girlfriend I loved cheated on me. I need fdback

[road]

I don't blame any BS for cheating and never did.

 

I just say that maybe they had contribution in a relationship going south, and maybe they should look if they should do certain things better, which would help them in next relationships (or repair current one if possible). Actually I'd say the same whether that was cheating or not.

 

In my case there was nothing really going south, my bf was my first and I was just curious what it's like with another guy. Nothing in that was his fault.

 

I think what I write can be a help if you look at it from different point and not just scream "SHE CHEATED! THROW STONES AT HER!". I know what was going on in my head at the time and maybe someone in trouble could use it as perspective to make more informed decision. If they decide it is unacceptable and they should leave, OK, their relationship, their choice. Same if they choose to work it out.

 

 

 

Not to throw stones but throw some words. "I was just curious, not his fault"

 

 

Those are words of justification. You wanted to be able to bang a guy you had the hot's for.

 

 

Well you had your curiosity taken care off.

 

 

But that did not stop you from banging OM2.

[road]

OP childish behavior to smash the mug, or mail it back to her. Just slip it into the garbage.

[Kate9292]

Guy's use to joke years ago that even if you are not queer but if you only once sucked a c%^k you would always be the guy that was a c$%ksucker.

 

 

You always will be the girl that cheat. Cheated twice. You can never uncheat. Not even once. It has become part of you because it is part of your past. The girl that cheated twice.

 

So what, am I supposed to wear a scarlet letter for something I did when I was like 17?

 

And I am supposed to confess that to every single guy I meet who might be interested in me?

 

That's ridiculous.

[ThatMan]

Kate,

To answer your question: Are you supposed to wear a scarlet letter?

People date each other when interested in who they are as a person. You are not defined by past decisions left behind in a relationship graveyard. So you mustn't feel obligated to share past experiences and regrets. What matters is who you are today. Love is all about sharing yourself and allowing another person to accept you in the present.

 

I did not really felt lack of respect towards my first boyfriend when I cheated on him with two other guys.

I feel as though any potential date deserves to understand what respect means to you. And they will all discover your values with time. Your sentiments are sick, twisted, bizarre, and incredibly outlandish. You are one sick puppy. Whether or not you've even had an affair in the first place doesn't change that. Do you have no qualms with the mistreatment of other people?

 

Are you interested in challenging your personal beliefs to lead a healthier life?

Edited December 20, 2013 by ThatMan

[Kate9292]

Your sentiments are sick, twisted, bizarre, and incredibly outlandish. You are one sick puppy. Whether or not you've even had an affair in the first place doesn't change that. Do you have no qualms with the mistreatment of other people?

 

Are you interested in challenging your personal beliefs to lead a healthier life?

 

What the hell? I hate mistreatment. I've been mistreated by the very same first bf after cheating. He said he forgived me and wanted to work it out, but he started arguments and was rubbing up my cheating in my face all the time. That felt horrible, he knew it had nothing to do with whatever the topic was, yet he brought it up because it was easy win for him.

 

I just grew to resent him and broke up with him. Glad I did.

[ThatMan]

What the hell? I hate mistreatment. I've been mistreated by the very same first bf after cheating. He said he forgived me and wanted to work it out, but he started arguments and was rubbing up my cheating in my face all the time. That felt horrible, he knew it had nothing to do with whatever the topic was, yet he brought it up because it was easy win for him.

 

I just grew to resent him and broke up with him. Glad I did.

I'm glad you did break up with him. Never feel obligated to remain in a relationship with a man you resent.

 

I don't know what happened in your relationship. I wasn't there. I cannot presume to understand why he said the things that he did. I don't know whether or not your boyfriend simply wanted to rub things in your face. Maybe he was simply hurt. We're all entitled to feel hurt and exclaim our pain. It's actually normal to mention an affair after being cheated on. Anything is possible.

 

What I do know is the very statements you've shared publicly. You've willingly treated somebody else in a way that's incredibly disrespectful. And you're perfectly okay with that. You've never felt any lack of respect towards him while committing these acts. Your affairs are in the past and you cannot change that. It's your beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, and sentiments you share today that matter. Any negative belief system can be changed, and it's something you can do for yourself.

Edited December 20, 2013 by ThatMan

[Kate9292]

But what's so negative? Yes, I might have hurt him and probably did. He was more than willing hurt me back with his verbal abuse.

 

Does that make us even? Or was he justified?

 

I'd try to understand if he was hurt, but it doesn't mean he had to take it out on me.

 

Whatever, it's been 5 years, there is no use in talking about that. I don't want him back and never did since his abuse.

[road]

So what, am I supposed to wear a scarlet letter for something I did when I was like 17?

 

And I am supposed to confess that to every single guy I meet who might be interested in me?

 

That's ridiculous.

 

 

 

You have a reputation as a cheater.

 

 

You cheated with two OM.

 

 

Yes because going by the odds/statistically you are most likely going to cheat again. Better for you to give the guy's that want to date you the knowledge to decide if they want to date and marry you.

 

 

You have not done IC to fix yourself. Whatever logic you used to justify your cheating you did not do anything to fix what is broken inside you.

[road]

OP, if you were an alcoholic in AA. Would you hide that your are an alcoholic from a potential suitor.?

[Kate9292]

You have a reputation as a cheater.

 

 

You cheated with two OM.

 

 

Yes because going by the odds/statistically you are most likely going to cheat again. Better for you to give the guy's that want to date you the knowledge to decide if they want to date and marry you.

 

 

You have not done IC to fix yourself. Whatever logic you used to justify your cheating you did not do anything to fix what is broken inside you.

 

So a scarlet letter.

 

So if you cheat when you are like 17, you are supposed to disclose it to all who you date, even when you are much older?

 

Great, when I will be like 50, I apparently should be telling that guys too. Like it matters.

 

You never did anything stupid while 17?

[ThatMan]

Kate, no, you don't have to feel obligated to disclose all of your stupid decisions while a teenager. Please don't be mean to yourself like that. We all make stupid decisions but it's up to us to slowly learn from them and rise above the occasion.

 

Do you truly not see how your creating a roadblock for yourself with your poor attitude? Cheating on somebody is disrespectful. Until you begin to think differently about how you treat other people, not much will change.