Can we "connect" again? Any chance for getting back together?

[baffled111]

Ok, my gf just broke up with me on xmas eve. Now, we were only going out for 2 1/2 months so i know alot of people will be quick to dismiss what i say, but here it is. First off, I was my gf's first boyfriend. We are young she is 17 and I 16,(I know alot of fish in the sea, your still young, blah blah blah) She always said she would never date until after highschool and even then only after she had been friends with the person for a while

 

I met my gf as a blind date at her homecoming. We clicked instantly and started dating soon after. Everything was fine for about 2 months, actually, until she said she wanted to break-up i thaught everything was fine. She told me that she wasnt sure she wanted to be in a relationship and we argued to much (both things that can be worked on, and If i knew things were this bad i would have done everything i could to make it better) and mainly, she didnt feel that same connection the past few weeks. That feeling just wasnt their for her.

 

we would talk on the phone everyday for 5-6 hours (not straight) everyday since we met. I think this led to the arguments because we would run out of things to talk about. We didnt do enough to fill all that time everyday. So we would argue over little things that should just be laughed off or forgotten. She hates arguing over stupid stuff, she says she hates it more then if i were to cheat.

 

Once she finnally told me about these things(when she told me about breaking up) I suggested slowing down everything and talking maybe once a day or or something, not 5+ hours a day for sure(thats a whole lot of time). I'm pretty sure thats where the arguments came from because we never argued when we were physically together, almost literally never. i said if we argued less and tried to loosen up and concentrate on making it work, maybe it could.

 

She firmly said that she didnt think it would come back( "it", i believe, is that giddy, happy, nervous, anxious, unexplainable feeling when she knew she was gonna see me.) She said she still had some feelings for me, but not that strong that we should be in a relationship, she didnt want to "lead me on". She did however like me and have fun with me so she wants to still be friends. I agreed because i want to be with her and thats as close as i can get right now. She said she hadn't felt the same about our relationship for about 2 weeks.

 

Two questions: Do you think theirs any chance of us getting back together? I really like her and want to be with her. and Do you thing being "friends with benefits" (Not sex, were still young and sex is for marriage, just making out and stuff like that) would hurt chances of us getting back together?

 

Also, how soon is too soon to call her after our breakup? It's only been like 2 days, but i can't stand not talking to her. Should i wait a while longer anyway, just so she experiences what it's like without me??

 

It's not a purely physicall attraction i have. She's pretty, but realistically you could say their are better looking girls(many of my friends do), i dont think so though. Anyway. If we stay friends and dont get back together, would "benefits" be ok or just me torchering myself?

 

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read all this and respond. My main wuestion is about getting back together and when would it be ok to call her, maybe figure out when i can see her. I understand we're not dating anymore. The whole benefits thing is just secondary and don't read to much into it.

 

P.S. Dowsnt she have wonderful timeing? X-mas Eve she breaks up with me....On the phone!! SHe said she wanted to wait till after the holidays, but somehow our relationship came up and she told me...Oh, and it's really wierd, but i cried and was upset for a little while, but now im fine and just rreeaallllyy really miss her.

 

Merry Christmas

[Angelus666]

Hey I can relate to your story quite a bit. I have been dating my girlfriend for a while, and were both 17 and still in school. My first point to make is that you two spentway too much on the phone. As you said, this makes you both run out of things to talk about. Me and my gf, at our peak times, used to spend two hours on the phone, tops. If you really have 5 hours to talk to the girl, why not surprise her with a visit? Your probably too young to drive, but just get your folks to drive you over. Spend some quality time with her. Hang out, make her laugh, maybe bring her a rose or something romantic.

 

Woah, listen to myself, your not dating her...yet. Yeah, I think you have a chance. What you have is a girl who is unsure of her feelings, and afriad of commitment. There are lots of those kind of girls. I think your best bet would be to play it slow, and if you play your cards right, she will see how great of a guy you are.

 

There are three possible answers to your 2nd question. If I were you, I would call her now, seeing as how its been a couple of days, its given her time to think things through and cool off. Good thing you didnt call right away, that could have caused alot of arguments.

