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Any WW refuse to tell who their OM was? Why?

road

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lilmisscantbewrong

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
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This is an interesting question.

 

I would imagine in most stiches they already know who he is.

 

In mine, he most certainly did.

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Dark_history

Dark_history

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I think it is supremely cruel to withhold this, and I cannot imagine a truly remorseful ww doing so.

 

I agree with one exception, if somehow revealing the information would result in something very damaging, like the cost of someone's safety or life.

 

However, if the information is within, no matter the reason, the marriage can't be saved.

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road

road

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I agree with one exception, if somehow revealing the information would result in something very damaging, like the cost of someone's safety or life.

 

However, if the information is within, no matter the reason, the marriage can't be saved.

 

 

 

That is just an excuse to not tell the BH who the OM is.

 

 

I have read stories where the BH caught the WW and the OM in the act and the OM was killed. One story set in Texas. The BH comes home. Finds WW and OM going at it in the OM's pick up on the BH's driveway.

 

 

The WW hops out of the OM's truck saying rape. The OM pulls out of the driveway and starts to make his get away down the street.

 

 

It seems in Texas everyone carry's a gun. This BH pulls out his pistol and kills the OM.

 

 

Eventually the truth comes out in court. The WW gets jail time for falsely screaming rape. I think she got 2 or 3 years sentence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

However I never read where the BH killed the OM when the BH found after the fact. So claiming to protect the BH is just a lie. The WW is still protecting the OM.

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harrybrown

harrybrown

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And in one case, the POSOM shot and killed the BH. And the POSOM got off with self defense.

 

So tell the BH so he can watch out and be prepared. Keeping the BH in the dark, puts him at risk. What a wonderful way to treat someone that maybe at one time was a loved one.

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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Because she protecting the OM; therefore, she values the OM more than you.

 

Sorry, but you should be packed and heading out the door. If she can't be honest, then quit wasting your time.

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Confusion_Reigns

Confusion_Reigns

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I wouldn’t tell and that’s because my husband would kill me and my friend. I like my friend enough to not want him to be killed and I like my husband enough to not want him to go to prison. Who am I protecting? H or my friend? Or my own bones? Probably all three.

 

My H has told me, many times over the years, that he would kill me and the other guy if he ever found out I was messing around….of course he’s also told me that I can never leave him because he can and will find me any place I try to hide…and I believe him because of his actions towards me…why,just the other morning I was getting screamed at for leaving my shoes in the living room….so, yea, he’d probably kill me and my friend. So no, I wouldn’t say a word…

 

I am working my way out of this marriage. Slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. Not to *be* with my friend but to be free of the messed up crap that I live with being in this marriage.

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janedoe67

janedoe67

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First, abuse is wrong, and having an abusive spouse is a horrible thing to have to endure.

 

That said...it seems to me if I knew how violent my spouse was, the LAST thing I would do is CHOOSE to do the thing he said he would kill me for.....

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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I wouldn’t tell and that’s because my husband would kill me and my friend. I like my friend enough to not want him to be killed and I like my husband enough to not want him to go to prison. Who am I protecting? H or my friend? Or my own bones? Probably all three.

 

My H has told me, many times over the years, that he would kill me and the other guy if he ever found out I was messing around….of course he’s also told me that I can never leave him because he can and will find me any place I try to hide…and I believe him because of his actions towards me…why,just the other morning I was getting screamed at for leaving my shoes in the living room….so, yea, he’d probably kill me and my friend. So no, I wouldn’t say a word…

 

I am working my way out of this marriage. Slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. Not to *be* with my friend but to be free of the messed up crap that I live with being in this marriage.

 

 

So, you think an affair is going to help your situation? It only complicates things and if your husband is THAT violent of a person, you just put another person in harms way.

 

It's called packing up your sh*t when he isn't around and LEAVING FOR PARTS UNKNOWN WITH A FILED RESTRAINING ORDER!

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Erg, I can't believe I'm admitting to this:

 

I saw a Dr. Phil episode once.

 

Anyhow, the husband cheated and wouldn't tell the wife with who he cheated and Dr. Phil was on her case saying she'd "already firgiven him" etc. abd that it wasn't fair to him for her to be "obsessing" over this. Could you imagine how awful that would be for her? Everywhere she went she would be wondering: "I wonder if its her. No, maybe her or her."

 

ARG. That's just damned awful and cruel. Stupid Dr. Phil.

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Spectre

Spectre

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Ok obviously if your life is in danger then yeah..don't tell. But if you feel your husband/boyfriend would truly be capable of killing you then that is a much MUCH bigger issue so at that point you shouldn't be worrying about cheating.

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janedoe67

janedoe67

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Sometimes I want to meet Dr. Phil, look at him with an eyebrow raised, and ask, "How's that workin for ya?!"

 

I'm not a big fan.

 

And coolit, you have to understand that there is a particular marriage forum where violence against an AP or WS is not only excused, it is joked about, up to and including burning someone alive. The forum has been - erm - sanitized since then, but I was there and read it.

 

(more than one way to skin a cat ;) )

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Sometimes I want to meet Dr. Phil, look at him with an eyebrow raised, and ask, "How's that workin for ya?!"

