Confused...

[Sammy]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. I love him more than anything. I recently changed jobs and find myself surrounded by many good looking guys. My previous job was with mostly women so this is very new to me. Anyway... I find many of these guys attractive and one in particular I tell myself that if I was not in a relationship I would probably like to date this person. Now I find myself questioning our relationship and looking for things that are wrong because I think that I shouldn't be having these feelings if I have a good relationship. There is nothing wrong with our relationship and I love my boyfriend with all my heart. Why do I get these feelings when I'm around these other guys? Is this normal? I don't know what to do.

[Tony T]

Hey, you are young and you are a woman. More than likely, until the day you die you will be attracted to members of the opposite sex.

 

Attraction to people doesn't come to a halt when you are in a relationship or when you get married. Usually it tames down a bit for a certain period of time...but after a while it does come back and you start getting attracted to others again.

 

No matter when you settle down or who you settle down with, you will be attracted to others. You can go on forever, from one to the other.

 

At least you are being honest with yourself and others. You say you love your boyfriend more than anything...but you are still attracted to these other men. Yep...and it may be that way until you die.

 

So it's basically your call. But, one thing. If you haven't learned already, you can't judge people by their physical attraction or how nice they are to you initially. You really don't learn how people really are for a while. So don't think this initial attraction is a big call from upstairs that you have met another soulmate. It just means you are normal, with good vision, good hormone levels, etc. It doesn't mean you have to act on your desires.

 

Those chemicals that swirl around in our brain when we are attracted to someone are addicting...just like cocaine or any other narcotic. They make us feel good. So what you are responding to is that chemical rush. Take my word, it doesn't last forever...those chemicals neutralize...until you see someone else who inspires you.

 

So in deciding what you want to do, you have to consider the gamble you are taking by breaking up with a guy you love and know is good to pursue guys you are attracted to but who could end up to be jerks.

 

Ultimately, you will find a relationship you can be committed to and you won't consider making any moves no matter how attracted or tempted you are...unless, of course, you are inclined towards having affairs.

 

God Bless You!!!

[strawberry]

When im in that situation, i try to think of all the positive aspects in my relationship.

 

I also think of all the wandering std's out there, and it scares me and turns me right off to dating. That usually puts me in my place. At least you know you have a faithful man and you love each other. Its hard to find a faithful man these days.

 

It is normal to feel that way though, and look at sexy men. I do it all the time! I just dont touch.

 

On the other hand, you may still be young, dont limit yourself. If you feel that it is time you went your separate ways, maybe this is a good chance to play the field and see whats out there, just be careful!