 

Oh, and the benefits thing. NOT A GOOD IDEA. As much as I'm a guy, who also likes women, respect her. Shes a human being and does not want her body to be used. Therefore, friends only means no touchy. Good thing the "benifits" secondary.

 

I would call her soon.

 

Oh and on a sympathy note: My first serious relationship ended after three weeks in person. In my friends basement, at a party, we were in a quiet room and she dumped me. I cried right in front of her, so dont feel bad about crying. I dont care how macho women think men are, Im 17 and I will cry if my first love dumps me.

 

Best of luck.

[baffled111]

Hey, thanks alot. I know 5 hours was alot of time, it would be like 1 after school, 1 after doing homework, and 3 at night. But it definately was way too much talking. I think those arguments definately led to her losing that "feeling". I haven't called yet, but I'm going to tonight. I'll probably try to set up a day to get together, maybe with other friends too, and do something, not sure if a movies a good idea or not. I guess i've just got to take it slow like you said and show her that i'm really a great guy. If you've got any more advice i'd be more then happy to hear it. Thanks again

[Puma]

i know u not not gonna want to hear this BUT its important..UR YOUNG. things are just different for your age, relationships especially...u are beginning to set up ur standards and what to look for in a girl. this break up will help you realize what to do and what not to do...we all have to go throughheartbreak tofind ourselves it seems..however just cause ur young doesnt mean u have feelings so i will tell you that u do have a chance.everyone does..nothin is impossible. you really did talk a lot..andthat usually happens a lot in young relationships. if youreally dont have anythin important to talk about..then keep phone conversations to a minimum...so many times i laugh when couples call each other and just watch tv together over the phone.the way i see it is that unless u really have somethin totalk about that cant wait..then dont call, that goes viceversa. reallyt..i dont recommend callin right away..let her guess why u havent called her. iwould say wait over a week at least..but if u feeel u cancall her and she will be coo with you, then go ahead...and just be happy about it..pretend u dont care that u broek up. dont mention the two of you, keep the conversation short and tryto leave it at a good note...like ifyoumake her laugh then be like"oh gotta go now, nice talkin to you thanks, take care". and she will feel good aftertalkin to you..thats what u want!!g luck

[YssaBoo]

Wow..alot of us out there who went through this...go back and read some of my posts...You are not alone...My bf took me to Krogers and dumped me in the meat aisle the week before Valentines day of this year...that hurt!!!came out of the blue...I was told his mom made him do it..To this day I still hate her and there aren't very many people out there that I hate...

 

We still stayed friends until May and there was a falling out and didn't speak for 5 months..now 2 weeks before my 18th bday...we started talking again...I do date..but I still want him so bad,..but life goes on...Read my last post and see what you think and reply to this or email me...I would like to have a guys opinion on how my ex is treating me...and maybe I can help you out too...ttyl

[mixwell]

baffled i am in your situaction only i have been with my ex for 7 years and it s a little diff story. i would recommend you download this ebook on "how to get your ex back."

 

Now you asked when is too soon too soon to call her ?? let me tell you something buddy.. you dont call her thats when it is too soon.. she broke up with you so giver her space.. so rather than try to explain it you need to just download this ebook and read it.. seriously follow what it says. It gives you a lot of knowledge on why things are the way they are and all that.. so read it. its going to tell you to not contact your ex for 1 month and only talk to them when they call you.. i know sounds impossible. Try being with a girl for 7 years, talking about everyday and everything and not call.. im only 21 so im still young too.. anyways read the ebook it will help you !!!!

 

Good luck bro !

[baffled111]

once again, i'd like to thank everyone who has replied. i'm really tired right now, but i think my brain might be able to work enough to have my fingers type a question.

 

Do you think calling within the next 1-2 days is ok? It's really hard for me to go without talking to her and when we broke up, she said that she had alot of fun with me and she liked me, the problem was that "that feeling" was gone. we really had an amazing relationship for a while, it was a thing to be envied. She still wanted to be friends. So i think whenever i called her, she would be cool with that. Knowing her and what she said to me, the longer i wait the more she will miss me and the happier she will be to hear from me when i finally call, but the more i torture myself by not talking to her.

