am I living in fantasy at this point?

[ann357]

I've known this guy who works in my lab at grad school for a year now. I liked him a lot and thought he liked me, but nothing ever happened with us. The first few months we knew each other I thought we were friends since we hung out a lot, and would occasionally get dinner together on a whim and stuff. Then something changed and he started ignoring me, and we spent the next few months alternating between ignoring each other and hanging out (e.g., he would do stuff like invite me to his birthday or we'd go out to dinner, but he'd go days without acknowledging me or starting a conversation even though we saw each other every day).

 

The day I was supposed to leave for the summer to start a fellowship, we had class together. We had been talking to each other more since we were working together in the class (he asked to work with me, in case it matters). He knew I was leaving that day, and after the class ended walked right past me without saying a word and left. I basically didn't hear from him all summer, save one time when he IMed me to ask how things were going.

 

When I visited at the end of the summer, all my labmates were there and we had a good time chatting and catching up, and the whole time I was talking to everyone else he just sat on the couch staring at his laptop with a grumpy face. I didn't say anything to him since I had spent the summer trying to forget about him and didn't want to deal with him anymore, and he didn't say a word to me.

 

I thought I would be over him by now, but now that I have to see him again my old feelings are coming back, and it hurts because I just dont' know how to forget about him. I have no idea if he ever had feelings for me, but I think it was all in my head because there's another girl that he's started spending a lot of time talking to, and he's always smiling and laughing with her, but with me he always used to be withdrawn and nervous and we could barely talk to each other, even though he was always hanging around. Now we pretty much just ignore each other, and the only interaction we have is sometimes I catch him staring at me and he always looks away really fast, but we haven't even had a conversation since I got back. I guess I'm just hanging onto a fantasy that he has feelings for me, when in reality he never felt anythign for me and is now interested in this new girl. I think the only way I can get over him is if he tells me he doesn't care about me, but I'm too afraid to tell him how I feel because I'll just end up humiliated and make things really awkward. So how can I forget about this guy and finally move on?

[todreaminblue]

avoid seeing him ........to me this is the only way to avoid feeling hurt.......change classes do what you have to do until you feel nothing... it becomes obsessive thoughts and actions......if you dont deal with these feelings....i am on meds at the moment pretty strong ones so i am lucky ....sort of....sort of not lucky too ......i guess...i feel brain dead.......heart dead dont feel much at all actually....I dont feel emotional when i read posts normally i am a bit fo an empath...and i have just started taking these meds...... .....but i am schizo affective.....and the meds i am on dont allow me to concentrate at all on really anything, for any length of time.......i am hoping this settles down.......

 

 

 

i would suggest you not see him until you are over him completely ...dotn think what if.........think its over......it the only way to move on...is go no contact dont sight him........the image of him will fade with time....best wishes.............deb

[Absinthe]

Gaaaahh! I have a friend in a similar situation. So many unspoken "what ifs" here that can only be answered by talking to the guy.

 

He could have stopped talking to you because he liked you but was afraid you didn't reciprocate, so instead of taking a chance and asking you out, he went the foolish route and opted to ignore you (I've known some socially inept blokes do this).

 

Or he could have stopped talking to you because he'd met someone else.

 

Either way, you won't know unless you talk to him! You're in grad school, right? That means you're adults, right? If he can't handle a simple, mature discussion then he's just plain daft and you'll know for sure you can move on.