He ask "Do you love me"?

[Candygirl716]

Okay. I'm confused as to whether this is more games on his part or if he's being sincere. I don't know if he's trying to feed his ego by asking

 

Last week, on Thursday he said he would be coming over later that evening. So he text and ask if I was ready and I jokingly replied no. Then I text back I was ready, he never responded. When I called him in the evening, he starts rambling that he can't think of anything, and that his mind is not on that. So I cut him off and told him that I did not call him for sex. Once the call ended, I text him and told him that I don't need him for sex or anything else. I told him if I wanted to have sex he's not the only man and to just leave me alone. Well, just as every time I've asked him to leave me alone, he insists on calling or texting.

 

So Friday he calls and refers to himself as my man, which he does often, but I never entertain. So I told him I don't have a man, then he says boyfriend and I say I don't have a boyfriend either. So I ask him what's his problem and he said he doesn't have a problem. So i asked him why does he play games. He says he doesn't play games. So out of the blue he asked if I have ever been pregnant. I asked him why is that of any relevance and he says he has super sperm which can get a woman pregnant quickly. So I told him good for him and perhaps he should donate to a sperm bank. When we hang up, I text him asking him why does he refer to himself as my man when he does nothing to suggest such. He didn't t respond.

 

So Saturday I call him and he doesn't answer. So I called twice more later and he doesn't answer. So I decided, I won't call him again. He usually calls or text everyday. But he didn't call back on Saturday, and I didn't hear from him on Sunday nor Monday. And I did not call him either.

 

So last night he calls and ask how I'm doing. He then asks if I love him. I asked him why he wants to know. He says he just wants to know if I love him, do I need him, and do i want him. I asked again why is he asking. He then says he wants to know what we're doing. He says he wants to know where this is going. So I tell him I don't know, you tell me. So he ask do I love him again, and I say I do. He ask what does love mean to me and what do I need from him. He then ask do I need him for sex and if I enjoy having sex with him.

 

I don't know why he would ask if I love him. I didn't even ask if he loved me. He says he's coming over tonight but I won't have sex with him because he's always making it seem as if I'm sex crazed and only want him for sex.

[jimloveslips]

I told him...to leave me alone

 

I'm confused too.

If you want him to leave you alone, why don't you stop questioning his motives? Doesn't that imply you DON'T want him to leave you alone?

[Candygirl716]

If he's going to be playing games, then yes, I want him to leave me alone. I do like him but I don't have time for games.

[todreaminblue]

I guess guys get used for sex just as much as females do, maybe he has in the past, thought it was more than sex and it wasnt, and that isnt the type of relationship he wants...i think as far as games go you both are playing them.......because you arent directly asking him or really answering him or saying what you want...tell him exactly what you need and want...this has worked for me in the past ....i say it how it is i say how i feel with honesty....and they respond in kind the same way....its a bit confronting and sometimes ill kamikaze ahead of time not knowing how they feel...but i dont play games.....i fi get asked a direct question i answer it i prefer directness.....its simplicity...deb

[imtooconfused]

What ^^^ todreaminblue ^^^ says... You shouldn't be asking these questions here and expecting an answer from us. Just ask him a direct and specific question and he will give you a direct and specific answer. You don't have a problem explaining here what your expectations are. Why do you have trouble explaining them to him?

[whichwayisup]

Basically this guy is drama and friendship or whatever it is that's happening here should be this hard. Drop him and move on. He isn't worth it! And yes, he IS playing a game.

 

Find a nice guy who is open and honest and not into that cat/mouse chase.

[Candygirl716]

Well, I think it was more game. He didn't come over yesterday. But I don't know what's goes problem but I am done with the situation. I've been open and honest with him and I don't believe I was playing games with him. He is 41 and very immature. I again asked him to leave me alone, and he decides to text me this morning. This time I ignored him. I quite frankly tired of the games he has been playing. This is what I text him:

 

I don't remember what I text initially, as I deleted the first part.

 

And I shouldn't be mad at you. Because it's my fault. I don't need anyone toying with me. I don't know what you get out of doing this but it's not nice or right. But please do me a favor and leave me alone. If the only reason you contact me is to fill a void or because none of your other many females are available, then don't bother. I really don't know who you think I am or who you think you are. But God reveals all in time. I do love you. I'm grateful actually to have gone through this experience. Because life is a learning process. ...We live and learn.

 

People come into our lives for a reason, some for a lifetime and others for a season. And I guess this season is gone. So thank you for the opportunity and experience. Love you. God bless.

[imtooconfused]

He begs you to tell him whether you love him, and the only time you give him a straightforward answer is when you are blowing him off. Besides that fact that I find that to be so cruel, the only drama that I see is coming from you. He is far better off to be rid of all that nonsense.