 

Mainly i think "the feeling" went away for her because we argued to much over stupid things which she, let me emphasize this, rreeaallllyy hates. Maybe i'm thinking way to optomistically here, but i think if i just call her and we start just being friends and talking a few times a week, maybe hang out together on weekends, dont argue with her, make her laugh and feel happy, and leave her with a good, positive feeling everytime i go, that it will come back, i dont think it ever really left.

 

I don't exactly know what im saying right now, im extremly tired and i already rewrote this post 3 times, each time saying a totally different thing.

 

But let me say that breaking up has really helped me to realize just how important she was to me, that successful relationships take work, and that im a fool for ever arguing with her at all. If we were to get back together, well first off we wouldnt talk 5 hours a day, but even if we did id make a conscious effort not to argue with her and...basicly i wouldnt fall into a routine, i would make sure to show her all the time how much she means to me, i would do everything to make it so i wouldnt lose her again. I like making her happy, i love when she's happy. I'd make har laugh and smile all the time, and i would let things go easier, why worry about those little things, all that matters is that we would be together. The best part is that all of its true, its easy to say, but i care about her too much to ever make her even doubt our relationship again..Now if only i could get back into a relationship with her...

 

and now im really tired, i actually fell asleep half way through this thinking about what to write. i dont see any cause for "the feeling" to go away except the arguing, and believe me, i've been over this a million times in my head, this is the only thing that makes sense, and im really sorry i ever did it., but...i must sleep...must...sle...ep........

[mixwell]

Im telling you man do not call her !! If she is used to you calling her all the time and all the sudden you dont call her that will get to her more than you trying to explain yourself to her.

 

Please read this ebook man ! It will explain to you. I know you want to call.. This is only my 3rd day of not calling my ex and it sucks but after reading it i know why i must stand by it. PLEASE JUST DOWNLOAD THE EBOOK AND READ IT ! It will answer ANY questions you might have and let you know why you are acting the way you are !! TRUST ME on this one !! Do yourself a favor

 

http://www.geocities.com/planetasia77/GetYourExBack.pdf

 

I know it sucks and you just want to explain to her this and that I'm in the same situation and no offense but I have been with my ex for 7 years. You think it isn't hard on me to understand why we broke up. Well I know we did because i moved far away and she was hurt but now i have moved back and things are still the way they are. But regardless please at least read it. If anything else it will inform you even if you dont do anything it says you'll have a better understanding !! so this is all im going to post. If you want answers please read this ebook !! its sort of long so you might want to print it out i dont know but just DO IT for yourself and for your ex. Im struggling to just know that im going through the same ish with you bro !!

 

Sometimes it actually does make you realize what you lost when you break up. I have broken up with my ex in the past only to find out that wasn't really what I wanted. So its a learning process I guess. But this time it wasn't me that decided to end it but i can understand her not wanting to stay together. After all i was 1/2 across the US so its pointless. Only thing is that now im back she still acts like she dont want anything. Im thinking shes just still hurt by it and needs some time to get over it hence me not contacting her !

 

I know you don't want to hear people say dont call but EVERYONE i talked to about it told me the same thing "Dont call her" I didnt like the idea but after reading the ebook I can understand more on why not to..

 

You'll get through this man. I know yer young as well as i am but parents and elders have been there and they DO know what they're talking about so listen to them.. maybe even ask your mom or dad what they think. Talking about it might help ease your mind and heart..

 

STAY STRONG !!

[strange love]

Ok at this point its jeez 5 am. I am somewhat bored, so I thought I would add my advice.

 

Ok no contact is an alright way to go cause well she needs som space and so do you. And the best thing to do is when someone wants something you give it to them.

 

Your pretty youngs o theres lots to do, life still has that sense of wonder, I dont see why you should have any trouble filling your time up.

I think maybe you should learn about women as well. IE get a book. Hang out with older women. Make online femal friends then you can talk with them and listen to them bitch about their men or lack of. And you will be begin to understand more female needs and wants etc.. (care and feeding of).

 

You mentioned nothing to talk about ... hmm I have an idea. Learn about things. Get books.. Get a new hobby etc.. start a bussiness etc.. Then you will have something more to chat about.

 

The chatting thing is good though dude remember women develop intimacy throught talking with men its physical, you just need to be more of a conversationalist, and cut down the time. Women want you more when you arent around so much, want proof? check out all the posts by females on here?

