Heatemyheart89 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Hello I am a 23 ( nearly 24) female and have been single for around 3 years. I have wanted a relationship throughout this time but havn't really even got close. I have been on nights out,days out, met friends of friends, gone to uni, tried online dating. Basically I am really miserable being single and I don't see my single status changing. I go to college now with people who are all older/taken. My friendship group consists of guys and one taken female. I did have female friends but we grew apart when they coupled up and had kids etc. I just feel really deflated and hopeless at the moment I don't get any chances to meet men and I am not picky or anything. I don't think I am hideous either. I honestly feel like there is something wrong with me and that I will be single forever. People at uni kept telling me this aswell as I was 2 years older than them. I feel like I will get looked down on if I don't couple up like everyone else. So my question is is there anyway to deal with these feelings? I really do feel I have reached the end of hope now. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Don't get your self esteem from what others may think of you. I was single for quite awhile between relationships and it was awesome. You don't need anyone but yourself to find happiness in this world. You'll actually find it easier to pick a better mate if you're happy being single and take a relationship as just another way to expand your personal happiness. Bottom line... stop worrying about finding a relationship and put your emphasis on getting to know people. If they happen to be a good match, great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mixeypixey Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 You should learn from someone who's good at getting guys... Sluts? Not...exactly... My ex was like that.. before I met her I was just fkin' around and I didn't care about feelings and what not.. But when she chased me.. I fell for her and I was like damn you're good at this.. I'm not sure how she did it.. but she's good at it.. It has nothing.. well not everything to do with looks either.. It's a skill for girls as much as it is for guys This might also sound kind of stupid.. but try chasing.. if not luring guys into sex.. and somehow more and more guys get drawn into you.. then you can pick the one you want for a relationship.. it's a chemical thing.. pheromones i think it's for girls.. it's science!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Yes it is possible to be single & happy but those people are single by choice. You are unhappy because you want something you don't have -- a relationship. If you want a relationship you need to broaden your circle. Join a new group. As a cute person from class if they want to study. Smile when you walk through the student union. Engage in other activities to meet new people: volunteer at church or for some other group that does something you care about; make an OLD profile; go speed dating . . . it doesn't matter so much what you do as long as you put yourself out there in a positive way. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
DrSimple Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Many people have this idea that a relationship is what makes them happy. This is a fallacy. A relationship will make you feel temporary happiness, but the moment it is dissolved you are left back where you started. To truly love another, you must first love yourself. You must be happy as an individual to allow another person to come in and compliment your life rather then be your saviour. Getting into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship can cause much worse problems then sadness. You will be blinded by your temporary happiness and can get deluded into overlooking faults in a partner that can be trouble. So first you must learn to be happy with your life, when you do you will be truly ready to accept a person into your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I have found that really, I am mostly happy with being single. In my life, the longest I have been without a relationship is current - about 9 months or so. However, there have been a lot of changes interrupting that time, including moving. What I found is that the time I was spending on "the guy" I can now spend doing the things I like to do. When in a relationship, I tend to be doing what the guy likes to do mostly and/or things we mutually like. But there are always those hobbies and activities your partner doesn't necessarily enjoy or that are solitary. When I was helping him or spending a lot of time doing massage or running errands with him, I wasn't doing as much of the things I like. Now I can and I find I enjoy my time much more. That said, I do miss sleeping with a man and having intimate bedtime talk. But it will happen again someday. The funny thing is, that and being with someone I trust is really all I require in a relationship now. The "trust" part was not really good in the last relationship and I find it is the part worth waiting for. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedguy81 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 have to be happy being single before you can be happy in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Yes it is possible to be single & happy but those people are single by choice. You are unhappy because you want something you don't have -- a relationship. I agree with this. The people I know that are really happy being single are the ones who are single by choice. It is important to be ok with being single of course, but if intimacy is something that is important to an individual, or having a family etc, then it makes sense that someone could feel unhappy/like something is missing while they are single. There is a lot to be said for being happy no matter what your situation is (including being single, in a relationship, current career etc), but that isn't reality for many people... Being contented no matter what is something people devote themselves to achieving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 have to be happy being single before you can be happy in a relationship. Well said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Single and thoroughly loving this sh*t. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 OP: At 23 you should enjoy being single and having fun. You are in uni and yet all you do is pine for a relationship? I loved casual dating, having fun, going out and being single at 23. I have no idea why people want to get tied down to relationships and serious commitments so early in life. I sowed all my wild oats so that I am now in a marriage for almost 20 great years, I don't feel like I missed anything. Enjoy life, and stop concentrating on the lack and appreciate what you have. Good luck, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 In my early to mid twenties I was obsessed with being in a relationship, to the point where I didn't make time for my own interests and hobbies. Around 25 I had a boyfriend that I could pose with for Facebook and "show off".... But we weren't really a match, plus I later realized I was still unfulfilled. What was really missing from my life was self-love. Looking back I feel like I wasted time on relationships that could have been used to develop myself. Now I'm 30 yrs young and single but not letting myself stress about it. I want to enjoy my life. OP, I suggest you do the same. Enjoy your life, read, travel, and do what makes you happy. A relationship will come when your not so focused on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) I don't really think so. Maybe some people can, for certain periods. I know I was in my early to mid 20's, but that's because I had tons of hobbies and interests and most of all free time and money to pursue them. Now I'm almost 30, and loneliness is prevailing. People claim you have to be happy with yourself first, but just take a look around you. MOST people are in relationships, and MOST people couldn't handle years and years of being single like I have. Don't tell me I have to be happy myself first. There's a reason solitary confinement is considered a punishment even inside a prison. Edited November 23, 2013 by NGC1300 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Im 26, and being single is just a need now, after two dissapointing relationships in a row. There are many choices out there, no need to hurry. Sometimes of course I have the fear I will end up alone, sometimes I feel I have lost a bit of faith in romantic relationships. But my much worse fear is feeling trapped, in a life with the wrong person. Link to post Share on other sites
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