[Acacia98]

He begs you to tell him whether you love him, and the only time you give him a straightforward answer is when you are blowing him off. Besides that fact that I find that to be so cruel, the only drama that I see is coming from you. He is far better off to be rid of all that nonsense.

 

Maybe I'm reading the OP wrong, but the man doesn't seem to have told her he loves her and yet he wants her to tell him she loves him. He wants her to make herself vulnerable to him on his timetable, but he doesn't want to make himself vulnerable to her? Whatever his previous experiences, that just seems wrong. I think she's better off without him.

[Candygirl716]

He begs you to tell him whether you love him, and the only time you give him a straightforward answer is when you are blowing him off. Besides that fact that I find that to be so cruel, the only drama that I see is coming from you. He is far better off to be rid of all that nonsense.

 

Maybe you're illiterate or have a comprehension problem. I only blow him off after he has ignored me. I don't see how it is me causing drama. If I have told him that I loved him before with no response, then why is it after I blow him off he wants to know whether I love him. I was hesitant to give him a straightforward answer that particular day because I did not understand his reasoning for answering when I have told him before. Why would I be so eager to express love to him when I have done so before and he didn't care and he had been ignoring me for a come couple of days.

 

Yep, you're right. I'm the one playing games and causing drama. Yea alright.

[Candygirl716]

Basically this guy is drama and friendship or whatever it is that's happening here should be this hard. Drop him and move on. He isn't worth it! And yes, he IS playing a game.

 

Find a nice guy who is open and honest and not into that cat/mouse chase.

 

 

Thank you.

[imtooconfused]

Maybe you're illiterate or have a comprehension problem.

 

Not illiterate, but you are right that I am not comprehending your situation. I don't know how this statement...

 

If I have told him that I loved him before

 

... could represent anything close to this statement...

 

So Friday he calls and refers to himself as my man, which he does often, but I never entertain. So I told him I don't have a man, then he says boyfriend and I say I don't have a boyfriend either. So I ask him what's his problem and he said he doesn't have a problem.

 

... and...

 

He says he wants to know where this is going. So I tell him I don't know, you tell me.

 

There is no way that you are expressing any form of love by telling him you don't consider him a "boyfriend" and you don't know where the relationship is going. I know if someone told me that, I would definitely go in a different direction. You saved him the pain of breaking up with you.

Edited November 22, 2013 by imtooconfused

[Candygirl716]

Ok. Perhaps I was not thorough enough. We are not in a relationship. Therefore, there was no breaking up to do. This is my friend that I've known since I was 21. He is 41, I'm 27. We've known each other for about 6 years. This year September, we started an intimate relationship. I told him I love him about a month ago. He didn't say anything.

 

Anyways this is the first time he ask anything of that nature. And I tell him to tell me because I didn't know where this was going and I thought he was playing games by asking. I mean, I ask him to come over he says no. I'm not going to beg him. I tell him I want to see him...he's too busy. So I'm not going to keep asking. I call him, he doesn't answer. I'm not going to keep calling. But when I withdraw and try to move on from this situation he wants to call and ask this. But I'm the cruel one causing drama. Just like the other day he ask me what's going on. And I tell him nothing, absolutely nothing. He then says that I'm rude. But only because I usually say him. I just feel that he's too old to play games and it's not right. If he knows he is not interested in me and I have asked him to leave me alone. I don't understand why he won't just leave me alone.

[youaremysunshine]

Err candygirl, if he is playing games, you are playing right along! Answer his questions directly and truthfully and then immediately follow up by asking him the same question. You seem to be evading all of his questions, which he seems to be asking to get a feel of what you want. He's not a mind reader so answearing in a straightforward way once and a while would be a help.

 

When he called himself your boyfriend, he mean "I want to be your boyfriend" and you sent him the message you don't want that.

[Candygirl716]

Err candygirl, if he is playing games, you are playing right along! Answer his questions directly and truthfully and then immediately follow up by asking him the same question. You seem to be evading all of his questions, which he seems to be asking to get a feel of what you want. He's not a mind reader so answearing in a straightforward way once and a while would be a help.

 

When he called himself your boyfriend, he mean "I want to be your boyfriend" and you sent him the message you don't want that.

 

I was not playing any games. But okay. How refer yourself as my man and when I ask you to come over. ..I live too far.

[imtooconfused]

We are not in a relationship.

 

This year September, we started an intimate relationship.

 

Now my lack of comprehension is not personal. It does not have to do with you any longer, but rather with the "Friends with Benefits" lifestyle. No one has been able to sufficiently explain how it could be a positive societal development when every line/boundary in the nature of human relationships is completely and utterly blurred. In particular, I cannot comprehend the concept of "I love you" within the context of a "I like you, but it's just sex" relationship. Generally speaking, when you have crossed that line, things can never end well.