrong and the dumper in this case is hurting just as bad, misses me badly, im always on her mind.

 

I mean, it hit me. I started getting all excited. So the rest was on me.

 

I told him to strike up another convo with her to see if she was going to tell me how shes been feeling (w/o her knowing I know anything of the last convo)

 

That could have been a mistake... but I guess I have to learn the hard way if the results arent going to be what I want then to be...

 

It sucks that I indirectly took the control out of my hands b/c now Im frantically waiting for a response that isnt evenin a convo between her and I

[Froelich87]

She said that she hasnt stopped loving me... and misses me as a bf.

 

Before it was opposite.

 

?

 

I mean idk

[Simon Phoenix]

She said that she hasnt stopped loving me... and misses me as a bf.

 

Before it was opposite.

 

?

 

I mean idk

 

Unless she's saying that to you, it doesn't mean a thing. And even if she was saying it to you, it doesn't mean much more. Words are cheap.

And you really need to stop the conversation between your brother and her. That's literally one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Tell him to stop it now, please. That's just bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad (you get the point, NOW FU*KING STOP THAT CONVERSATION!). I mean, if I could beat you with a 2x4 right now I'd think about it, that's how stupid it is to have your brother doing this. Completely inappropriate.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Unless she's saying that to you, it doesn't mean a thing. And even if she was saying it to you, it doesn't mean much more. Words are cheap.

And you really need to stop the conversation between your brother and her. That's literally one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Tell him to stop it now, please. That's just bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad (you get the point, NOW FU*KING STOP THAT CONVERSATION!). I mean, if I could beat you with a 2x4 right now I'd think about it, that's how stupid it is to have your brother doing this. Completely inappropriate.

 

See? Now you have TWO people telling you that words are cheap. Exactly what I was saying. It means nothing.

 

The brother thing is pretty awful too. WTF is that about? Are you in High School? Maybe sending a note across the class would be better haha.

 

Honestly dude, overthinking will KILL you.

[Froelich87]

Unless she's saying that to you, it doesn't mean a thing. And even if she was saying it to you, it doesn't mean much more. Words are cheap.

And you really need to stop the conversation between your brother and her. That's literally one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Tell him to stop it now, please. That's just bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad (you get the point, NOW FU*KING STOP THAT CONVERSATION!). I mean, if I could beat you with a 2x4 right now I'd think about it, that's how stupid it is to have your brother doing this. Completely inappropriate.

 

You're totally right dude. Wtf am I doing?

Trying to manipulate her into contacting me through my brother b/c she said all of the things that I want to hear in a message with him.

 

Is this really what this came to?

 

Jesus.

 

Part of me just wants her to contact me and tell me this herself so I can just be done with this false hope, true hope just everything that has been on my mind.

 

I feel like I wont get over this with knowing what I know now.

 

Something has to give.

Goddammit.

[2fargone]

Something has to give.

Goddammit.

 

 

 

And this sais it all. Something does not have to give, you have to let it go and allow it to be given...

[Froelich87]

And this sais it all. Something does not have to give, you have to let it go and allow it to be given...

 

That's amazing and inspirational.

 

Please elaborate for the sake of me hopefully getting some form of sleep tonight

[Simon Phoenix]

You're totally right dude. Wtf am I doing?

Trying to manipulate her into contacting me through my brother b/c she said all of the things that I want to hear in a message with him.

 

Is this really what this came to?

 

Jesus.

 

Part of me just wants her to contact me and tell me this herself so I can just be done with this false hope, true hope just everything that has been on my mind.

 

I feel like I wont get over this with knowing what I know now.

 

Something has to give.

Goddammit.

 

The only way that's going to happen is if you cease and desist this lame using your brother as a go-between man. I'm not big into the alpha/beta labeling thing, but this is about as beta as you can get. You aren't being a man right now.

[LadyM]

The truth is, the results already aren't what you want them to be. The most desired result is for her to have the maturity and depth of feeling for you that would have her urgently trying to contact you directly. Urgently trying to find real ways to make this relationship not just work, but flourish.

 

When she originally broke up with you, it wasn't something that occurred to her instantly. She thought about it long and hard. What I see now is a lonely girl who is trying to reach out in a "breadcrumb" type manner. She "misses" you because she is lonely. She thinks about "you" because there is no one new at the moment. Remember, she is the same girl who told you your relationship feels more like a "friendship."

 

It is VERY hard to resist when there is even a hint of the dumper wanting to try again. I know you will likely end up talking with her if that's what she wants. It's almost impossible not to, even with all the advice to the contrary.

 

Just keep in mind that she is most likely simply lonely and you are an easy target for a reunion. That is, until she tires of you again.

 

And if you think this current BU is painful, just you wait until it happens for a second time. It's excruciating.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You're totally right dude. Wtf am I doing?

