AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm an over-thinker, partly because I've always been insecure. I've put up walls so people couldn't see my true feelings. That way, I wouldn't feel rejected by someone when those feelings aren't validated or they point out that I'm "different". So, instead of telling somebody I enjoy something, sometimes I rationalize that I have to play it cool. So they don't see. I think this is a very negative pattern to get into. Always doubting and second-guessing yourself. Being so distracted by the need to say the right thing that you aren't in the moment enough to be genuine. What if I just let myself be honest and not give it much thought? Just say, "hey I feel this way", be authentic and keep rolling. Can I even do that? Well, I can try. Can't be any worse than things have gone thus far. It comes down to worrying less about oneself, and being more present with what's going on outside the mind. It's not exactly comfortable, and that doubt still comes in hindsight. I'm sure some practice will help it feel more natural and then even less thought can be put into it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm an over-thinker, partly because I've always been insecure. I've put up walls so people couldn't see my true feelings. That way, I wouldn't feel rejected by someone when those feelings aren't validated or they point out that I'm "different". So, instead of telling somebody I enjoy something, sometimes I rationalize that I have to play it cool. So they don't see. I think this is a very negative pattern to get into. Always doubting and second-guessing yourself. Being so distracted by the need to say the right thing that you aren't in the moment enough to be genuine. What if I just let myself be honest and not give it much thought? Just say, "hey I feel this way", be authentic and keep rolling. Can I even do that? Well, I can try. Can't be any worse than things have gone thus far. It comes down to worrying less about oneself, and being more present with what's going on outside the mind. It's not exactly comfortable, and that doubt still comes in hindsight. I'm sure some practice will help it feel more natural and then even less thought can be put into it. I get this difficulty. Completely. For me, I think it is the huge anxiety in the presence of people I don't truly know and trust that creates a wall for me. It is like, in that moment, that anxiety runs so deep I couldn't tell you what I was feeling in the moment about anything in particular, other than scared to death. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 I get this difficulty. Completely. For me, I think it is the huge anxiety in the presence of people I don't truly know and trust that creates a wall for me. It is like, in that moment, that anxiety runs so deep I couldn't tell you what I was feeling in the moment about anything in particular, other than scared to death. The anxiety is a major hurdle. I'm hoping that by being genuine as a first reaction will eventually lead to some of that anxiety going away. Like the need to put up a wall in the first place could be eliminated. Part of that anxiety is anticipating the rejection if I'm open with them. Instead of panicking and wondering what to say, just say the honest thing without putting too much thought into it. We'll see how it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 What situations do you find cause you to put up these walls? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 What situations do you find cause you to put up these walls? Having any conversation with anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Having any conversation with anyone. So, if I were to ask you what you thought about last week's South Park, you would say... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 So, if I were to ask you what you thought about last week's South Park, you would say... In person I would say just say I didn't see it. But I don't get into those types of small talk conversations. I don't really talk to anyone. I avoid conversation like the plague. On the net.. I would just ignore you because you like south park and we would never get along because of it I'll admit it's very different in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 In person I would say just say I didn't see it. But I don't get into those types of small talk conversations. I don't really talk to anyone. I avoid conversation like the plague. So, you avoid conversation because you are pre-occupied with what you might say in response to a hypothetical statement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 So, you avoid conversation because you are pre-occupied with what you might say in response to a hypothetical statement? No, it's a bit more complicated than that. Sorry I'm not in the mood to explain that answer to you. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Having any conversation with anyone. You're in my head again. :-p 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 No, it's a bit more complicated than that. Sorry I'm not in the mood to explain that answer to you. No worries. As for dealing with others, you should just say the honest thing. Worst case scenario, you figure out the people who you aren't interested in being around and who aren't interested in being around you. On the other hand, the exact opposite holds true as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 No worries. As for dealing with others, you should just say the honest thing. Worst case scenario, you figure out the people who you aren't interested in being around and who aren't interested in being around you. On the other hand, the exact opposite holds true as well. Yeah that makes sense. This is basically me experimenting with how I respond to people when I'm talked to. Hey Anya, do you overcompensate with trying to be funny or charming? And if you do, does it sometimes come out feeling forced? (oh and did my PM go through?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Yeah that makes sense. This is basically me experimenting with how I respond to people when I'm talked to. Hey Anya, do you overcompensate with trying to be funny or charming? And if you do, does it sometimes come out feeling forced? (oh and did my PM go through?) Only all the time. Usually in larger group situations like before a class, where if I do mess up, it will likely fade into the background of class chatter sooner. Like last night. Got a good quip. got nervous. Kept repeating it. Been kicking myself all day today for it. And yes. Apologies. I've been meaning to respond. I've been swamped with work and vitamin deficiency issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 Only all the time. Usually in larger group situations like before a class, where if I do mess up, it will likely fade into the background of class chatter sooner. Like last night. Got a good quip. got nervous. Kept repeating it. Been kicking myself all day today for it. And yes. Apologies. I've been meaning to respond. I've been swamped with work and vitamin deficiency issues. np. I felt a little stupid trying to figure that out, but I think I got it. I've got a wicked sense of humor and I used to be fairly charming. I feel like I put myself in that role and I have to live up to it, so things are only sometimes forced. I'm in a phase where I've withdrawn from social interaction. Conflict prevention. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 You seem fine conversing on here. It is interesting, an insecurity/self-conscious type of deal, I understand completely. I feel like for me it makes me seem like a cold person- I think my way of avoiding being seen to be insecure is through making it seem like I am 'above' the conversation, but really it is just anxiety. A horrible pattern to be in I know. I actively practice not being that way, and it does help, especially trying to interact with others the way I interact with my siblings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 You seem fine conversing on here. It is interesting, an insecurity/self-conscious type of deal, I understand completely. I feel like for me it makes me seem like a cold person- I think my way of avoiding being seen to be insecure is through making it seem like I am 'above' the conversation, but really it is just anxiety. A horrible pattern to be in I know. I actively practice not being that way, and it does help, especially trying to interact with others the way I interact with my siblings. I'm not bad when I can think about what I'm saying and edit things. Trying that in a face to face conversation would probably look ridiculous, I'd imagine. I'm sure ADD is a factor for me. I do come off cold to some people. I'm well guarded. Being non-conformist in my way of thinking has probably attracted any ridicule that I'm now avoiding. Being anonymous on a forum is also like having a safety net. There aren't many drawbacks if you have to sever communication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I think there is something to that whole 'don't give a f*** ' attitude some people have mastered. The way you see things shouldn't make you open to ridicule, or rather you shouldn't care at all. Same with me, but I still care, it is annoying as ****. Just try to remind yourself that there are 7+ billion people on this planet, and you are only one of them. That helps me a great deal. Worldometers - real time world statistics This site helps me when I am dwelling on an interaction I am not please with 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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