I learned You can never really go back

[ariawuu]

Ok, I'm confused, who broke up with who?

 

He did. Sorry I guess that was sort of ambiguous..

[r321148]

I think one of the hardest things people need to realize (I have said this before but I will elaborate) is that anything less than 1 year of NC will not help a second chance be successful.

 

I agree with your general point but surely the timescale will depend on the length of relationship, reasons for the breakup, amount of growing needed and levels of resentment each partner holds? I'd say it's difficult to put an exact timescale on that.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree with your general point but surely the timescale will depend on the length of relationship, reasons for the breakup, amount of growing needed and levels of resentment each partner holds? I'd say it's difficult to put an exact timescale on that.

 

Not really. I'm not sure if it has to be a year necessarily, but it has to be a significant period of time. I don't really think the amount of time you dated matters too much in this case.

[Simon Phoenix]

He did. Sorry I guess that was sort of ambiguous..

 

Well, you should be in No Contact and you should not tell him that you are doing so. If you tell him, it looks like you are trying to manipulate him. Telling someone you aren't going to be talking to them defeats a lot of the purpose for doing it in the first place.

[melell]

I think the time scale is irrelevant. Tryingtofigureitout, I would think if you were both grown/healed/moved on enough to be in relationships with other people then you are at a point where reconciliation can be successful.

 

I think it is about a clean slate, if you have moved on and are in a place where you are happy to consider being in a new serious relationship, then your ex can be one of those to be considered. The key is having moved on from the past.

[TryingToFigureItOut]

I think the time scale is irrelevant. Tryingtofigureitout, I would think if you were both grown/healed/moved on enough to be in relationships with other people then you are at a point where reconciliation can be successful.

 

I think it is about a clean slate, if you have moved on and are in a place where you are happy to consider being in a new serious relationship, then your ex can be one of those to be considered. The key is having moved on from the past.

 

I totally agree, but from what I have seen from other people's situations, most people need at least 1 year for what you said to occur. Obviously it can happen earlier than a year for some and well over a year for others, I agree. But for most situations, at least 1 year is necessary in my opinion.

[melell]

I feel like the majority of people would be so much happier never going back, moving onwards and upwards instead.

[TryingToFigureItOut]

I feel like the majority of people would be so much happier never going back, moving onwards and upwards instead.

 

What I have learned is that every relationship is situational. Every person is different. I think that the majority of people don't want to go back, and that is how it should be. Going back to the old relationship won't get you anywhere except for the original problems. You want to move on and if eventually your paths cross one day and you start a new relationship instead of going back, I personally think that's beautiful: two people who were in love at one point, who grew up and crossed paths in the future trying again...I mean it clearly doesn't always happen that way. But it does happen more than people on here think it does.