Guy friend issues... is it me or him?

[candycoatedraindrops]

There's this guy who's been my friend for about a year and a half now. He's always been a great guy, and a reliable friend... for the most part. Anywho, I had a crush on him a few months back. Nowadays, I'm pretty much over him. He didn't want me, and I'm fine with that. But his behavior the past few weeks has thrown me for a loop.

 

We went to a movie with a group of people two weeks ago, he waited for me outside. Then focused attention on me all night long, though we were surrounded by 10 other people. A week and a half ago, we went bowling with the same people, again, focused attention and my friend noted that he was "all over me" the entire night, and apparently he couldn't take his eyes off me. I went to dinner with him a week ago, just me and him. He paid, stated that there was a girl who used to like him, but stopped, then he started to like her and the timing was awful.. all while giving me a curious look, had a great conversation about life, family and relationships. Saw him monday, he couldn't keep his eyes off me, and kept inching his way closer to me. Had a great conversation Wednesday night, invited him to the movies Thursday night, told him I'd call and then the tables turned...

 

Movies ended up not happening. So I texted him telling him that because he was working. I told him if he wanted to go still with me or just hang out to call me... he never did. Saw him Christmas Eve... hardly looked at me, and when he did, he looked quickly away. Saturday I texted him saying Merry Christmas... got nothing back. Talked to him online at night, and he was distant or distracted, and I have never had a problem with that before with him. He's always been eager to talk to me, and we've always had good online conversations. I apologized if I interupted him and he said I didn't, then said nothing else. My phone is retarted, and the only thing I can think of is that he's upset that I never called on Thursday, because he didn't get my text message.

 

I don't understand him. He's frustrating me beyond belief. Why would he act like this in a matter of days? Ughh... I just don't get it.

[overseas2004]

There is alot of men who act the way he does. The reason is that he does not know what he wants. He would like to have you but there is something preventing him. My guess is ... that it is some other girl and she is in first place. That is why he keeps you on hold. My guess is that they had some kind of break up and he started focusing on you but now she is back and that is why he turned away.

 

I would forget this guy if I were you. You arent ever going to be what he chooses ultimately.

 

Just dump him....

[Divinfeline]

Well, the situation you find yourself in I'm sure many girls have had the same experience. I'm sorry if this is making you feel so confused and fustrated. Ultimately what you should do is think about yourself. If you want, confront him. Hopefully he will do you a favor and be open and honest; that way, you would know where you stand with him and you could then make a decision on that. However, you also run the risk of being fed lies and if you feel strongly for him; you may just end up believing him. No matter what, actions speaks so much louder than words. If he is not going to do what it takes to show you how special you are to him, you need to leave him. You have to know what your worth is and do not let someone else ditate that to you. I wish you the best of luck to you and I hope things work out for the best no matter what it may be...=)

Take care

[packersgirl]

Overseas is right. Forget about this guy. It might be hard because he seems to be a significant part of your life, but he is withdrawing from you.

 

There are many reasons why this could be happening. You said it yourself, he might be realizing that he likes you now, and that you probably don't like him anymore, and that the chance has passed. He might be trying to spare himself heartache by pulling away early on. It could be another girl, but from the sounds of your story, it sounds like you've been the main girl in his life for the past few weeks. So I'd discount out that theory. Maybe its another guy. Perhaps some other guy that he knows also has feelings for you, so he's trying to bow out gracefully to not ruin either relationship. Men say they are simple minded, but in reality, they aren't.

 

Now, if you really do care about only a friendship with him, I'd back off and let him have his space. Even if you want more than just a friendship.. do the same thing! Like I said earlier, it might be hard, but forgetting about him, even for a little bit, will help both him and you decide what it is you really want.

[Sharmaine]

Having this kind of problem myself at the moment. One minute they are all over you, the next you hear nothing, or you recieve a short mail like I did, saying they'll mail you back later on. So I didn't reply to his mail, waited around like a fool for this mail and it's been two weeks and no response as of yet. So I'm debating mailing back, the ball is then in his court. It could well be that he is busy, gone away, or whatever, but at least if I mail and I get no response, least I'll know finally where I stand.

 

Back to your posting though. Your friend mentioned that there was a girl interested in him, then when he was interested in her, it was bad timing. Has this girl come back onto the scene perhaps, hence his avoiding you? Perhaps he knows that you have feelings for him and he wants to avoid hurting you, if this is the case.

 

As for him being all over you like a rash one minute, then not the next. Maybe and like someone else said, he's starting to have feelings for you, he's scared and so he's backed off. Could be anything really, the annoying part is trying to figure out what the heck is going through their heads.

 

If I were you, I'd lay low. I wouldn't call him/text him/email him, especially when you have been doing those things and you are recieving no response from him. If he wants you, he will do the pursuing.

[candycoatedraindrops]

Thanks for responding!

 

Overseas and Packers, you both are right in one area... he is drawing back from me. Though I really don't think its because of another girl. And Overseas, I'm probably not what he'll end up wanting in the end, the way I see it, if I was, then he wouldn't be playing these games with myself and himself. Sharmane, when he mentioned the other girl at dinner last week, he made it sound as if this had happened years ago, then I realized that there was a good possibility he was talking about me. I didn't realize it until I got home though. He found out that I did have feelings for him back in the summer time, and didn't pursue anything or tell me to avoid hurting my feelings. I got over it. I don't really have those feelings anymore, but that doesn't mean that they couldn't resurface. This is a confusing situation, but I am going to lay low. Divin, thinking about myself isn't something I do often, but here, in this situation, I need to. I don't need to be putting myself in the position to be hurt again by him, and allowing my thoughts to wander and my imagination to run wild isn't helping much.

 

Thank you so much for your input everyone!

[kit4kat]

Candy, its simple honey. He's just not that into you. Don't waste another second on him. You're fabulous, and if he doesn't see it, he's not worth your time.