Trying to manipulate her into contacting me through my brother b/c she said all of the things that I want to hear in a message with him.

 

Is this really what this came to?

 

Jesus.

 

Part of me just wants her to contact me and tell me this herself so I can just be done with this false hope, true hope just everything that has been on my mind.

 

I feel like I wont get over this with knowing what I know now.

 

Something has to give.

Goddammit.

 

Dont beat yourself up. We've all been there man. The better question is where do you go from here? Do you wallow in it or do you make yourself better. Life is short. WAY too short to be obsessed over this. She broke up with you so YOU contacting her is NOT a good idea....even if you are telling her off or whatever is on your mind. Be a ghost.

 

A LOT of us use NC because after a BU thats the BEST thing to do. Its used to HEAL and REGROUP. Do reconciliations happen? Yes of course! People here who are new dont like to use NC because they think it will push the ex away.

 

FIRST-The ex broke up with YOU. They PUSHED YOU AWAY.

SECOND-No one is healed from the Breakup. You and DEFIANTLY not her!

 

I just feel like she is feeling the loneliness currently and never addressed any problems from the breakup. Therefore, whats fixed? Going back to an already broken relationship.

 

Just stay pat man.

[Simon Phoenix]

The truth is, the results already aren't what you want them to be. The most desired result is for her to have the maturity and depth of feeling for you that would have her urgently trying to contact you directly. Urgently trying to find real ways to make this relationship not just work, but flourish.

 

When she originally broke up with you, it wasn't something that occurred to her instantly. She thought about it long and hard. What I see now is a lonely girl who is trying to reach out in a "breadcrumb" type manner. She "misses" you because she is lonely. She thinks about "you" because there is no one new at the moment. Remember, she is the same girl who told you your relationship feels more like a "friendship."

 

It is VERY hard to resist when there is even a hint of the dumper wanting to try again. I know you will likely end up talking with her if that's what she wants. It's almost impossible not to, even with all the advice to the contrary.

 

Just keep in mind that she is most likely simply lonely and you are an easy target for a reunion. That is, until she tires of you again.

 

And if you think this current BU is painful, just you wait until it happens for a second time. It's excruciating.

 

Yep, that's why it's important not to bite on that bait, no matter how tantalizing it looks. You need to put your foot down and let them know that it's not going to be that easy.

 

My sister had her boyfriend dump her three-plus years ago because he was feeling overwhelmed by everything. My sister was heartbroken, but she basically told him to f--k off, that if that's what he wanted, well, that's exactly what he was going to get. He tried getting back with her right away -- she ignored him. He kept throwing breadcrumbs, she ignored him. She dated someone else and just kept him out of her life.

 

A year later, long after he stopped the breadcrumbs, he got back in contact and told her that he'd be willing to do whatever it took because he missed her. She said "Oh really? Prove it." He did. They've been back together two-plus years, lived together for the last year, and are getting married this spring.

 

That never would have happened if my sister caved and took him back when he was feeling lonely right after the break. She took advantage of her time to meet other people, work on life without him, and once he realized that the only way to get her back was to clean up his act, he did.

 

This story isn't to give you hope of reconciliation. It's to give you a vision that if you actually stick to your guns and work toward being the best you can be, things will work out in the end.

[Froelich87]

Everyone of you are awesome.

 

I really hope my heart will listen to all of this advice. I know my mind will.

 

Time to put Swingers on and try to fsll asleep to it.

[Froelich87]

Yep, that's why it's important not to bite on that bait, no matter how tantalizing it looks. You need to put your foot down and let them know that it's not going to be that easy.

 

My sister had her boyfriend dump her three-plus years ago because he was feeling overwhelmed by everything. My sister was heartbroken, but she basically told him to f--k off, that if that's what he wanted, well, that's exactly what he was going to get. He tried getting back with her right away -- she ignored him. He kept throwing breadcrumbs, she ignored him. She dated someone else and just kept him out of her life.

 

A year later, long after he stopped the breadcrumbs, he got back in contact and told her that he'd be willing to do whatever it took because he missed her. She said "Oh really? Prove it." He did. They've been back together two-plus years, lived together for the last year, and are getting married this spring.

 

That never would have happened if my sister caved and took him back when he was feeling lonely right after the break. She took advantage of her time to meet other people, work on life without him, and once he realized that the only way to get her back was to clean up his act, he did.

 

This story isn't to give you hope of reconciliation. It's to give you a vision that if you actually stick to your guns and work toward being the best you can be, things will work out in the end.

 

Thank you for sharing that. Gave me goosebumps reading it.

 

I think its time for me to pick up exercising. Hell, I may go out this weekend and stay out the whole time.

