Jump to content

My son wants to marry a MUCH older woman.... HELP!!!

ConcernedMother

By ConcernedMother,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

 Share Followers 7

Recommended Posts

ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted

Hi there

This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.

My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.

 

I am worried about him.

 

They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.

 

When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???

 

Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.

 

Many thanks,

Concerned Mother - who wishes to remain anonymous.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The_Analyzer

The_Analyzer

Posted
Posted

Ok let me get this straight, your 16 year old son who is under the age of 18 not yet considered an adult, is dating/engaged to a 54 year old woman? I'm assuming he is still living at home? Have you asked him what the fascination is? Have you talked to the 54 year old? Why are you allowing this? The reason I'm asking this is because he is 16, a minor, he is still under your care as a parent. I would think you would have some kind of control over the situation. Have you talked with him in any detail about this? 16 year olds are hardly old enough to make a descion like that about marrying. At 16 they hardly know anything about life etc. Sounds like maybe she has brainwashed him. Call the police ASAP, find out whats really going on here. If they are having sex she can go to jail, understand?

Link to post
Share on other sites
debs

debs

Posted
Posted

WHOAH!

 

Your 16 yr old needs to get a grip! He hasn't even experienced life per se!!!

 

Time to take action this is not a time to sit on your hands and hope it will go away!

 

Good luck and do let us know the end of this so called relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LiveLoveLaugh

LiveLoveLaugh

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry, but that is just freaky. Call the police, this woman has to be unstable to encourage such a relationship with a 16 yr. old boy. It's called pedophile!

Link to post
Share on other sites
indigo_moon

indigo_moon

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by ConcernedMother

Hi there

This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.

My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.

 

I am worried about him.

 

They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.

 

When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???

 

Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.

 

Many thanks,

Concerned Mother - who wishes to remain anonymous.

 

I would imagine that no matter where you live in North America (assuming you live in N.A.), your son is considered a "minor".........she is obviously NOT a minor...........In most states, it's against the law for an adult to get involved with a minor.........so what have you done about this? You are the parent here, what are you doing about this disturbing situation? Have you contacted your local law enforcement and reported this? If not, why not? She's a predator. Do something about this NOW.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

This sounds just like the post from the girl who was dating a guy that age who was constantly checking out older women. She even mentioned that he had dated a 54 year old with either three kids or three grandkids (can't remember which) and had threatened to dump her for a 54 year old woman if she didn't get her jealousy under control. Small world!

 

I guess when its your kid in question, instead of your boyfriend its a different story. What is the age of consent for marriage where you are?

Link to post
Share on other sites
bicyclejunk

bicyclejunk

Posted
Posted

Is this a Joke Post???

 

This sounds way too fishy.

 

How can a MOM not control her SON??

 

 

Until he's 18, you are in Command.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by indigo_moon

I would imagine that no matter where you live in North America (assuming you live in N.A.), your son is considered a "minor".........she is obviously NOT a minor...........In most states, it's against the law for an adult to get involved with a minor.........so what have you done about this? You are the parent here, what are you doing about this disturbing situation? Have you contacted your local law enforcement and reported this? If not, why not? She's a predator. Do something about this NOW.

 

I live in Manchester, United Kingdom.... the age of consent is 16 years old in the UK.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

Since he is of the age of consent, there is very little you can do other than voice your concerns and hope for the best. Have you talked to the woman yet about it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Pocky

Pocky

Posted
Posted
Two unmarried people of opposite sex and at least 18 years of age are free to marry, provided they are not closely related members of the same family. Persons between the ages of 16 and 18 may marry under the same conditions, but with the written consent of their parents or other lawful guardians (or, in the final instance, of an English court of law. If the parents or guardians are overseas, their signatures should be witnessed by a notary or consular officer).

 

It appears as though he can't get married without written consent from a parent or legal guardian if he's under sixteen.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by ConcernedMother

Hi there

This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.

My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.

 

I am worried about him.

