Women, is male insecurity/timidity the worst possible trait?

[thefooloftheyear]

I still think in this whole thread there is extreme definitional confusion between intovert men and weak men. They are not the same thing.

 

I have dated both a strong introvert man who could give me that sense of safety and security you speak of.

 

I have also dated a weaker introverted man, who oddly enough could give me that sense of safety and security when we were alone together, but never while out in public.

 

Can we please remove the trait of introversion/ extroversion from this discussion please? I realize many extroverts may not be able to conceive of strength being something introverts are capable of, but that inability to perceive, does not alter the fundamentally reality that introverts can have loads of internal strength, and often, due to their willingness to be alone wih themselves and introspect, have far more of it than many extraverted men.

 

I have no idea why you are getting defensive about it??

 

You like what you like...period...*shrug*..who cares what anyone else says? You could like a passive and openly gay man for all I care..If thats what floats your boat, great..

 

I dont think anyone(not me, at least), is saying introverts are necessarily weak...Heck, I even consider myself a bit of a "Lone Wolf" type, but I have virtually NO insecurities..And I have been a leader and usually one that others look for for answers and direction..I say whats on my mind and dont sugar coat, though...

 

My only beef is that anyone with confidence or "brashness" is immediately labeled a dumbass, a "macho type" and a "jerk" by insecure women..

NOT true! In fact, many of these types are ones that are leaders, business owners, bosses, etc..The reality is that the problem" isnt the guy...its the woman...Most of these men do best with strong women, who arent going to completely fall apart if another woman passes a flirtatious comment about her guy.

 

Point is...dont worry.. there is a seat for every ass...:laugh:

 

YMMV

 

TFY

[todreaminblue]

Alpha/beta....Leader/follower...use whatever term you want...

 

 

No matter what era you talk of, most women like a guy who is a "protector" and many women talk of "feeling safe" with a certain guy...weak and insecure types just cannot give this feeling of "safety"..

 

Now some insecure women might like the idea of a weak man..They are less threatening and most importantly, less likely to draw attention from other women, which, in my experience, drives weak women crazy..So they feel more at ease with this type of man..

 

YMMV

 

TFY

 

 

i am trying to think of one guy i have met and been attracted to whom i really consider weak.......my bouncer ex was shy around women when i first met him...that dissipated after we were together.....he is no longer shy around women and men naturally didnt argue with him.....i think weakness is actually overly agressive behavior.......or arrogant behavior without humility that to me...is sign of weakness and a guy i would not feel safe with.....my ex was insecure when i met him about many things.......wasnt too long before he wasnt that way anymore......i consider myself to be an insecure woman at times....in the fact i have fears.......the fact that looking at my ex i was naturally afraid......he was huge......so he made me feel intimidated still went out with him...most of the guys i have had lasting relationships with, intimidate me in some way ...either size wise....or by personality ....or by their looks which i regard as handsome.....and i am no prize.......a challenge yeah prize no......

 

 

......i look for a quiet strength...i have gone out with fighters mainly ones that hardly ever lose a fight to tell the truth they arent cocky or even want to be leaders, they have all been team players with an altruistic streak...rare breed.... ...they know their own capabilities....and yep they protect................a calm voice ....and a passionate nature there is a fine line with these characteristics......and as far as confidence goes i can build on that ........ i do my best work in a relationship and it is work and effort and encouragement is key...i wouldnt overlook a guy because of shyness.....i have found those guys....."protect " their own and even though i am actually a big chicken.........most people who know me......feel naturally safe around me....because if something happens....

 

 

i protect no matter how scared am i have anyones back covered...fear is healthy to have...keeps you alert and on your toes....when something does happen....you are there in the moment before it happens.......fearful people .....are the fiercest protectors..and i am shy and goofy and insecure aroudn people i care about the longer i know them the more i am myself and let my barriers down.....

 

 

survival instinct will always take over fear.....is an inherent trait that strong human need for survival....so shy guys....rock on you will have it when you need it, to protect and the humility that is needed to serve....serve and protect.....are together for a reason...leaders actually serve more than followers...they instigate serving............military 101............i think weakness is also not admitting you get scared or insecure...that to me...is dishonesty and dishonesty is weak...deb

Edited November 22, 2013 by todreaminblue

[spiderowl]

It's not the worse thing in the world, no, but it can mean a guy misses opportunities that are staring him in the face. For example ...

 

Personally, I like sensitive guys. In fact, one that I'm interested in at the moment is a gentle, kind character. Unfortunately, he's also incredibly clueless when it comes to women and doesn't take chances. He's more likely to say 'let me know if you fancy going for a walk' than 'would you like to go for a walk with me some time'. Consequently, it's unlikely we'll actually end up together.

 

I could make the moves, of course, but I do think a guy should do this. I don't know if he likes me enough. Most men do make it clear if they like you, so if a guy doesn't take a risk and do this, I have to assume he's not interested.

 

Hope this helps.

[ScreamingTrees]

You would think a lone wolf "introvert" type would be more of an "alpha male" who doesn't follow the pack. Lives life as he pleases, and doesn't worry about whether or not he's up to anyone else' standards because he values no one elses' standards over his own. Maybe that's just me, though. Huh.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Perhaps for the man that is timid it is the worst trait for him as it holds him back, but I'd prefer a man who was timid than a man who was an abusive bully.

 

There are MANY worse things a man can be.