[LadyM]

Yep, that's why it's important not to bite on that bait, no matter how tantalizing it looks. You need to put your foot down and let them know that it's not going to be that easy.

 

My sister had her boyfriend dump her three-plus years ago because he was feeling overwhelmed by everything. My sister was heartbroken, but she basically told him to f--k off, that if that's what he wanted, well, that's exactly what he was going to get. He tried getting back with her right away -- she ignored him. He kept throwing breadcrumbs, she ignored him. She dated someone else and just kept him out of her life.

 

A year later, long after he stopped the breadcrumbs, he got back in contact and told her that he'd be willing to do whatever it took because he missed her. She said "Oh really? Prove it." He did. They've been back together two-plus years, lived together for the last year, and are getting married this spring.

 

That never would have happened if my sister caved and took him back when he was feeling lonely right after the break. She took advantage of her time to meet other people, work on life without him, and once he realized that the only way to get her back was to clean up his act, he did.

 

This story isn't to give you hope of reconciliation. It's to give you a vision that if you actually stick to your guns and work toward being the best you can be, things will work out in the end.

 

What a great and inspirational true story! I love how your sister had the strength of mind and heart to stay away until her fella truly meant business. I know that most reconciliations don't end up like that, but I'm so happy it did for your sister. Wonderful!!

[xUnknown]

Yep, that's why it's important not to bite on that bait, no matter how tantalizing it looks. You need to put your foot down and let them know that it's not going to be that easy.

 

My sister had her boyfriend dump her three-plus years ago because he was feeling overwhelmed by everything. My sister was heartbroken, but she basically told him to f--k off, that if that's what he wanted, well, that's exactly what he was going to get. He tried getting back with her right away -- she ignored him. He kept throwing breadcrumbs, she ignored him. She dated someone else and just kept him out of her life.

 

A year later, long after he stopped the breadcrumbs, he got back in contact and told her that he'd be willing to do whatever it took because he missed her. She said "Oh really? Prove it." He did. They've been back together two-plus years, lived together for the last year, and are getting married this spring.

 

That never would have happened if my sister caved and took him back when he was feeling lonely right after the break. She took advantage of her time to meet other people, work on life without him, and once he realized that the only way to get her back was to clean up his act, he did.

 

This story isn't to give you hope of reconciliation. It's to give you a vision that if you actually stick to your guns and work toward being the best you can be, things will work out in the end.

 

Love the story Lady M. I needed to hear that as well.

[Froelich87]

Well today sucks...

 

Barely got sleep.

 

I feel awful.

 

I feel like its day 1 all over again

[xUnknown]

Well today sucks...

 

Barely got sleep.

 

I feel awful.

 

I feel like its day 1 all over again

 

I hear ya man.. I'm still having good and bad days. I definitely feel like I'm in a relapse stage or something. Perhaps its because the reality of it all is setting in. Keep your chin up man. Don't see it as all over again, see it as, I've done this before, this time will be much easier because I'm experienced.

[Froelich87]

I hear ya man.. I'm still having good and bad days. I definitely feel like I'm in a relapse stage or something. Perhaps its because the reality of it all is setting in. Keep your chin up man. Don't see it as all over again, see it as, I've done this before, this time will be much easier because I'm experienced.

 

Thanks man.

 

I just looked way into everything last night and got my hopes up like most on here. I couldn't sleep because of it.

 

Come to find out... "I should be the one to contact her" lol what the actual f#ck!

 

Breadcrumbs. Breadcrumvs and more breadcrumbs.

 

I was delusional that a reach out and rec. Was going to happen... now I know that she is just as delusional as I am b/c she doesn't know what she wants.

 

man I have so many things that I want to say to her.

 

Shes using "I dont want anything to do w her " excuse...

 

I just want to be like I wonder why.. you did this you did that and you left me in a city 4 hours from my home completely shattered and torn

[xUnknown]

Thanks man.

 

I just looked way into everything last night and got my hopes up like most on here. I couldn't sleep because of it.

 

Come to find out... "I should be the one to contact her" lol what the actual f#ck!

 

Breadcrumbs. Breadcrumvs and more breadcrumbs.

 

I was delusional that a reach out and rec. Was going to happen... now I know that she is just as delusional as I am b/c she doesn't know what she wants.

 

man I have so many things that I want to say to her.

 

Shes using "I dont want anything to do w her " excuse...

 

I just want to be like I wonder why.. you did this you did that and you left me in a city 4 hours from my home completely shattered and torn

 

She said you should be the one to contact her??

 

I feel like that's what my ex wants me to do since I was the one that declined remaining friends. We broke up amicably, it was definitely her to end it, but I agreed we should and made it a mutual thing.

[Froelich87]

Yeah, that's what she said.

 

That the last time NC was full out broken, I senr my bro to help her with her car instead of going myself.