 

In any case a couple days even a week or 2 is no big deal liittle dude try 6 weeks or 4 months or a year.

[mixwell]

good post. I agree your still young and you shouldn't commit to one person. I'm only 21 and i still hear this but you know what I have decided that i don't want to do that so I wont even tell you to date other people and your still young etc other fish in the see because im not going to be a hypocrite.. If you do call her though just dont bring up the relationship. Be happy when you talk to her and let her know that you are doing well and sound excited about life. By calling her and wanting to talk about it your pushing her away (as described in more detail in the ebook on the previous post) I have also went to the extreme of buying another ebook on what women want (written by a woman) so i have paid $24 for how to get my ex back $18 on what women want, and another $18 on how to get your ex back written by the same person that wrote what women want. I dont mind spending the money to gain knowledge. so the previous ebook and this one im about to hook you up with on "what women want" is $42 outta my pocket and $0 out of yours. Please at least read them..

 

The what woman want is more or less like different personas (images) woman can act like and why they do and what they want out of these. Its pretty interesting and I think you might get a kick out of it. Im new at all this too and I just read 3 ebooks this past week to get a better understanding on it. so do like the previous post and get a book to read so you have something to do and get some more experience under your belt.

 

here is the link.

 

http://www.geocities.com/planetasia77/WhatWomenWant.pdf

 

 

I swear this is the last post on this thread !!! haha good luck !

[baffled111]

OK, mixwell, sorry about this, that should by all rights have been the last post. I read that stuff you sent me and it all really makes a lot of sense, BUT, I NC has two purposes: 1)to try and get over your ex (which I really dont want to do) and 2)to try and get your ex to realize she made a mistake/feel sorry for what they did/want to get back together or whatever. The thing that i kinda ralized is that, while NC seems like it could be really effective, alot of people here swear by it, it's not gonna work in every situation as well as other methods do.

 

I think that, knowing my ex, if i dont call her for 2 or 3 weeks or a month or longer, instead of her calling me because she wants to get back with me, she will instead feel that i am mad or upset at her or dont like her at all after the breakup.(remember we get along very well, even during the breakup, and we both still wanted to be good friends at least. Notice the good. Not just friends, good friends) I really dont think that making her upset is what i want to do, i hate when she's sad and if she thinks i hate her she will definately be sad.

 

Thats why i kinda dont think a long period of nc is good here. I do however have this dilema instead. Do i call her this week(following all of the "guidlines" for a first convo after NC: no history, be happy, keep it short, etc) or wait till maybe mid next week, when she has been back in school and has been talking to all her friends(or at least some of them) about our breakup and getting there input, to call her? Or is the 1 moth or more of NC still the way to go??

 

Since it was a really smooth breakup and she still wanted to be...well basicly she told me that she wanted to:

be good friends, see how that goes and then possibly, no garuntees at all, get back together. And that she wasnt like, planning on getting back together after a certain amount of time being friends, but it was still a possibility. I think that calling her sooner and seeing how that goes is a better idea.

 

Oh and, I mean, if it doesnt work out this way there is still a chance i could try NC later, maybe. But i think calling her sooner is the way to go. Opinions, insight, help, or experience anyone??

[mixwell]

i know its hard and you know what sometimes i feel like the NC isnt the way to go and I do feel like my ex would forget me but thats rarely the case. It just means basically to give them some space. I mean i dont know your situation completly. But the ebook wasnt just on how to forget them. it was on how to get them back, but it does say that if you don't get back then at least you'll be over it a little more. I know NC is tough and even if you are getting along just gradually stop calling. just tell her maybe this "i know your going through a lot and you need time to think and i dont want to bother you" trust me if she misses you and cares about you she will call. If she doesnt call you then that should tell you that she is no longer interested. So I dont know I've actually broken the NC because I gave in but i really wish I hadn't have. So its your call. You know all the info so its up to you.

