Women, is male insecurity/timidity the worst possible trait?

[NGC1300]

Does the "creep" who seems to not give a f**k about anything still come out ahead of the timid beta-male who hardly even speaks?

 

Please be honest.

 

At the end of the day, the "creep" who tries and fails to get women is still more a man than the bumbling introvert, isn't he?

Edited November 19, 2013 by NGC1300

[regine_phalange]

No, timidity is a lot better than other "bad" traits. I like some timidity actually. And I am very attracted to reserved people. Insecurity is also human, as long as there are not any mind games of manipulation played.

[AnyaNova]

Does the "creep" who seems to not give a f**k about anything still come out ahead of the timid beta-male who hardly even speaks?

 

Please be honest.

 

At the end of the day, the "creep" who tries and fails to get women is still more a man than the bumbling introvert, isn't he?

 

Perhaps I am odd, but I vastly prefer the bumbling introverts over the loud extroverted and overly confident types. I am, however, a nerd to the hugest degree.

[carhill]

The 'creep' is simply noticed more. Think of it as 'advertising'. If one has a blank storefront and no one knows what's inside, few open the door to look in. The 'jerk' with the outlandish claims and shameless promotion techniques gets the traffic. Human nature.

[AnyaNova]

p.s. -- Shy introvert does not equal creep!

[thefooloftheyear]

Where is it written that all self assured and strong men need to be creeps??

 

I dont think women like "creeps"..But in my experience the they like their men to be leaders and strong of character..Not wishy washy or limp..Strong, self assured, confident...etc..

 

Conversely, many insecure women prefer the beta types and meek type guys...They are less challenging/threatening(not in a violent way) and make the less secure woman feel more at ease...

 

These have been one mans experiences..NOT the rule...

 

TFY

[AnyaNova]

Where is it written that all self assured and strong men need to be creeps??

 

I dont think women like "creeps"..But in my experience the they like their men to be leaders and strong of character..Not wishy washy or limp..Strong, self assured, confident...etc..

 

Conversely, many insecure women prefer the beta types and meek type guys...They are less challenging/threatening(not in a violent way) and make the less secure woman feel more at ease...

 

These have been one mans experiences..NOT the rule...

 

TFY

 

I think it depends on your definition of confidence. Some men have the confidence in themselves and their own masculinity to choose to be quiet introverts, to like and discuss literature, to appreciate art, and beauty and intellect and to not to be the traditional brash, bold warrior hero. To be advisers intelligently guiding the "warrior kings." It does not make them meek, or beta. Nor does it make those women like me who appreciate them, necessarily insecure.

 

I like it when a man takes charge (in a good and respectful way) and believe me, many men who are the quiet introverts are quite willing to do so when with their significant others. :-)

 

It is, indeed, always the quiet ones. In quite a good way. :-)

[Ruby Slippers]

To me, the worst trait in anyone is dishonesty, deceit.

 

I've had my own struggles with insecurity that are rooted in poor parenting from childhood, so I understand insecure people pretty well. I'm much more interested in people who are insecure and honest about it, than confident and two-faced.

[Touty]

This sounds like a typical mainstream misnomer. Creepy, arrogant, over-confident jerks are probably the most insecure men out there. An introverted, less talkative male may end up being a creepy jerk, but that doesn't automatically mean he's insecure. Most men who are worthwhile won't sit there telling everyone about it, and they will leave it up to a decent woman to find out the goodies. According to my definition, I would say YES, insecurity is the worst trait a male may have - simply because it is manifested in so many nasty ways. A male that tries to control you, or comes on strong and hypersexual, or disrespectful is as much or even MORE insecure than a male who is timid in the worst way.

[todreaminblue]

Where is it written that all self assured and strong men need to be creeps??

 

I dont think women like "creeps"..But in my experience the they like their men to be leaders and strong of character..Not wishy washy or limp..Strong, self assured, confident...etc..

 

Conversely, many insecure women prefer the beta types and meek type guys...They are less challenging/threatening(not in a violent way) and make the less secure woman feel more at ease...

 

These have been one mans experiences..NOT the rule...

 

TFY

 

 

maybe tfy the less secure women dont want a a overly aggressive male...overly confident can some times be ignorant and arrogant......i prefer a quieter man because they are often deep thinkers....they have a clamer confidence that radiates from their core they arent push overs nor woudl i want a push over.......and iam sometimes insecure......ill fake till i make it if i have too with overly aggressive males....but i am an introvert myself.....deb

[melell]

In all honesty, yes I am really attracted to the 'don't give a f***' attitude (even if that person is not attractive physically), and timid guys are really unappealing to me. It makes no sense.. It is not helpful at all either.