I would be worried too -- but it's their choice. He could marry someone his own age and have a terrible marriage.

 

 

They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.

 

When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???

I seriously doubt if the marriage will last that long.

 

Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.
Tell him you love him. Talk to him about what might realistically happen to him, and her, if they stay together. Think of he obstacles they will face. What about kids? What is her family thinking about all of this? Don't sign the papers needed for him to marry -- chances are the relationship won't last until he is of legal age, and if it does there is nothing you can do but continue to love your son.

 

Do you belong to a church that does faith-based counseling? Is your son religious? Get some outside (faith-based or secular) counseling on this -- insist that if this other woman really loves him than she will go through couples counseling for new marriages -- it's not a fix-a-problem type of counseling, but one that is designed to help a couple realize what marriage is and what is important and how to cope with problems. It might shed some light for both of them.

 

Tell her never to call you 'mom'.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by HokeyReligions

Talk to him about what might realistically happen to him, and her, if they stay together. Think of he obstacles they will face.

 

What obstacles will they face, and what will realistically happen to them??

Link to post
Share on other sites
HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

scorn and ridicule from others. He may get comments about making love to a sagging wrinkled body or something like that from people his age. How is he going to handle that.

 

What about children, does he want kids? Resentment from her family maybe. Finishing high-school and attending college, where he is going to meet a lot of women. Finding a job and helping to support his new family - is his wife going to play mommy to him and be totally supportive in a maternal way -- that would be very confusing. People mistaking her for his mother when they are out. Finding other couples to be friends with - it seems like they might be very lonely as a couple. His friends his age are not going to want to hang out with them as a couple, and her friends her age will likely feel the same. They have nothing in common with others as a couple. That alone is going to put a big strain on the relationship.

 

I don't know how her health is, but it's going to become increasingly more difficult for her to keep up with him if he is an active teenager. He may want to go skiing and she may need something more passive. Right now she may be fine health-wise, and very active - but she is getting older and age brings creaky joints, arthritis, bone loss, menopause (if she's not already there), and generally lowers or slows the activity level. I know precious few people who at age 50+ can do the same things they did at age 20 and with the same vitality and endurance.

 

Talk to a child advocacy group and find out about child abuse laws in your area and how they are enforced. You don't want him to be taken away from you, but there may be some help that is available to both of you in your area. Then again, sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes and as much as we (parents) don't want to see our children hurt (we hurt right along with them) we have to let them be hurt in order to learn and grow. All we can do is stand behind them and be their safety-net when they fall.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by HokeyReligions

scorn and ridicule from others. He may get comments about making love to a sagging wrinkled body or something like that from people his age. How is he going to handle that.

 

What about children, does he want kids? Resentment from her family maybe. Finishing high-school and attending college, where he is going to meet a lot of women. Finding a job and helping to support his new family - is his wife going to play mommy to him and be totally supportive in a maternal way -- that would be very confusing. People mistaking her for his mother when they are out. Finding other couples to be friends with - it seems like they might be very lonely as a couple. His friends his age are not going to want to hang out with them as a couple, and her friends her age will likely feel the same. They have nothing in common with others as a couple. That alone is going to put a big strain on the relationship.

 

Won't she get worried he'll leave her for a younger woman??

Also, do you think my son will get bored of marriage after a few weeks when the novelty of it wears off???

 

My son is planning the wedding now.....

 

BTW, I live in the UK, in a town called Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

Who was primarily pushing for the wedding? The lady or your son?

 

As for your questions - I'm sure she is worried, unless she has him brainwashed. Whether or not your son gets bored depends largely on what sort of emotional control she has over your son.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Who was primarily pushing for the wedding? The lady or your son?

 

As for your questions - I'm sure she is worried, unless she has him brainwashed. Whether or not your son gets bored depends largely on what sort of emotional control she has over your son.

 

Both of them want to marry as soon as possible. I suspect she is brainwashing/indoctrinating him. it seems very certain.

 

What is indoctrination??

 

16 + 38 = 54.