So, she thinks that I want nothing to do with her. Lol

 

She went from saying she would beg for me back.. been wanting to contact me to she doesnt want me to think we would get back together. All of this was indirect.

 

However, she left me. How in the hell is it on me?

[Froelich87]

I guess thats her her narcissism and BPD kicking in. ?

[Froelich87]

My situation was sort of the same... even though we both are the dumpee.

 

How long were you with her and how long has it been?

[Armyguy123]

Hey read through my thread to get some more perspective and understand you are not alone at all in this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420941-got-dumped-out-blue-do-i-stand-chance-get-her-back I am going through the same exact s***. I like to put things into perspective when I am feeling down, I am a soldier and I like to think of the guys that are over there and go through this while getting shot at.

 

I know its hard and you want nothing more to hear those words "Im sorry I made a mistake".

 

Well guess what I did? 3 weeks ago she came creeping back into my life asking if she could prove to me she changed and to try things again. But! here's the kicker it was all about her, her loneliness, her wanting the companionship, NOT wanting me. OUT of no where just like my break up she left me again saying she feels confused. So my suggestion is to stay strong in complete no contact do no show her a single grain of emotion, it will toughen you up like nothing before. It will also become more attractive to not only her but other women; "this new found toughness and confidence"

 

Hey I have some strong days where I feel confident. I hit on a girl and things went well last night and I got her number, then woke up today and feel like crap and miss my ex a lot.

 

What you are going through is referred to as a life adjustment crisis. I'm going through the same thing after graduating college, becoming an adult, commissioning as an Army Officer and being in charge of soldiers that have been in the army longer than I've been alive, and on top of it losing my support system of my ex gf. The cycle will continue until you get used to the new adjustment and remove the source of the stress for a long duration of time; your ex.

 

No contact, girls at this age are emotional beings. Don't let them control you like that, I really feel they have no idea what they are doing to us guys in terms of putting our emotions through a paper shredder. Sorry women that's just my opinion.

 

(I'm in the same boat my man, its so much easier said than done)

[Froelich87]

Hey read through my thread to get some more perspective and understand you are not alone at all in this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420941-got-dumped-out-blue-do-i-stand-chance-get-her-back I am going through the same exact s***. I like to put things into perspective when I am feeling down, I am a soldier and I like to think of the guys that are over there and go through this while getting shot at.

 

I know its hard and you want nothing more to hear those words "Im sorry I made a mistake".

 

Well guess what I did? 3 weeks ago she came creeping back into my life asking if she could prove to me she changed and to try things again. But! here's the kicker it was all about her, her loneliness, her wanting the companionship, NOT wanting me. OUT of no where just like my break up she left me again saying she feels confused. So my suggestion is to stay strong in complete no contact do no show her a single grain of emotion, it will toughen you up like nothing before. It will also become more attractive to not only her but other women; "this new found toughness and confidence"

 

Hey I have some strong days where I feel confident. I hit on a girl and things went well last night and I got her number, then woke up today and feel like crap and miss my ex a lot.

 

What you are going through is referred to as a life adjustment crisis. I'm going through the same thing after graduating college, becoming an adult, commissioning as an Army Officer and being in charge of soldiers that have been in the army longer than I've been alive, and on top of it losing my support system of my ex gf. The cycle will continue until you get used to the new adjustment and remove the source of the stress for a long duration of time; your ex.

 

No contact, girls at this age are emotional beings. Don't let them control you like that, I really feel they have no idea what they are doing to us guys in terms of putting our emotions through a paper shredder. Sorry women that's just my opinion.

 

(I'm in the same boat my man, its so much easier said than done)

 

Dude, thank you so much. It feels good to know that somebody is going through something very similar.

it's so hard to be strong after hearing all of things that I've been wanting to hear.

 

And yes, that's what I've been wondering. Is she sincere or is she just lonely?

 

A huge part of me wants to break NC to find out once and for all. It sounds really dumb masochistic but I feel like I won't be able to completely move on until I find this out. Im so tempted to break this for a face to face convo.

 

it sucks. I never wanted to be this guy on the threads that does everything the exact opposite. This sucks man.

[Armyguy123]

"it sucks. I never wanted to be this guy on the threads that does everything the exact opposite. This sucks man."

 

I think everyone does that. I did it, and hell I still might do it. Its a process.

 

Think of it as a war (without the actual violence but more as a struggle within your self), wars aren't won in a day, they are won with many battles with some victories and defeats. (progress and setbacks) Unless you use nuclear weapons (trying to solve it overnight with irrational decisions) than there is even more destruction than before and nothing is solved, just worse. Take your time buddy, I've learned it the hard way and many others here have. I am still struggling right now, but it is a little keyword being little easier now, and I feel better equipped to handle breadcrumbs and to detect sincerity.

 

I feel for ya.