 

I'm not a big fan.

 

He can be insightful. To a point. A lot of it seems pretty basic to me: "don't cheat on your partner." "Don't beat your kid." "If you're an in-law, try not to alienate the Hell out of your kid's spouse."

 

He kinda shames his guests. Probably for ratings. That's not good or helpful.

My mother is a fan. She quotes all of his stuff and can tell you exactly where you can "fix your life" and has some of his books etc.

 

How much does she actually apply to her own life. Erm, about zero. Yeah, somewhere around zero.

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janedoe67

janedoe67

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I have to admit, when he shames child abusers I kind of like it....is that wrong?

 

I just cannot imagine expecting your spouse to get through the pain of your A never knowing who the AP was. I cannot fathom it.

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Spectre

Spectre

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Posted (edited)
I have to admit, when he shames child abusers I kind of like it....is that wrong?

 

I just cannot imagine expecting your spouse to get through the pain of your A never knowing who the AP was. I cannot fathom it.

 

I don't really feel it is wrong to shame someone for their bad behavior. Especially when it comes to serious things like cheating or child abuse. If you didn't want to be shamed for such things you should of never of done them..and you definitely shouldn't of come onto a tv show and discussed it.

 

I'm sure there are plenty of counselors, etc. out there who are just as talented as Dr. Phil, with the only exception being in order to get help from them you don't need to air you dirty laundry to a bunch of strangers.

Edited by Spectre
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road

road

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I wouldn’t tell and that’s because my husband would kill me and my friend. I like my friend enough to not want him to be killed and I like my husband enough to not want him to go to prison. Who am I protecting? H or my friend? Or my own bones? Probably all three.

 

My H has told me, many times over the years, that he would kill me and the other guy if he ever found out I was messing around….of course he’s also told me that I can never leave him because he can and will find me any place I try to hide…and I believe him because of his actions towards me…why,just the other morning I was getting screamed at for leaving my shoes in the living room….so, yea, he’d probably kill me and my friend. So no, I wouldn’t say a word…

 

I am working my way out of this marriage. Slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. Not to *be* with my friend but to be free of the messed up crap that I live with being in this marriage.

 

 

 

 

Many a BW and a BH have said they would kill their WS if they ever cheated on them.

 

 

More have said they would divorce their WS if they cheated on them.

 

 

Only to stay married after D day to their WS.

 

 

So what a spouse may say before they become a BS does not come true most of the time.

 

 

It is very rare to see in the news were a BH murdered his WW.

 

 

Seventy eight percent of all marriages survive an affair.

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road

road

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Erg, I can't believe I'm admitting to this:

 

I saw a Dr. Phil episode once.

 

Anyhow, the husband cheated and wouldn't tell the wife with who he cheated and Dr. Phil was on her case saying she'd "already firgiven him" etc. abd that it wasn't fair to him for her to be "obsessing" over this. Could you imagine how awful that would be for her? Everywhere she went she would be wondering: "I wonder if its her. No, maybe her or her."

 

ARG. That's just damned awful and cruel. Stupid Dr. Phil.

 

 

 

I can't believe he gave such bad advice. As you said this BW will never put the WH affair behind her. Even if they are married 30 more years not knowing will haunt her.

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Snowflower

Snowflower

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Erg, I can't believe I'm admitting to this:

 

I saw a Dr. Phil episode once.

 

Anyhow, the husband cheated and wouldn't tell the wife with who he cheated and Dr. Phil was on her case saying she'd "already firgiven him" etc. abd that it wasn't fair to him for her to be "obsessing" over this. Could you imagine how awful that would be for her? Everywhere she went she would be wondering: "I wonder if its her. No, maybe her or her."

 

ARG. That's just damned awful and cruel. Stupid Dr. Phil.

 

That is pretty awful. Just reading it made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

 

FTR, my H confessed his affair but at first he wouldn't tell me who the OW was. I figured it out in about a week.

 

I wonder if that poor woman on Dr. Phil's show ever figured out who the OW was?

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harrybrown

harrybrown

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I wouldn’t tell and that’s because my husband would kill me and my friend. I like my friend enough to not want him to be killed and I like my husband enough to not want him to go to prison. Who am I protecting? H or my friend? Or my own bones? Probably all three.

 

My H has told me, many times over the years, that he would kill me and the other guy if he ever found out I was messing around….of course he’s also told me that I can never leave him because he can and will find me any place I try to hide…and I believe him because of his actions towards me…why,just the other morning I was getting screamed at for leaving my shoes in the living room….so, yea, he’d probably kill me and my friend. So no, I wouldn’t say a word…

 

I am working my way out of this marriage. Slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. Not to *be* with my friend but to be free of the messed up crap that I live with being in this marriage.

 

 

Then divorce him now, because you can not control the stds from your AP.

 

Get out of the marriage before cheating. Because if you give your H stds from your AP, you will get caught.

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lilmisscantbewrong

lilmisscantbewrong

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Seventy eight percent of all marriages survive an affair

 

Where does this statistic come from? It certainly isn't that way in the little berg I live in. I would say it closely mirrors the divorce rate. My counselor said in her experience it was 50 percent survived.

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