NC has started...

[Yayo]

I blocked his cell number and his work number. I also blocked him on FB. The only way he'd be able to get a hold of me is if he literally showed up at my door. I wont lie...I'm not looking forward to the sadness and missing him unbearably. I cant help but hope that maybe some day things will change. Any advice for getting through this and staying strong would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

[threelaurels]

Imagine all your possible options as cards laying out on a table in front of you. Take any of the options that involve future contact with him in any way and throw them out. They are no longer options, and you cannot choose them. If you feel tempted to break NC, repeat that is not an option over and over again in your head until it sinks in.

 

This is a trick I learned while studying the psychology of decision making a few years ago. If you consciously decide that some choices simply aren't options anymore, it helps ease the temptation and keeps you on track towards your goal. I use it all the time in my daily life, and I have found it very helpful and effective.

 

Other than that, maintaining NC is largely a mental process. You need to slam the door on him completely, not allow him to the opportunity to stick a foot in and keep the door cracked open. That means no listening to his voicemails and no reading any emails he sends. Just press the delete button as soon as you get them. If there's a knock on your door, look through your peephole or out the window before opening it. Don't answer it if it's him. If he starts banging on the door or trying to talk to you through it and won't go away, call the cops on him and have him escorted from the premises.

 

Have you thought about sending a NC letter? They are useful in the sense that (a) it notified him that you no longer want him to contact you, and (b) it provides documentation if he tries to talk to you against your wishes that can later be used in court if you need to reach out to the police or obtain a restraining order. Good luck!

[Got it]

Understand it is like riding the waves in the sea, it will get better. Take care of yourself, drink plenty of water, be gentle with yourself, and get exercise. Journal.

 

Try and focus on yourself and develop/nurture hobbies and interests. Know that you will go through the grieving process. It is okay to cry. A lot. Make sure you eat. Know you will have obsessive thinking. A good way to control it is a rubber band on your wrist and snap it. But know that it is a process and allow yourself to walk through it. It is natural to want to bury into yourself and your home. Try and stay connected to others. Try and focus on friends. Don't date right away. I highly recommend therapy.

 

It will get better.

[Owl]

Fill your mind, your time, and your focus with other things than him.

 

Now is a great time to learn a new skill/hobby, or take up one that you haven't done for a long time. Something that takes a lot of energy and focus is best.

 

Hit the gym. Start working out, running, etc...

 

Physical excersise can do wonders to help wear your body out and let you focus on things other than him.

 

My suggestion...find a local gym/dojo that teaches a martial art that you might be interested in. Learning the new skill, and the workout, will help immensely.

[RickFox]

know that you will fail at NC at least once before you commit fully to it and succeed. it's not easy, ups downs, round and round, emotion city.

 

I'm confused though.... in another post you said you and your H wee doing well and rebuilding... so you were still in the A ... even though you said you had lost respect for xmm?

Edited November 19, 2013 by RickFox

[whichwayisup]

Congrats! You can do this, sounds like you mean serious business too as you've more or less made it impossible for him to contact you.

 

You will hurt, feel sad, cry and feel pain but don't let that discourage you. Do grieve the loss, don't be afraid of feeling yucky. Keep remembering there's a reason why this is happening and in the long run you're better off.

 

Here's a thread to help you stick to NC. Oh and do surround yourself with good friends, keep busy, and laugh - be silly at times, humour right now is important!

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion

 

Also, google baggage reclaim, there are tons of blogs and articles to help you cope with this and also help you find peace.

[Yayo]

Thanks to every single one of you for your replies. Such great advice from all of you. THANK YOU. I think the hardest part of this will be getting out of the house and doing things. My go-to with depression is always isolation. I mean all day I've just been wondering if he's tried to get a hold of me :/ I will try to get out and do SOMETHING, even if its just running errands.

[MorbidFever]

One day at a time. I concentrated a lot on his faults, that really helped me. I thought I would never get over him, much like everyone else says during NC, it's hard, painful and you don't think you will make it through it. I think it helped that I initiated NC, in a sense, because when I would think of contacting him, I would remind myself not to look like a fool. Every second of the day he was on my mind, I thought I could not live without him, until…

 

An old school friend contacted me. He's not married. I'm not interested in a committed relationship, but wow the flirting is something else. I almost feel guilty in a way, because I don't crave ex anymore. Sometimes I doubt now if I really was in love with him.

 

You'll get through this.