CA20 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Hello, I have posted a little on what I have been going through on other threads, but basically I am just trying to post to get out how I feel about my breakup. My fiance ended things over a trivial matter that we could have worked out, and the full story is posted in the Breakup section of this site....anyway, she has made it crystal clear that she is moving on and we are done, and it has been rapid too...she was hurt, and she ended the marriage we had paid for and already planned, and she has just gone....goodbye....but we always told each other we loved each other, and it was not the best relationship, but we had good times.....my question is this: does your ex, no matter how firm they are being in their decision of ending things ever regret what they do? and do they feel as bad as you do? she says that she felt she could not give me a second chance ( even though I treated her perfectly and never needed one before this ) and she just felt like she had to move on......does she remember the good times and think twice about things? I am done and moving on myself, but it just gets to me to think how less than 2 months ago we were on the beach celebrating our engagement and now she acts like she could care less if a truck hit me...and what did I do that merits such a decision: I hurt her because I was not up front to certain members of my family about our engagement...and I lied to her that I had told everyone, when I had not, but only because a) she was always jumping on me about telling everyone and I could not, because there were so many other factors on my end in getting them together to tell the news and I felt like I could do that but at the same time pacify her until I did...it was simply a stupid dumb mistake that I made and I told her and asked her to forgive me and I had never done anything like that before and she knew it....she did not want to work it out or do anything else...she was hurt so she cut all ties and that was that...I know she was hurt and had every right to be, but in my opinion and others I have told, they and I believe that if she really wanted to get married and keep things together, that we could have worked through that little bump in the road....she knew I made a dumb mistake, and I HAD NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL...but she bolted right after that happened....I told her to look at my past with us, how good everything had been...and I apologized, told her whatever would make things right I would do..anything! and she just held the line .....'' we are done '' '' no second chances'' she now lives with a friend of hers and has nothing to do with me. I don't understand how over a year and half of me doing nothing but loving things and she as well and one slip up -----> I am nothing to her.....very weird....but I look at it as she lost me, not vice versa....I feel she over-reacted big time, she does do that, and yes it was wrong, but I never cheated on her, never abused her, always was good to her...her family, mine, everyone said that I was the best thing to ever happen to her....and then that one dumb mistake by me ends it all for her....what could she have been thinking? any help would be great...Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Honestly.. From what you've said, it sounds to me that the reason she gave you for ending the relationship wasn't the ONLY reason she had... it's just what she told you. While I can understand that she would be upset if it "seemed" to her that you were trying to keep the engagment a secret.. because for real.. it would make a person wonder if the other was ashamed or uncertain of what they were getting into.. BUT it isn't as if you tried to deny it or keep it a big dark secret.. soooooo yeah, I'm thinking she had been having misgivings about the pending marriage to begin with and saw this as her opportunity to get out. Will she have regret.. of course it's possible.. I don't believe any long term relationship ends without some scars. Hope you're feeling better soon;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 yeah, thats true, but she was the one who was so gung ho so to speak about the marriage...We fought a lot about stupid stuff, mainly because she would escalate arguments. she had a lot of things she had to work out with herself, but overall we had good times and loved each other....I think she felt betrayed because I did not come right out and tell everyone...I had my reasons, but I was going to when I felt the time was right....she may have felt I was ashamed and that I was trying to hide it from everyone, and she said that she could not trust me....after that one thing....and she said she felt like I did not want to get married or want my family to know, which as I told her over and over again, was not true...there were just so many other little things going on that she could not understand...I believe she felt hurt and I doubt that she was seeing anyone on the side, because # 1 we were always together, we lived together, and we did everything together....I just feel that she was hurt and felt that I was not the one she was meant to be with because I, in her eyes, was not into the marriage thing as much as she was and she felt like I did not want to because of what went on, which was not true....she has gone on now and for all I know is with someone else, but I feel she truly over-reacted and then on top of that has been very cold towards me.....so I have moved on myself and one day I will meet someone who will not do some of the things she did and if I do make a mistake, they will be more rational and show me that if you are in love, as she said she was with me more than anyone else...( she said I was the first person she ever told that she loved before they told her..blah blah blah ) then you will do what I had told her, sit down, discuss, figure out a way to save things at all costs.....she said this: ' marriage is off....my heart is broken...goodbye '' she did not want to hear the entire reasoning, she just up and left......it confuses me a lot...but I feel she wanted out too...and that was the perfect excuse and she used it....she has a lot to do in regards to finding herself and what she wants in life.....and I don't think any amount of me trying to save things and be her crutch would help. I do love her and will always have a special place in my heart for her, but she needs to find what she wants....and for a time, it was me...but apparently not anymore...all I can say is I gave it my best and I made a mistake that she was not willing to forgive for whatever reason she had. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Heres something someone recently told me.... "Sometimes it's better to be wrong and be together.. then to be right and be alone." She wasn't willing or wanting to stick it out with you.. you deserve better hun... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 Thanks...I appreciate it! You are right....she did not want to stick it out, even though this could have easily been navigated....so I will find someone new and someone who is right for me.....thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by CA20 Thanks...I appreciate it! You are right....she did not want to stick it out, even though this could have easily been navigated....so I will find someone new and someone who is right for me.....thanks! You're welcome;) New Year coming.. endless possibilities!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 yes, a new year is coming....I am going to spend new years eve celebrating a new start and endless possibilities.....I refuse to look back and think what could have been because of her choices....I am going to be happy and excited about a fresh start....I am not going to mope around about what could have been.....this is a brand new start for me, and I am going to focus on myself this time around instead of on someone who did not want to stick it out. Thanks for your advice, it is appreciated.....you seem like a cool person! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by CA20 yes, a new year is coming....I am going to spend new years eve celebrating a new start and endless possibilities.....I refuse to look back and think what could have been because of her choices....I am going to be happy and excited about a fresh start....I am not going to mope around about what could have been.....this is a brand new start for me, and I am going to focus on myself this time around instead of on someone who did not want to stick it out. Thanks for your advice, it is appreciated.....you seem like a cool person! Go go go CA it's your birthday! Absolutely.. a new year.. different perspective! You've got the right mind set.. one foot in front of the other you know? Forgive yourself if you have a set back.. it happens.. but stay focused on YOU right now.. and keep in mind this was her deal, not yours.. you did all you could. There is going to be someone amazing in your life.. give it time, be patient, don't look to hard.. and keep it right there always that this girl wanted to marry you.. even if it was once upon a time.. she saw something amazing.. AND you are still that person. Me.. cool? thank you! haha I'm actually quite a goof~ball.. but eh! I want the 411 after New years eve okay! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 Yep, thats right....she wanted to marry me more than anything, so there was something there that she wanted, and its still there....could not have said it better! yeah new years could be a big time for me, or tame....who knows? either way it will be good because it will represent a new beginning for me! yeah your cool! I can tell these things just by talking to someone for a short time... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts