A new romance.

[ken_25]

Hey I'm just trying to gain some perspective about a new relationship that has formed in my life. I'll appreciate any comments.

 

I met someone at my work in mid August. We do not work for the same company but I see her for about 10 minutes a day. She casually gave me her number in September and we exchanged a handful of texts over the next month or so, it was very casual. She was in a relationship that just hit their three year anniversary. Well on Halloween I randomly texted her while I was partying with friends and invited her down, she happened to be around with her friends and boyfriend. She was about to leave and sent me a text saying it was nice seeing you. I wrote back and she ended up saying we should get to know each other sometime, somehow. Now I've never went out on a date with someone who was in a relationship with another person, but we went out the very next night. We had an absolute blast! It went amazingly well.

 

We both felt the spark between us and saw each other a few days later. She came over to my place, we hung out for a couple hours, no sex but I did kiss her very gently and romantically before she left, and she loved it. We've gone out a couple more times and we always have a lot of fun. We're very much on the same level regarding many aspects of our personality. We complement each other very well, there's much physical attraction, we just click.

 

She ends up breaking things off with her boyfriend, which actually went somewhat smooth. She had explained to me already that she was very unhappy and with all the changes she's made in the last couple years, her relationship was kind of the last thing she needed to let go of. I never tried to break them up, I did try to tell her that she should communicate with him and make sure if she does leave him that she does it for the right reasons and not just because I came into her life. She said she's never done this before and will discuss everything with him soon. So anyway, they split and she's moving out.

 

Since then, we've gone out a couple more times and this past weekend she stayed with me Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. We had an amazing weekend, and I felt we made good progress in getting to know each other. I'm straight up falling in love with her and she is feeling the exact same way for me.

 

I've never had a connection this strong before. I had a connection that was really strong with my first love, when I was 19, but we weren't very compatible. That relationship lasted two years. I entered a relationship with someone that I didn't have a spark with but we lasted 3 1/2 years together and I ended up falling in love with her over time as well. We didn't last though, even after getting back together for another 8 months. Ending a near 4-1/2 years together. I'm 27 now, I'm quite level headed, but this new relationship is the first where I've felt a serious connection, was very compatible with and physically attracted to someone of this magnitude. The way we both have described how we feel, we came to the conclusion that we feel the exact same about each other.

 

So we haven't known each other very long, she's just now getting out of a unfulfilling three year relationship and now we're falling in love. Has anyone else encountered this? I'm treading in new water here and am just looking for some thoughts on this whole situation.

[salparadise]

Well, the fact that she is going straight from one relationship to the next without any time in between to heal and equilibrate, could be seen as, shall we say, less than optimal. But timing and circumstances sometimes choose us rather than us choosing them. I just hope it all works out for the best and the lack of time between relationships doesn't present a serious challenge down the road. My only advice would be to take it slow with eyes wide open.

[jphcbpa]

dont put her on a pedestal.

 

just know, based on her actions, in the future she could go right from you to another man quiet easily.

[ken_25]

Well, the fact that she is going straight from one relationship to the next without any time in between to heal and equilibrate, could be seen as, shall we say, less than optimal. But timing and circumstances sometimes choose us rather than us choosing them. I just hope it all works out for the best and the lack of time between relationships doesn't present a serious challenge down the road. My only advice would be to take it slow with eyes wide open.

 

Yeah that is a little unsettling for sure. Thanks for the advice.

[ken_25]

dont put her on a pedestal.

 

just know, based on her actions, in the future she could go right from you to another man quiet easily.

 

Trying not to but it's been incredibly difficult with her.

[d0nnivain]

If she was emotionally out of her previous relationship before she started dating you then you may not be the classic rebound.

 

Things seem to be going well & progressing nice. Don't over think it. At this point, the outer edge of your future ought to be whether you have a date for News Years Eve. Let it develop naturally.

[ken_25]

Thanks. She makes it sound like she emotionally checked out, even when they officially split, she was very happy, she said a weight lifted off her. It could of been an act but she seemed genuine.

[salparadise]

Thanks. She makes it sound like she emotionally checked out, even when they officially split, she was very happy, she said a weight lifted off her. It could of been an act but she seemed genuine.

 

Hmmm, perhaps it begs a look a little farther back. Did she spend some single time before her previous relationship or was it also a quick leap from one to another? And before that one, etc.? Also, I wonder if in any of her previous R's she has been deeply committed? Have you all talked about this stuff at all? Has she expressed any concern about going straight from one relationship to another?

 

I understand feeling that strong connection, and on one level perhaps you shouldn't second guess wonderful... I'm happy you found her and are living life fully right now. Enjoy being in limerence but don't be blind completely to reality either.

[ken_25]

She said that this was her second committed relationship, she's 24, about to turn 25, however it was the first guy she's lived with. They've been together three years, they spent a year apart doing a long distance relationship, finally moved in together this summer and things went south quickly. Constant fighting, etc. She told me that she's typically not single for very long, though she typically doesn't go from one guy to the next immediately, however it seems we're talking a couple months max and she meets someone else. Now, with her only being in one other committed relationship, that would be the one that's key, and she didn't leave that guy for another, however it wasn't like she took a 6 month break from dating.

[salparadise]

Well, it doesn't sound like such a big deal then. It's not the pattern I was afraid of. The key factor being that she was able to leave that earlier relationship and take some time in between, even if it wasn't a long time. The time someone needs for a reset is variable depending on the person, the circumstances, etc. I'd say enjoy your new relationship. Perhaps talk about relationships from time to time so you can understand how she thinks and feels, what she wants and needs, both generally and in yours. Communicate and take good care of each other. I hope it continues to be wonderful for you both.

[ken_25]

Thanks, I appreciate it.