Lonely?

[Ladydrib]

Of the people who have actually left their spouse, were you more lonely while you were married or after you left?

[GatsbyMH]

I left my wife six months ago. Divorce is in the works. We've been able to salvage our friendship pretty well. She is dating now. She is in love for sure. It doesn't bother me in the least. Not jealous at all. Hard to believe but its true.

 

But now I feel pretty lonely. I am not in a position to date really. So I do feel pretty lonely a lot. I don't begrudge her her new love. But it does make me acutely aware I will be very alone for the holidays when no one else will be.

 

In our marriage I didn't feel lonely. I did feel distant though. We had no chemistry. I'm better off now though. and so is she.

[d0nnivain]

I wasn't married but we were together for 12 years, living together for 10 so I feel "qualified" to respond.

 

 

I felt more lonely in the relationship. Before I ended things, I felt trapped -- couldn't date other people because I wasn't a cheater but wasn't getting most of my needs met by him. After we broke up even though now I was all alone in a house, it didn't feel quite so bad because I had choices.

[Monodare1]

Hi

 

Although I was on the receiving end, I was the one who had to leave. To be honest the ex made a decision I had been contemplating for some time, she just made the decision for me.

 

To put you in the picture, we met using an online dating site. We both lived in different towns quite a distance from each other. To cut a long story short, I eventually agreed to move to her home town leaving my friends and family behind in my home town. I managed 3 years but started to miss my friends and family terribly. The ex didn't take that on board and felt that I should get on with it (essentially put up and shut up).

 

We have a little boy together and it broke my heart to leave but I do see him every weekend and try to be the best Dad I can be.

 

I must admit that although I was living with my wife and son, I had no social life and felt extremely lonely, meanwhile my wife saw her friends regularly, sometimes twice a week, I was lucky to see my friends once every two months.

 

She also did not get on with my elderly Father and could only tolerate being in his company for an hour at most on a weekly basis.

 

Now that I live back in my home town with my Father, I see my friends regularly, playing badminton, going to the gym and my son gets to see myself and his grandfather every weekend and for a whole weekend rather than an hour which is allowing my father and my son to develop a relationship (although my father is 88 and my son is almost 3)

 

I don't feel as lonely as I did living in another town and only feel lonely in the evenings when I don't have anything on.

[littlejaz]

Although I am lonely at times now, it was worse being married and lonely. As another poster said, at least now I have choices and know that I made the right decision in ending my so-called marriage.

 

Don't let the fear of loneliness stop you from ending a relationship that you feel cannot be fixed.

[notbroken]

There is nothing as lonely as really being alone and not quite knowing it. I was never as lonely as when things were bad in my marriage before divorcing. At least when you are divorced and alone you know it and can meet other people or just enjoy your solitude. When you are married and alone it is much more isolating. Trying to hold a conversation with someone that doesn't want to be there is torture. True torture.

 

I occassionally still feel lonely after divorcing - but it is largely by choice. The silence is no longer deafening. I enjoy my alone time and spend time with my wonderful girlfriend or other friends when I want.

[Ladydrib]

I wasn't married but we were together for 12 years, living together for 10 so I feel "qualified" to respond.

 

 

I felt more lonely in the relationship. Before I ended things, I felt trapped -- couldn't date other people because I wasn't a cheater but wasn't getting most of my needs met by him. After we broke up even though now I was all alone in a house, it didn't feel quite so bad because I had choices.

 

Thank you. This is exactly what I predict to be the case and have been wondering. It is scary to think of something possibly being worse than miserable so it makes it very hard to take risks when you're already so unhappy.