[baffled111]

Hey, i guess i didn't need to ask that last question...we were both on AIM and she instant messaged me after like 20 min of being online. She was like 'i hope it's not too soon, you dont have to im me back, ill ttyl, bye'. I was just like, whoa, slow down a sec, hi...we talked for like 25 min and i made her laugh a few times...well...i think so...you cant really tell for sure with AIM...i could type "lol" anytime i want, even if im not laughing!...but yeah...lol...anyway...i'll probably call her new year's eve around midnight next, im goin to see a movie tomorrow with some friends and she's going to the boy's and girl's club, so we both have excuses not to talk.

 

So...now that things are started i'll keep it real slow for a while, give it some time before i ask her to go someplace with me, maybe with me and some friends first...Anyway, i'd like to thank all of you for the advice you gave and everything. Yall been alot of help...(did i just say 'yall'? that's not even how you would spell it...)anyway thanks alot, especially you mixwell. Anyway, thanks alot, merry christmas, and happy new year

[mixwell]

no problem baffled.. i actually might hang out wit my ex tomorrow... check this out thogh if you have time baffled. its something i went through today.. here is my post..

 

i dont get it. I talk to her and she thought i was being a prick on the voicemail i sent her, returning her call. Because I said I dont know why you called but you called. she takes the littlest things the wrong way. also she said how was she being a prick to me this past 1 1/2 weeks that she didn't even talk to me (I did the NC) So whats the deal. She complains about not talking to me but yet she doesn't really call me. Its like she wants me to call. she also got pissed because on xmas when she called i ened the convo short and said I had to go. So is NC working against me ? I think she didn't want to talk before or hang out because all I talked about was us. I said that i realized it wasn't the best thing and that I would be annoyed if she did that too. so maybe she was just being a bitch because all i talked about was us. I dont know. Anyways I asked if she wanted to do something tomorrow and she said maybe so i told her to just call me if she wants to hang out. So its almost seems like the NC thing has kinda worked already even though its been like 5 days of it. I dont know. How could I hint her in that Im not going to call her and to call me if she wants to talk ? Ive told her this before but like i said she was like "i haven't even talked to you in a while so how could I be a prick?" so whats going on here ? She also asked if i had hung out with this one female friend of mine and I said not in a while. She then said what about the other girl. And I was like what other girl and she was like oh nevermind. So i know shes all worried too and all that. She is a touchy person and I think she take the NC as im avoiding her. But i think mainly shes getting mad because shes not getting her little way anymore. So whats goin on ? anyone ?

 

Thanks !

 

I feel like we speak 2 diff languages. I speak English and she speaks alien or something. Geeeezzz.

 

 

See man im going through some ish too

 

haha glad i could help and i hope things work out with EVERYONE on this post that is having problems and thats for real !!

 

Peace and happy new years everyone !

[Puma]

hey guys..and mixwell for posting up ur ebooks links, helped me a bit ok now the no contact as u know is for both u and her. it allows u to move on and not let it hurt as much and it allows her to think of you if she cares for you the slightest. i know even if u two were very close it may seem like no contact is not the way, but i really think it is.shes basically told ya by breakin up with us that they not interested anymore..shouldnt ya tell them back ok coo thats ur decisison then i aint interested in being freinds either, at least not now??

 

if they get mad over that..LET THEM! why is it that everytime someone breaks ur heart they want to patch it up by sayin "but i still want to be friends, or i want you in my lie"??? ITS BS my friends, dont even let them have that, for now. allow some time to passs b4 u approach them for a friendship..dont give in right away and think things willbe coo..cause i know u would most likely still havefeelings of affection for her and its difficult to not want to call her nicknames, touch her, hug her, etc. so do no contact at least for awhile.

 

i also read this interesting site about what mistakes guys do wrong..i think its very useful i didnt buy the ebook that comes along with it but the site has great info itself so check it out. http://www.doubleyourdating.com

[mixwell]

haha thats funny you should post that link puma because i actually paid for that ebook.. ive read it. its interesting. I would suggest though looking a a P2P program (kazaa) and search under documents "double your dating" its on there. I actually downloaded it again from there because the one i bought, when you go to view it you have to like put in some PW. So you can find it for free on a P2P program.

 

So yeah

[Puma]

haha yeah ok coothanks then! will do..and ive used that advice b4 without even havin read anything just based on own experience and it does work. dont be a completedick..but somewhat of one and uwill see the outcome,, haha well got a date tonight actually catch ya later peeps