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Considering divorce/separation - but it's scary!


shouldistayinpa

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shouldistayinpa

Greetings all,

 

Here is my situation. I've been married for 20 years, with 3 teenage kids. Over the years, my spouse and I have evolved in different directions.

 

I am disorganized, somewhat sloppy, and etc. - the adult ADD poster child...

 

As my spouse has grown older s/he (I would prefer not to fully disclose my or my spouses gender at this stage) has become more rigid in his/her need for order.

 

That's set up a difficult dynamic in our relationship. Compound that with the fact that my spouse has become, to my mind, somewhat emotionally abusive to me and the kids when expectations of order are not met. S/he can be very bullying/intimidating when things are not going the way s/he wants them. It's created a fair amount of tension and anxiety in the household - not constantly, but when it's there, it's very unpleasant to live with.

 

I plan to suggest family therapy. I'm not sure if my spouse will go for it.... The thought of leaving is frightening, but I think it may be the best thing for me, and for the kids.... :(

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Have you thought about marriage counselling?

Makes sense. Compared to the spectrum of issues ranging from infidelity to physical abuse, the OP's problems seem fixable.

 

shouldistayinpa, why so quick - after 20 years invested - to walk away?

 

Mr. Lucky

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Welcome to LS :)

 

Why is considering divorce/separation scary? Examining fears is elemental to resolving them.

 

How's the sex?

 

Any affairs in either of your backgrounds? How about marriage counseling? Ever been? You mentioned family counseling, which is different, as the client is the family, which includes the children. MC is just for the spouses with the marriage as the client.

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