 

Why does he want to marry someone who could easily be his gran??? It sounds ridiculous to me, but my husband says if it makes our son happy, then our son should marry her.

 

I find the whole thing creepy and stomach-churning. She is old enough to be his grandmother isnt she??

 

Being married at 16 will make it hard for him in college/high school when girls chat him up and he has to say "Sorry, I'm a married man now.".

 

He'll have to grow up fast won't he???

 

Please help me, I do worry for him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Nocturnal

Nocturnal

Posted
Posted

Hey, if it works it works, if it doesn't I am sure they'll get a divorce.

 

I am mainly curious what she could even remotely see in a 16 year old. I'm 21 going on 22 and I would never consider a 16 year old girl, not because of a taboo factor but because I don't feel they're intellectually and maturely compatible with me. So either that woman is in an extreme lack of maturity, or she wants to really feel young again, or she simply likes to get a piece of barely legal ass. Or, he's the one instigating all this because he likes older women. Or they both simply somehow fell in love.

 

Either way, my only advice is to keep your eyes on her and your son but don't get in the way, your son could end up resenting you for it, no matter how well your intentions were.

 

Being married at 16 will make it hard for him in college/high school when girls chat him up and he has to say "Sorry, I'm a married man now.".

 

How does it make it hard for him? Because he has to turn girls down? So he'll be married, if he's comfortable with it, other girls aren't even a factor. It would be the same reasoning if he got to college/high school and had a "regular aged" girlfriend already, he would still have to say "Sorry, I'm taken/married/whatever." Makes no real difference.

 

If the relationship makes both of them happy, good for them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Elmo

Elmo

Posted
Posted

Concerned Mom...are you yanking our chain?

 

If so, consider us yanked.

 

You've been watching cd's of Harold and Maude too much.

 

If you are not chain yanking, and the age of consent is 16... Butt out. Give your now proclaimed ADULT son no money, no place to live, etc. He has declared his independence. Be as kind as you can be and be even kinder when your son comes skulking back in 3 months.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Nocturnal

Hey, if it works it works, if it doesn't I am sure they'll get a divorce.

 

I am mainly curious what she could even remotely see in a 16 year old. I'm 21 going on 22 and I would never consider a 16 year old girl, not because of a taboo factor but because I don't feel they're intellectually and maturely compatible with me. So either that woman is in an extreme lack of maturity, or she wants to really feel young again, or she simply likes to get a piece of barely legal ass. Or, he's the one instigating all this because he likes older women. Or they both simply somehow fell in love.

 

Either way, my only advice is to keep your eyes on her and your son but don't get in the way, your son could end up resenting you for it, no matter how well your intentions were.

 

How does it make it hard for him? Because he has to turn girls down? So he'll be married, if he's comfortable with it, other girls aren't even a factor. It would be the same reasoning if he got to college/high school and had a "regular aged" girlfriend already, he would still have to say "Sorry, I'm taken/married/whatever." Makes no real difference.

 

If the relationship makes both of them happy, good for them.

 

 

The point I'm making is, that my son may get boted in the relationship, and lust after younger women.

 

38 years is a HUGE age gap, isn't it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
rachael

rachael

Posted
Posted

tell him to wake up there are lots of young girls his own age she needs to be ashamed of herself.

and what happends 1day if her grandkids need her shes going to have to go and he isnt mental aged to cope with this.

her needs help

Link to post
Share on other sites
rachael

rachael

Posted
Posted

pray and hope that he gets fed up and wants to meet people his own age weather is at the legal age or not what does a womam at 50s want with a minor that isnt right at all how did they meet?

Link to post
Share on other sites
ConcernedMother

ConcernedMother

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by rachael

pray and hope that he gets fed up and wants to meet people his own age weather is at the legal age or not what does a womam at 50s want with a minor that isnt right at all how did they meet?

 

they met in the Trafford Centre

i expect you've been there, seeing as you're from Manchester, UK, like me.... I'm from Urmston, Manchester!

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 7
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...