[Outsider77]

I absolutely HATE arrogant, over-confident men. I hate the creeps. I want nothing to do with them. I also hate the guys that feel they have to show off and the guys that just pour on the fake charm.

 

Confidence is sexy but jerks and arrogant pricks are not.

[melell]

I absolutely HATE arrogant, over-confident men. I hate the creeps. I want nothing to do with them. I also hate the guys that feel they have to show off and the guys that just pour on the fake charm.

 

Confidence is sexy but jerks and arrogant pricks are not.

 

Just wanted to add I am also not a fan of what outsider has described, but someone can still be confident and not give a f*** without being overly charming or in your face confident.

[Kate9292]

Not every timid guy is insecure. Insecurity is really bad though.

 

And creeps are even worse. I'd rather have a timid, respectful guy than a pushy creep. Then again I'd still want someone more confident.

[thefooloftheyear]

maybe tfy the less secure women dont want a a overly aggressive male...overly confident can some times be ignorant and arrogant......i prefer a quieter man because they are often deep thinkers....they have a clamer confidence that radiates from their core they arent push overs nor woudl i want a push over.......and iam sometimes insecure......ill fake till i make it if i have too with overly aggressive males....but i am an introvert myself.....deb

 

 

 

You ladies are seemingly painting secure, Alpha types as ignorant, insensitive, knuckle dragging meatheads...

 

Just NOT the case...In fact, I can argue that at least with these men, usually "what you see is what you get"..These types are also more likely to be entrepeneurs and leaders of people. They can be more wordly and diverse than ANY insecure type..The introverts sometimes are hiding DEEP insecurities that will come out at the worst time..

 

There is room for both types in this world and you just have find out what suits you best..And there are douchebags on both sides as well..

 

Gimme a strong and confident woman every time...Insecure women just make me nuts..

 

TFY

Edited November 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Kate9292]

Hate to tell you, but everyone is insecure. I've seen some of your posts. You really need to cut guys some slack and look at things from their point of view....or you will be a very lonely old woman (unless you are extremely physically attractive....then you will go from guy to guy, while being miserable the whole time).

 

I already have a bf and had fair share of male attention already, thanks. And I'm about to be 22, so being old is a far away concept for me now.

 

Everyone may have insecurities, but not everyone shows them to their partner all the time. I get some weakness here and there but not being passive to the point you do nothing or whining all the time.

[Woggle]

Arrogant loudmouths are usually the most insecure of all.

[todreaminblue]

 

You ladies are seemingly painting secure, Alpha types as ignorant, insensitive, knuckle dragging meatheads...

 

Just NOT the case...In fact, I can argue that at least with these men, usually "what you see is what you get"..These types are also more likely to be entrepeneurs and leaders of people. They can be more wordly and diverse than ANY insecure type..The introverts sometimes are hiding DEEP insecurities that will come out at the worst time..

 

There is room for both types in this world and you just have find out what suits you best..And there are douchebags on both sides as well..

 

Gimme a strong and confident woman every time...Insecure women just make me nuts..

 

TFY

 

 

i actually dont believe in the alpha beta thing being human behavior.......more animalistic in my opinion...pack behavior.....i think humnaity shoudl rise above that....

 

you can have a quiet confident man.......tfy what defines a leader of people to you....what defines a leader of people to me ....is humility and the ability to listen not to lead people for leading sake but to create more leaders........i know men and have known men of this calibre....when you do meet men like this........they are a league above.......i never once said insecurity is attractive.......in my post above......arrogance and over confidence fails to create leaders......it creates self importance instead of humility ...i dont find that as strong.....and i find it unattractive

 

 

what i do know is if there were say alpha men...the last thing a "true"alpha man would say is.....

 

"i am an alpha man"......unless he was of course a dick....thats one reason why i don't believe in the alpha beta syndrome....because if it were true every one would claim to be one or the other.......i don't agree with segregating males into two distinct stereotypical types......to me there is no distinction .....

 

 

the only hazy distinction i can say about males is there are men of good and true character....and there are men of questionable character has nothing to do with types...how a man treats others is far more important in my opinion than how he treats himself.....those types who treat others as potential leaders is the guy i am attracted to....deb

 

 

 

The man of genius inspires us with a boundless confidence in our own powers.

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Edited November 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[melell]

That attitude is best for short-term flings. So hopefully that's what you're looking for.

 

It isn't what I am looking for, I know it isn't the best for long term relationships, and I will avoid this type of person, but it doesn't change that it is what I am attracted to.

 

My ex had that attitude. We stayed together 8 years- but yes 100% not stable at all.

[thefooloftheyear]

i actually dont believe in the alpha beta thing being human behavior.......more animalistic in my opinion...pack behavior.....i think humnaity shoudl rise above that....

 

you can have a quiet confident man.......tfy what defines a leader of people to you....what defines a leader of people to me ....is humility and the ability to listen not to lead people for leading sake but to create more leaders........i know men and have known men of this calibre....when you do meet men like this........they are a league above.......i never once said insecurity is attractive.......in my post above......arrogance and over confidence fails to create leaders......it creates self importance instead of humility ...i dont find that as strong.....and i find it unattractive

 

 

what i do know is if there were say alpha men...the last thing a "true"alpha man would say is.....

 

"i am an alpha man"......unless he was of course a dick....thats one reason why i don't believe in the alpha beta syndrome....because if it were true every one would claim to be one or the other.......i don't agree with segregating males into two distinct stereotypical types......to me there is no distinction .....

 

 

the only hazy distinction i can say about males is there are men of good and true character....and there are men of questionable character has nothing to do with types...how a man treats others is far more important in my opinion than how he treats himself.....those types who treat others as potential leaders is the guy i am attracted to....deb

 

Alpha/beta....Leader/follower...use whatever term you want...

 

I will agree that I dont particularly like the characterization either, but you have to admit, there are usually distinction between the two types.. Just look at any "wish" list of what women want in a man and it usually falls into the "A" category....

 

Lets face it(and I have been around a while)..what type of woman really wants a guy with little mptivation, passion, drive, ambition, confidence, etc..Or a guy that cannot make a strong decision, but acts passively and weak?

 

No matter what era you talk of, most women like a guy who is a "protector" and many women talk of "feeling safe" with a certain guy...weak and insecure types just cannot give this feeling of "safety"..

 

Now some insecure women might like the idea of a weak man..They are less threatening and most importantly, less likely to draw attention from other women, which, in my experience, drives weak women crazy..So they feel more at ease with this type of man..

 

YMMV

 

TFY

[Imported]

OP, asking such questions just gets you mostly answers of how people like to think of themselves. Rarely will it get you what they actually respond to.

 

Please read post where women complain about dates they have had. Infer what you read there to answer what you ask here.

[OpheliaSong]

No chauvinism is.

[Imported]

Also wanted to point out to not mistake having a healthy attitude with inner happiness that is not dependent on her actions as "not giving a ****".

[Imported]

Alpha/beta....Leader/follower...use whatever term you want...

 

I will agree that I dont particularly like the characterization either, but you have to admit, there are usually distinction between the two types.. Just look at any "wish" list of what women want in a man and it usually falls into the "A" category....

 

Lets face it(and I have been around a while)..what type of woman really wants a guy with little mptivation, passion, drive, ambition, confidence, etc..Or a guy that cannot make a strong decision, but acts passively and weak?

 

No matter what era you talk of, most women like a guy who is a "protector" and many women talk of "feeling safe" with a certain guy...weak and insecure types just cannot give this feeling of "safety"..

 

Now some insecure women might like the idea of a weak man..They are less threatening and most importantly, less likely to draw attention from other women, which, in my experience, drives weak women crazy..So they feel more at ease with this type of man..

 

YMMV

 

TFY

 

Dude, I wish I could like your post twice.

[AnyaNova]

I still think in this whole thread there is extreme definitional confusion between intovert men and weak men. They are not the same thing.

 

I have dated both a strong introvert man who could give me that sense of safety and security you speak of.

 

I have also dated a weaker introverted man, who oddly enough could give me that sense of safety and security when we were alone together, but never while out in public.

 

Can we please remove the trait of introversion/ extroversion from this discussion please? I realize many extroverts may not be able to conceive of strength being something introverts are capable of, but that inability to perceive, does not alter the fundamentally reality that introverts can have loads of internal strength, and often, due to their willingness to be alone wih themselves and introspect, have far more of it than many extraverted men.